Major healing

[Neagrm]

One evening last week I took some time alone to just sit with some feelings and thoughts I'd never faced before. I felt the feelings. I let them come and just sat with it as much as I could. It went back to a specific event in my latter teens that I've come to realize impacted me much more than I realized before.

I've had some amazing thoughts and feelings just since taking that time last week to really *be* with myself. Some major healing has taken place. I feel a joyous freedom and wonder.

I want to write about the process and specific observations I've made that have been very helpful lately. This is all I can write for now. I want to set aside some time to journal and get it down so I will always remember the process and perhaps I'll be able to share with someone someday and it could encourage them, as I've been encouraged and strenghtened by others to do the work I've needed to do.

Thanks for being here.

Nea

[Pony]

thanks for sharing that Nea, it is all a process and it sounds like you have taken a huge step.

{{{{{Nea}}}}}

[Neagrm]

Thanks, Brenda and Pony!

The program really does work. This experience has given me hope for further healing for other things I need to work on, too. I had begun to doubt if I'd ever be able to make real progress; thought my H.P. had found an impossible case in me.

The key for me has been -- returning to meetings, finding a sponsor and having regular meetings, reading supportive, insightful material, working in-depth on the steps, and last but not least, a willing and open heart to guidance and renewing that over and over and over again.

A miracle has happened. I've finally forgiven myself for several decades old material and a a result I now feel forgiveness for the perpetrator. I didn't think it was possible. I was convinced it would haunt me to my dying day because of how long-standing it was.

The resentment and anger has melted away and it's replaced overnight with love and deep compassion ... for myself and others. I am seeing some unexpected overflow into other areas of my life and am just in awe.

Yesterday I observed myself doing something else, spending, that I've been confused about. It was like my HP is reminding me, While we're at it what about this? LOL! As uncomfortable as it feels having this bring me down from the clouds and planting my feet firmly on the ground again -- I can see it as the opportunity it is instead of as a hopeless challenge I'll never get. I'm going to get this lesson, too! Yay! Bring it on! lol

Thanks for listening.
Nea

[Neagrm]

The initial high of letting go of ancient history has worn off, but I've continued to purchase no sweets at the grocery store, no chocolate, cookies, etc. In fact, I am walking past the no-no's without stopping and when my eyes happen to fall on something that's a trigger for me I look the other way at something else and don't obsess. I'm unable to be abstinent right now, but am cutting back and trying to let go of self-bashing.

Someone I spoke to said, as I continue to work the program, I could find that the rollercoaster of binging won't be as drastic as before and gradually it might swing less and less until I level out to a healthy median.

I think it might take me longer than I first thought, because I am older now and my metabolism is changing and I didn't lose the weight before reaching this point. I just hope that exercise will help get the metabolism running faster and eventually I'll see progress in fitness.

There is still work to be done, other things to tackle. Progress, not perfection...

[BigSis]

I am very interested in this process for you, Nea. I have joined an OA group specifically to work on 4th step stuff that might be impacting my addiction.

I like reading your progress... thank yoU!