Having a crap day...

[TheMissus]

Just needed to vent a little..not having a very good day.

Been "healthy eating" for a few weeks now....going ok, not finding it too hard and although I'm not weighing myself I've found jeans that wouldn't do up are now fitting easily...So all in all not bad until today.

BF is an A...Been coping with that reasonably well lately too...not letting his stuff cloud my stuff etc...but today it just really got to me.

Yesterday evening I tidied up everywhere and went to bed early, he was up from about 3am drinking and when I got up this morning the place was a state...overflowing ashtrays, dishes all over the place, ciggerette ash on the floor and coffee table, bin overflowing and not been taken out...pans from when he'd cooked some food still on the hob half full of crusty food...

So soon as I got up I was doing housework whilst he just sat there watching tv. He never does housework, most of the time it doesn't bother me but today it did, cos it was mainly his mess and I was the mug cleaning it up as soon as my eyes where open. Then he got in a nark because I was cleaning up because I was interrupting him watching tv....

Then at lunchtime I went to make some food..I got alot of vegetables in for myself so I'd always have summat healthy around, but he'd eaten what I'd saved for myself...so lunch was off the menu.

I was cold earlier, so I put the fire on, then he comes in, says he's boiling and turns it off. So I was sitting shivering with goosebumps on my arms, watching crap on tv because he was too "tipsy" to concentrate on the movie I wanted to watch....

Then before he started making his food. He has this way of cooking pork chops...he puts them in the oven in an oven dish with olive oil and puts the oven on full...he says it tastes better when he cooks them like that...except he burns the oil and the house fills with that acrid non-smoky smoke that stings your eyes...I've asked him a thousand times not to cook like that because it really hurts my eyes and leaves them stinging and streaming....still does it though...so now I'm sitting here typing with red raw eyes...

The inconsideration all day has just put me o a total downer so soon as he went to bed I went and ate. A chocolate bar (I stole from one of my daughters easter eggs), two cheese pasties and a sandwich with cheese and butter and a glass of full fat milk...

Now I feel even worse cos I've just let myself down and I was doing so well. Then I came on here, read BigSis's post about her "bottom" and EarthMaidens replies and started to cry....

Back to "healthy eating" tomorrow I guess, I'm not going to let this hiccup stop me but I just feel really angry with myself for ignoring the triggers...even blaming him is a cop out isn't it...Argh!

How do I ignore triggers that make me want to think "**** it!!" and eat loads..I don't want food to be my comfort anymore.

[Pony]

Missus, Sorry your day was such a bust for you. I can certainly understand....have been there many times and still have much of that inconsideration intruding into my life now. I live with an active A myself. Although we are no longer a "couple" we still share the same household, basically for financial reasons and we have a daughter.

It is hard not to allow another person's actions to invade our space, as I put it, but I guess I try to remember that what I am doing, my program for getting healthy, is for me.... not him. I need to remember that it is the best thing for "me" and to allow myself to get caught up in another person miserable behavior will only hurt me.

I agree with EM, in that we have to step back sometimes and take a look at what and how we can make our own lives workable for ourselves, and if another is being destructive in our lives....whether or not he/she will be allowed to continue being a part of it.

[BigSis]

cos it was mainly his mess and I was the mug cleaning it up as soon as my eyes where open. Then he got in a nark because I was cleaning up because I was interrupting him watching tv....

Then at lunchtime I went to make some food..I got alot of vegetables in for myself so I'd always have summat healthy around, but he'd eaten what I'd saved for myself...so lunch was off the menu.

I was cold earlier, so I put the fire on, then he comes in, says he's boiling and turns it off. So I was sitting shivering with goosebumps on my arms, watching crap on tv because he was too "tipsy" to concentrate on the movie I wanted to watch....

Then before he started making his food. He has this way of cooking pork chops...he puts them in the oven in an oven dish with olive oil and puts the oven on full...he says it tastes better when he cooks them like that...except he burns the oil and the house fills with that acrid non-smoky smoke that stings your eyes...I've asked him a thousand times not to cook like that because it really hurts my eyes and leaves them stinging and streaming....still does it though...so now I'm sitting here typing with red raw eyes...

(((Missus)))) Awwww girl, you deserve to live a better life than this.

Do you attend any face to face meetings like Alanon, Naranon or CODA? You might be surprised how helpful they can be.

When I eat out of anger, it is much like when I used to cut myself (years ago)... it is a way to relieve the "feeling". In either case (cutting or eating), I am not actually DEALING with the feeling... just pushing it down (food) or away (endorphins released by cutting).

There are better ways.

Have you tried sitting down and writing out all your pain and anger with your addict boyfriend? In detail... all the really rotten things? Then burn it. You might be surprised how much better it makes you feel... without eating.

(((hugs)))