Laxative Abuse...

[bv1979]

Hi there,

So my AGF, who's been sober for six months to the day, also has another addiction problem that she hasn't been able to deal with...

Her addiction to laxatives.

I honestly don't know how to handle that situation. She KNOWS that using laxatives is actually counterproductive to weight loss...she KNOWS it doesn't work...and she KNOWS that it could kill her...

Yet she still jokes when pouring it into her cup and mixing it with Rockstar.

I don't want to press the issue too hard, because she doesn't need any added stress in her life right now. But on the other hand, she needs help, she says she knows it, but yet she won't do anything about it. I even quit smoking - COLD TURKEY - yesterday, and haven't even thought about a cigarette since - and I told her I would do that if she would seek her doctor's help in weaning her off of the laxatives, starting with a phone call to that doctor yesterday. Now she's saying that she didn't say she would call YESTERDAY, and now that she's started her new job, she CAN'T take the laxatives as much, and that she was constipated as it was, and that she'll be fine...

But once her body adjusts to her new schedule, my concerns are that it will go right back to what it was before.

Is there anything else I can do? Or should I just let her deal with it in her own way? I not only have concern for her, but also for her daughter...with the amount she's taken over the past nine years, there's no doubt that a lot of damage has already been done...

[Pony]

Well bv, there's nothing you can really do if she is not willing to stop using the laxitive. If she knows how harmful it is and yet chooses to still use, there's nothing you can do to stop her. If you put the pressure on, like any other addict, she will just hide it.

It might take something major to happen to her or someone she knows before she will take that step to stop. All you can do is be supportive when that time comes and not enable her to continue using.......whatever that might be.

[Biscuits]

I symathise with your struggle but unfortunately until she is ready to let go of this addiction it is out of your hands. My husband had to go through this with me when i was using them and i know it caused him alot of pain but no matter how gentle or forceful he was about the use of them i could not give them up.

All you can do is show love and understanding until God leads her to a new path.

[bv1979]

Well, I'm hoping that with her starting the new job and not being able to take them nearly as much as she has been, maybe slowing down will help her along, and after a couple of weeks taking less, she'll see that she doesn't really need them.

She rides to work with me every day, as she works for one of my customers down the street from my office, but starts 45 minutes after I do, so she comes and sits back in my office and messes around on the internet until it's time for her to go to work. This morning, I was encouraged that she was looking up information on it when I went back to grab some files from my desk.

I know all I can do is be supportive of her...and I guess I'll try the best I can.

[mimi54321]

I sympathise whole heartedly with this situation. I used to abuse laxatives excessively, taking up to 50 per day. I still take around 3 or 4 per day. They are addictive if you have food issues because they help clear you out, literally. For me it was an alternative to throwing everything up, which is far worse for your health in many ways.

For me, I had to gradually decrease and learn to sit with my feelings as they are used abusively as a way of diverting feelings. It's like self-harm, the physical pain that they cause, is a relief and diverts your mind away from your real feelings, like any other addiction. Counselling and psychotherapy helped me a lot.

And I know you feel helpless, but again like the other advice from everyone else in this thread, she has to be ready to deal with it. You can show concern but just be supportive and she will come round in the end.

The fact that she was looking it up on the internet is promising. It will be a slow process but just try to keep cool about it.

Good luck

M xx

[mimi54321]

Dear BV,

Do you know how many she is taking and what brand? I have quite a lot of experience in this and really want to help if I can....

M xxx

[bv1979]

Well, I know she pours the liquid stuff that you're supposed to drink the day before you go into surgery in with her Rockstars...and some days has as much as two full bottles. But she's taken various types and brands in various amounts for over 6 years...

[mimi54321]

Hey BV, sorry to take so long to get back to you.

Its good to hear that she changes the amount - as stupid as this sounds, it means she is capable of cutting down if she can deal with less on some days.

I'm sorry but I'm not as familiar with the liquid stuff, does it have a brand name?

Also, have you asked her why she takes them?

She is open enough to let you know that she takes them which is a step in the right directon - i.e. she is not hiding it from you which is very good.

Sorry not to be more helpful, but let me know how things are going.

M xx

[bv1979]

Honestly, it's just the generic grocery store brand that she uses...so I'm not sure what the "technical" name for it is.

I know that when I picked her up for us to go to work this morning (she works down the street with me, so I drive her), I watched her pour her Rockstar into her glass and she didn't put any of the laxative in - so that was good.

And at this point, she says she does it because she fears the constipation that will come if she stops. She knows that it doesn't help her lose weight, as all of the food is already processed into her system before the laxative has any effect on it, and that it can leave her feeling bloated, which in turn makes her want to take more because she feels "fat" (she's 5'4", 124lbs...there's nothing fat about her...lol).

Anyway, I'm still trying to get her to go talk to her doctor about it all. Now she's saying she's waiting for the benefits from her job to kick in before she does. But, like I said, she has cut down...and she's not flagrant about her usage like she was before...but I know she's still using in some capacity, because I took her garbage out for her while I waited for her to get ready for work this morning, and there was an empty bottle in it...

[mimi54321]

Originally Posted by bv1979

And at this point, she says she does it because she fears the constipation that will come if she stops. She knows that it doesn't help her lose weight, as all of the food is already processed into her system before the laxative has any effect on it, and that it can leave her feeling bloated, which in turn makes her want to take more because she feels "fat" (she's 5'4", 124lbs...there's nothing fat about her...lol).

Hey, I know what she means about fearing the constipation - constipation makes you feel stuck in a rut, totally incapable of thinking about anything else but how 'bloated' you feel. As ridiculous as it sounds, laxatives really 'helped' me FEEL thin. I knew they didn't actually help me lose weight but they made me feel like I was getting rid of bad feelings and the lighter I felt the better I felt.

It sounds good that she is cutting down in front of you but be aware that she may just be doing it more behind your back to stop you worrying. I may be wrong here but I know it took me a long time to wean myself off them.

Keep cool and don't put any pressure on (not that you are).

I hope this helps, you sound like an extremely supportive boyf, she is lucky to have you!

M xx

[Biscuits]

Totally agree with everything that M says in her posts, for me the more i felt pressure to stop using the laxatives the more i was sectretive about them. When my husband found out about them he was so upset and although he tried to let me get on with it knowing he could not really help, he kept bringing it up - not in a bad way but almost in conversation daily and this just make it harder for me. I even started taking them at work something i had never done before but it made sense to me as i did not feel under scrutiny from my husband as he was not there and there was no chance of him finding the discarded bottles/packets etc.

She knows that what she is doing is a problem, thats a big start but the rest is up to her and her HP. Try to back off and give her time and space to work it out herself. I know this hurts you and i'm she struggles with the feelings of disappointing you, i know i did but at that time i had no control over the addiction.

Just treat her as you always have maybe reminding her that you are there for her when she is ready to begin the recovery she deserves.