EDs

[HKAngel24]

So interesting as I read over these posts.
I originally post in the Friends and Fam Substance Abusers forum and when I come here there is a common thread throughout most of these posts- we are all missing a lack of self-worth. Many others believe in their inherent worth in terms of their basic rights as a human.
It seems those of us struggling with EDs are convinced that those rights do not exist for us. And it really, truly breaks my heart- because it makes everything else so much more difficult.

I am currently dealing with my boyfriend recovering from his addiction. Up until a few months ago I was along for the ride and suffered extreme emotional distress in finding out about his lies and than having to educate myself on the realities of drug addiction itself.

All the while I have my own "Addiction issues" if you will with regards to my eating disorder which has been in remission for the past three years which was my last inpatient stay. I still suffer from my eating disorder but i am no longer actively finding my identity in it, clinging to it and allowing it to prevent me from living my life in the sense that I have opened my eyes to all it has taken from me thus far and refuse to allow it to kill me as it has tried to before.

The point is that for ME when I am overwhelmed with emotions- to not feel I do not eat.
My bf turns to drugs.

Different substances.
Same goal -- eradicate feelings, push them down and away because dealing with them is too painful.

It's so difficult for individuals to have compassion in terms of eating disorders to to truly give anyone struggling from an eating issue the compassion and understanding that is due- the love that is needed. It's a phenomenon that so few understand and it is easy to feel like a lunatic when surrounded with others who think our obsessions and preoccupation with food is "strange."

I have grown up most of my life being looked at as strange. I have been the "sick" girl for as long as I have known.
Now I'm dealing with this drug addiction, on top of the fact that I am a first-class codependent.

Just feeling overwhelmed and needed to vent. I do not expect credit for how far I've come or how strong I've been, but sometimes I also feel like dealing with this addiction is me being "kicked when I'm down" in a sense.
I may not have all the answers to how to currently deal with my bf's addiction, but that does not make me an entirely weak human. I am just learning and making mistakes. Being patient with myself is the tricky part.
Just a vent.

[BigSis]

Heather, thank you for your post... it brings me some clarity around the condition of ED. And there are many "invisible" guests who will google this subject and your post might appear.... and give comfort and help to someone you may never know.


Thank you... (((HK)))

[livefree]

Heather,
Thank you for posting. I've struggled with an eating disorder for 11 years now. I'm currently sober from alcohol, but I continue to struggle with anorexia and bulimia. I try to take it one day at a time. It's especially hard to find a balance between eating enough but not so much that I feel the need to purge. Unfortunately, I usually end up resricting and then binging and purging. It's so frustrating, but I'm trying to get better. I've been in treatment and hospitalized literally more times than I can count/remember. Every night I pray to be relieved of my ED and my obsession with thinness. I'm trying to apply the twelve steps to my ED. I hear ya... I've always been "the sick girl," too. Sometimes I feel like, while my friends have been building resumes with internships and grad school studies, I've been building a resume of hospitalizations, treatment centers, therapists, ED specialists, etc. I just try to stay hopeful. Hope you and your boyfriend are doing well.