Feeling Guilty

[karlee]

If I eat one day..Then I will not eat the next day..Yesterday, I had plain cheese burger and oreo mcflurry from McDonalds. Then today I ate two bananas. I am 5 ft 5 in and weigh 150 pounds..Right now I am just so upset with myself. I do work out 3 to 4 times a week. My gym instructor told me muscle weighs more than fat...However, that doesn't make me feel better. I weigh more now than I did with any of my 6 pregnacies....Today, is just a very bad day...I am hoing through a addictions program through my church. My couselor doesn't seem to understand about my eating disorder or my self-harming. She just tells me to throw the razors away. I will throw the razors away. Then I will pull my hair, bruise my arms by hitting them against something, burn myself, and so on...She tells me that I am not a teen anymore and to get over my eating disorder. This is so hard when my husband tells me that I am flabby. fat, and so on. Plus, I have been struggling with this eating disorder since 12/13 years of age. I am now 41 years old...Am I the only one this old with an eating disorder?Anyway, I feel like I was a pig today...I know thismay sound silly. but because of this and other things. I have been in tears most of the day...

[Nina Kay]

Hi karlee and Welcome to the Eating Disorders Forum of SR. I can promise you that you are not alone with an eating disorder. I am about to turn 52 yrs. old and I've had an eating disorder since I was a teen. I have talked to many others, men and women, who have eating disorders that are much older than you. I is like having other addictions except that we have to eat to stay healthy so we aren't able to get away from our drug of choice, so to speak. We have to face it head on, daily.

I also used to eat too much one day and then try to eat nothing the next day to make up for it, but our bodies just do not work that way. It is a life process and a journey towards recovery and we do not have to do it alone. We are here for one another. Please keep coming back here and posting on all of the different forums here at SR. There are so many wonderful people here who have been or are still going through all that you are. There are so many loving wise and supportive people on this board. I hope that you will try to read and to post as often as possible. You will be surprised at how much stronger you get in every way by spending time with others who can understand from personal experience everything that you are living with. So please keep coming back often and reading and posting about everything that you might want to share. It's nice to have you here with us.
(((((((((((((((((((Encouraging Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

[renee18]

Welcome you are in the right place. We understand what you are going through here at SR. Please keep coming back. You can vent here anytime. We are here to listen and help you.

I am 21 years old and I have been struggling with an eating disorder for almost 8 years now. I am still fighting. Somedays will be better then others but you can get through this.

[BigSis]

Most recently, I gained some "control" over my eating that did not involve even ONE bad thing!!

I gave up sugar.

Yep. Seems simple... but I cannot believe how much less I get "cravings" for ... [fill in the blank]

I still get hungry, and if there are "bad" foods around, I want them. But I know if I just eat some protien or even some dairy and carbs... I get full.. and that's that.

Before... I would get hungry, or OVER hungry, eat some sugar....eat some "real food" ... still crave sugar... eat MORE sugar... and then continue on a scavenger hunt through the kitchen cabinets eating everything in sight -trying to satisfy that "feeling".

I have never felt closer to "normal" than since I made this choice.

With everything else you have going on, it sure is one idea that does not involve meds or pain or some strange diet. No one even has to know... only you.

(((hugs)))

[mimi54321]

Totally agree. Sugar in any form (especially refined, white and even brown demarara, brown sugar and honey are no better) plays havoc with your blood sugar level.

A good substitute is Xylitol, it sounds chemical but its not. Its made from pure fruit sugar.

It is low GI and really helped me.

M xx

[symposium]

Karlee, you need to talk to your husband first of all. Him saying those things to you will not help anything. It only makes you feel worse and go through these horrible cycles of eating, then not eating, and then harming yourself if you did eat what you consider too much.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Is it possible to look for another counselor? One who understands eating disorders and SI?

Heather