I Dont Know What To Do

[str8wityayo]

IVE BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO HELP MY BOYFRIEND WITH HIS HEROINE PROBLEM...THAT I DIDNT EVEN SEE MY OWN COCAINE ADDICTION COMMING...IVE BEEN DOING COCAINE FOR ABOUT A MONTH NOW...I STARTED OUT ONLY DOING A FEW LINES A DAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND...BUT WHEN HE STARTED DOING MORE...I DID TOO, NOW I DO ABOUT .5 OUNCE A DAY...PHYSICALLY...I FEEL TERRIBLE...I HAVENT SLEPT IN DAYS, OR EATEN IN ABOUT A WEEK...BUT THE THING IS...I WAS COMPLETING MY MOST RECENT BOUT OF ANOREXIA AND I CANT HELP IT BUT I DONT WANT TO STOP DOING COKE NOW THAT I SEE HOW MUCH WEIGHT IVE LOST...AND NOW MY BOYFRIEND IS DOING HEROINE...AND TRYING TO GET OFF IT...BUT IM SCARED BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY "COMPETITIVE" PERSONALITY...THAT, EVERYTHING SOMEONE ELSE AROUND ME IS DOING...LIKE THAT, I HAVE TO DO IT TO, AND IM REALLY SCARED AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...BECAUSE MY FAMILY DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THE DRUGS...BUT WHEN THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT THE ANOREXIA...THEY BASICLY TOLD ME IF I MESS UP WITH ANYTHING ELSE...THEY DIDNT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME AND THEY WOULDNT HELP ME....IM SCARED

[Paulie]

Welcome to SR -

First I would like to say that you have come to a great place for support and friendship.

Second, I understand the disease of addiction. You need support. You said you are a very competitive person, please don't be competitive in killing yourself, instead put that energy into being competitive not using, staying clean.

I got sober over 7 years ago, I am recovery speed freak. If I can do it so can you. I can share my experience with you which is through a 12 step program. Try to find a meeting in your area, the support will be tremendous for you.

Stick around here, let us get to know you better.

[criscee]

all day long. i have been there. my habit was worse almost 4 years ago. i found strength and recovery in the rooms of Alchoholics Anonymous. It saved my life. i was suicidally competitive when i was using too. you did it! i'd do it too. and i wasn't scared. you have one up on me. that fear is a good thing in this case. your cocaine habit is pretty out there itself without even needed the heroin. if your family isn't there for you and you can't tell them then don't. but tell SOMEONE that can help you. this is where you make a conscious choice to change your life. seek help in the rooms of AA or NA or treatment. it will save your life. it will help you not live in fear of what comes next. good luck and keep coming back.