horrible person

[angel08955]

ok so now that i am a horrible person and caused someone to lose their job and sobriety (at least this person and his nowhis ex ex. yeah he's back with his fiance) i have decided to punish myself. i'm not eating much of anything as it is, so now is a great time to trim down even more of what i eat so i can lose more weight. i'm sick of this .

[Nina Kay]

Wow lovelife,
You are so so powerful, that you have the power to cause someone to lose their job and their sobriety. Maybe I'm missing something here. How did you accomplish such great feats? I would be very interested to hear about it.

I can understand from experience about the decision to punish yourself by using food or control of your food, but if you really believe you are a horrible person, why don't you figure out exactly what ways you are horrible and break them down so that you can work on this problem step at a time?! Then you won't have to punish yourself for this anymore. I know that I'm trying to do that now. Keep coming back.
((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))

[angel08955]

he claims i called his jobed.

[Nina Kay]

Only you know for sure if you did that. If you did, then you can apologize and do what you need to, to make amends for that. Learn from it and never make that same mistake again. Then forgive yourself.
If you didn't do that, then you're not responsible and you can move forward with your head held high. It's his to deal with. Tell him that you're sorry that he feels that way, but it just isn't true and let him believe what he wants to because you can't change anything and eventually he'll know the truth, because the truth always comes out eventually.
Focus on your own recovery, your own growth, your own good traits. Get actively involved in your own recovery. It's not important what others think of you. What's really important is what you think of yourself. Work on that. Focus on improving that. Just my 2 cents.
((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))

[Pony]

Yes, lovelife, I agree with Nina. You are not responsible for his recovery....only he is. All you can do is take care of you. It is very easy for the addict to blame others for their slips and bad behavior, and not accept responsibility for their actions.

Try to be kinder to yourself. Sending tender hugs.

[angel08955]

he was 22 months sober, and he ruined that last night. not only did he have a drink, he had close to 40 beers. he blamed that one me too. but i did nothing to him. it just hurts because he used to "love" me.

[Biscuits]

Hi Lovelife

When i relapsed with food 9 years ago (thank God my only one) i tried to blame everything and everyone but myself. When i honestly looked at the reasons for the relaspe it had nothing to do with anyone else, i had been on a slippery slope for a while and was not working my program to the best of my ability. I had begun to miss meetings, lose contact with other members and let so called normal life become more important than my recovery.

I have since been through alot of emotional pain dealing with abuse and neglect issues from my childhood and i stayed abstinent through it all. If anyone said i would have been able to abstain through all that pain i would have said they were crazy but i worked my program hard during this time with my sponsor and was willing to go to any lengths for my recovery.

I guess what i am saying is that when i relapsed no forced me to pick up that first compulsive bite, i did that all on my own and the next bite and the next. Life will always throw curve balls at us but working the program means we can still hit them.

You are not responsible for your ex losing his sobriety, you did not force him to pick up one beer and then another. Given time he will hopefully realise this but in the meantime you need to look after you. Your recovery is important too!!!!!!!!!!!!

Treat yourself with kindness and love and if you can't ACT AS IF and allow others to care for you and carry you for a while.

[angel08955]

i'm doing a little bit better on not concentrating on what others say. i finally stopped talking to the person who accussed me of stuff. he was being very negative and said he was done with me, so instead of fighting for him, i said forget it and told him good bye.

[Pony]

I know it might not seem like it now, but that was probably the best move for you.

Lots of hugs, you'll be ok.

[angel08955]

i IMed him to make sure he was through with me and he said he was sick of my drama when he does alot of drama himself. but hey that's one less negative person.

[TheGirlInside]

LL,

The grieving process always sucks. I've tried to avoid it myself by having a cavalier attitude (telling myself, "he was scum anyway," "I'm better off..." etc), but eventually, I hit the "acceptance" part and began to truly grieve; cry, let go, release him/her/ them to their own situations. This has recently happened (to me) over the past several weeks.

I realize that it's not a poor reflection on me, nor on him. We both entered into the situation willingly, and IMO, we both did what we each believed was the right thing to do. I believe that he believes he did the right thing.

I do also punish myself by eating (during which my disease lies and tells me that I'm "rewarding myself" or having "comfort food"...bull)...still have some work to do there. But, I remember that I am better than I was, and that I will continue to get and do better.

The best revenge is a happy, fulfilled life without him. Take care and God Bless,

[angel08955]

well now i get on the persons blog just to see what he says and he admits to lying bout losing his job and about drinking just to "teach" me a lesson that my actions hurt others. well i'm sorry but that is a low low. i'm glad i am done with him. he's lied to me before to "teach" me a lesson and it just pushes me further into depression. well i doubt i will let him come running back to me this time. if i get an email saying he is sorry, i will ignore it.

Edit: he has told me he did not lie bout his job being lost, just drinking.

[angel08955]

ok so now he says he miss typed and only meant one thing. and he told me that one thing was drinking. still.

[Nina Kay]

I'm sorry, lovelife, it doesn't sound like he's someone that can be trusted. Don't you think that you deserve someone that you can trust in your life. I'd rather have no man in my life than to have someone that I can't trust. Be kind to yourself and maybe think of doing something for yourself that is enjoyable and positive.

[angel08955]

i'm so worked up i am having asthma. this sucks....i just wanna scream

[Pony]

LL, Having asthma myself I can understand how owrked up you are. But, and this comes from my heart..... you are allowing yourself to get worked up right now. You need to take yourself away from it and him and do something that is calming. Stop going in and reading his blog....stop talking to him on the phone....cut him loose and let him go before you get really sick.

[angel08955]

he claims to have tried to be my friend when we chatted on messenager recently, but yet all he has done for at aleast a week is talk **** about me and i can't take it. it's like no matter what i do i can't do anything right. i keep coughing from a cold, and the asthma. i'm shaking and i don't know why, maybe because i only had one meal today because i have been nausous all day.

[chiynita]

I'm sorry LL but it sounds like to me your torturing yourself. I always get so angry when a woman has to feel her worth through a man. Or vice versa. It makes me sick. I was like that when i was like 18.
You are better than that. I have a saying on my myspace. "Don't cry for anyone who won't cry for you."
Don't keep doing that to yourself. Just leave it alone and move on.
Noone can do anything to you that you don't let them. Stop worrying about what anybody says or thinks. Be strong girl.

[Biscuits]

Hi Lovelife

I know its hell what you are going through but i agree with the others who have posted similar stuff to what i am going to post.

You need to let him go and i know that can be hard but the only person who is getting hurt by all this crap is you. You need to stop checking on what he is or isn't saying about you and get on with your own stuff.

You are holding on to this man in your life right now even though he is causing you a great deal of pain and maybe you need to honestly ask yourself what payoff you are getting from it.

Be kind and loving to yourself, release him and maybe you will release yourself from all this torture.

[angel08955]

I have come to realize that he has lied about the job and probabaly many other things in our friendship. I am glad he and I never met offline because I could have been meeting someone who would do harm to me. Why should I believe anything he has said if he has lied bout stuff since day one?

Yes I know I lie at times, but i confess and appoligize. Maybe I'm jumping to conclussions, but from what I've been told by his ex(who he get back with for a few days) it sounds like he is lying about alot more. I'm done with him, just very pissed off. I tried to confront him and he told me I've caused enough damage. Hahaha, least I didn't say I loved him while not meaning it.

[angel08955]

OK so maybe things are better than I thought they were. I talked to him on the way up to school and he told me it was nice talking to me and thanked me for calling. I'm happy we talked. I found out his ex lied about stuff, so I'm just going to use my best judgement now.