Ahh, home again!

[bonbon]

Nice and comfy here is how I feel. I have been a member here for quite a minute. I was married to an alcoholic/drug addict for almost 10 years and this site saved my life. (Litereally) So, I am hoping once again to be here and help out back up in the friends and family of alcoholics/addicts as well as start on a little journey here.

Of coarse in a nutshell anyone can go back to my prior posts to learn about me, and i am saying this because mainly one of my weight loss goals is to make a point to be HERE everyday for my journaling and shareing. Quick re-cap on me, I used to weigh 330 pounds. In March of 2004 I began the Atkins diet, and lost over 140 pounds in like a year. It was life changing. I have always had an addiciton to food, and in my adult life unhealthy relationships. Which brings me to mentioning my X-A who I spent the better part of my early adult life with. He had an alcohol/drug problem that progresed over our years together, which ended with me coming to this site, getting help for ME and creating a better life for our daughter and myself. During the time I was with him I gradually turned to food as he turned to his DOC. It became a very sick and unhealthy cycle of events. This site and the wonderful people here saved me.

Upon being seperated from my A his downward spiral hastned and got worse and with time I got better and my daughter got better. We created a new life for ourselves. I started my diet and still had to hear his "quacking" from time to time but I knew there was nothing I could do for him anymore. I learned that here. I took baby steps in letting him go. I shifted the focus onto me and had outstanding results. Over the next couple of years and lots of broken promises from him and an no fatherly relationship with his daughter ,While on vacation in Las Vegas in October of 2005 I received a phone call on my cell and it was my X-A's sister, she told me he was shot and killed at a party where the drugs were good and he was much under the influence and got into a fight. He never made it alive to the ER.

I flew back home so I could get to our daughter to tell her myself. She was devestated. It truly showed me how much children of addicts still no matter how bad, love and need the love from their parents.

I spoke at his funeral, it was a sad,sad time. His mother knew he was and had been downhill for a long time. I still have a peaceful place in my heart because I know he no longers suffers under the grips of addiction.

Time heals us, (thats what "they" say) and it has for the most part. You move foward and for me his death was a new beginning for me and our daughter, I always had to look over my shoulder for him to pop up, although I would never wish bad upon anyone, he is in a better place. That much I know is true.

Fast foward from then to Now....

March of 2007

I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man. He wants to adopt my 10 year old daughter, and we just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who is now 5 months old. We have a nice place in the country live on two acres and we have a big ol dumb dog named Otis. Needless to say for once in my life, I feel very happy and content. No worries, no sleepless nights, no hiding my purse at night or the keys to the cars. I am truly happy.

Cept for-
My weight.

With the pregnancy I had a weight gain of 46 pounds and so far have gotten back down to 220. But I have a closet full of clothes I cant wear and have tried my old methods of weight loss and just couldnt bring myself to stay focused or keep it up. So, at the beginning of this month I got referred by my doctor to a local hospital medically supervised weight management program. I attend 24 weekly behavior modification classes and I use the Health One meal replacement product. (Its only available I beleive under medical supervision) So today is day 2 for me on this plan. For my weight I am placed on 5 meal replacements a day plus water. You can bake these powder mixes, make them into shakes, smoothies or whatever, our first class this past thursday was all about preparing the things. I was in a state of confusion when I left because it was kind of rushed but they did provide everyone in my class with a ton of information to take with us. Next week we begin the behaviour modification classes.

This is the part of the program I look foward to the most. I know I need to change my behavior patterns and eating patterns. I want to finish and reach my weight loss goal.

I feel like the 1st part of this program as the dietician stated in class, were breaking our addiciton to food by doing the meal replacements. Over the coarse of the next 24 weeks we will totally re-learn how to eat, why to eat and when and where to eat. I have to weigh in weekly before my class and we have to log everything meal replacement we do and the water and exercise we put in.

I started to begin a blog post and do my journaling in it, then I remembered that there was an eating disorder section here on my favorite forum in the world. So I figured I could do some daily thinking and posting here, and as I get solid information in my classes I can bring it here to help anyone thats interested.

These first few days are the hardest. I already know the drill. Of coarse it hasn't helped me much that for the past couple of weeks I have binge ate my a** off. On anything I wanted because I knew I had to start this yesterday.

I am a manager for a hotel and were minus some staff so my work hours have been soooo very hectic and stressful. Normally I would have made an exscuse to not start it now, or something of that nature but Im ok, Im on day two and this is my beginning.

I get long winded at times, but I feel new to alot of you folks and this way at least I can share about me while I learn about you all, and if along the way we can help each other I figure its well worth it.

So Im Stacy AKA BONBON, Nice to meet you all!

[Neagrm]

So nice to have you here, Stacy, and thanks for the great intro. I really look forward to hearing all about your experience with the program you're starting. I need to lose 30 lbs and need to get fit and exercise after falling into bad habits in recent years. Your story rings bells re I know I eat often out of loneliness/frustration/depression in a challenging marriage of many, many years. It began to catch up with me over th past ten years and also a chronic health condition with meds that sometimes increase appetite didn't help.

I'll write more later (we just returned from a long drive to pick up son from college for spring break and I need to go unpack).

Best wishes for your success and health!

[Pony]

Wow, welcome back to SR Bonbon.... It's so wonderful to hear from you and even better to hear that life is going great for you now. Congrats on your new life and baby.

I am so happy that you have come here to share this part of you journey with us. I have no doubt you will succeed and reach your goals again. You are already a few steps ahead in that you know and recognize what you need to do.

Lots of hugs.

[Wino40]

Hi Bonbon

It is good to have you here.

congrats on your program. Sounds like you have a handle on what really matters.

I am going to lose at least another 46 1/2 lbs. so we ought to be here a while.

Give Otis a doggy treat from an old man in Texas that thinks dogs are, by and large, better company than people. :>)

Ray

[margo]

Hey Bonbon! Great to see you! Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. Congratulations on your new baby and new life!

[Nina Kay]

Welcome back to SR, Bonbon, and a special welcome to the Eating Disorders Forum. Thanks so much for sharing your story and thanks for wanting to share any info that you get from your program with us here. We are always interested in learning more when it comes to rebuilding our health and maintaining a healthy weight.

Congratulations on your recent engagement and the birth of your new baby daughter.

[Ann]

I saw your name and just had to drop in for a big hug, Bonbon, welcome home.

Your story really touched my heart and I am so glad that you are taking good care of yourself and finding the happiness you have always deserved.

Special prayers going out for you and your daughter, and a big hug to the new baby and new man in your life.

Huge Hugs and Lotsa Love

[historyteach]

So good to hear from you and to hear such a wonderful story of recovery!
Congratulations on your new life and your new baby!
I look forward to getting to know you.

Shalom!

[BigSis]

(((Stacy))) I am in and out of my eating program, your story is very helpful to me. Thank you.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your ex..... I am also glad he is at last at peace. Yours is an excellent example of how recovery works.

((hugs))

[bonbon]

Hey thanks you guys! Yes, and I look foward to sharing with you all as well.
Im on day 3 or just about to go into day 4 of the meal replacements. I have to say so far it hasnt been as bad as I imagined. I have my moments when I get a craving or really want to sneak and eat, but for now I am controlling that by knowing the scale is going to move, and the fact that nothing changes if nothing changes. AND-it will get easier. Those are my mantras for now.

Gotta love it.

Hope everyone has had a great weekend. I finally got a day off, but Im back at it again, at least after this double I wont have to do anymore night shifts until the end of the week. By that time I hope to have someone hired!!

I look foward to getting to share and getting to know you all!

Thanks again for the biiiiiig ole welcome!!