Mothers Day - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Biscuits · 02-27-2007, 08:59 AM

Hi All

Beginning to feel a little stressed about the pressures and expectations around the forthcoming mothers day celebrations, it happens every year and i end up feeling resentful around it all. I don't worry to much about my own mother as we have an understanding relationship (we see each other as little as possible, we seem to get on better that way).

It all stems around my husbands mother who i get on okay with but she has a very controlling personality and the day is always centred around what her needs are, my husband bless him is really torn he understands how i feel but feels guilty if he doesn't give her what she wants. (She raised them on her own and tells stories of how she sacrificed her own happiness for her two boys)

I know its projection on my part but it needs sharing because its renting space in my head. Act as if! springs to mind as i am writing this but sometimes i just want to rebel from people, places and things that try to contol me.

Neagrm · 02-27-2007, 09:46 AM

Ah, the martyr mother story spinner -- and a controlling one at that! I couldn't/wouldn't tolerate that very well either.

Could be your husband has difficulty setting firm boundaries re his mother? It requires clarity and awareness and a little self-esteem.

Somewhere around here on SR there are some good stickies (power posts that always remain at the top of the forums) about relationships, including info about martyrdom, controlling, etc. I think it's at the top of the Families and Friends/Al-Anon, and perhaps the Substance Abuse forums. Have you taken a look at those? Very helpful in understanding the dynamics that might be at work. With understanding, it's easier to stay grounded and peaceful.

You're welcometo vent away here and explore your thoughts about it. Seems to me it's an important area for you and dh to discuss thoroughly and set your limits together. Good luck.

TryingisDying · 03-01-2007, 12:23 PM

What I think is that yes he should acknowledge his mom with a card or something...but if you have kids...IT'S YOUR DAY TOO..and you are the mother of his children, which happens to be his family now....Isn't it sad that some people remain so selfish

02-27-2007, 08:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
Biscuits GOD LOVES ME JUST THE WAY I AM Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 100	Mothers Day Hi All Beginning to feel a little stressed about the pressures and expectations around the forthcoming mothers day celebrations, it happens every year and i end up feeling resentful around it all. I don't worry to much about my own mother as we have an understanding relationship (we see each other as little as possible, we seem to get on better that way). It all stems around my husbands mother who i get on okay with but she has a very controlling personality and the day is always centred around what her needs are, my husband bless him is really torn he understands how i feel but feels guilty if he doesn't give her what she wants. (She raised them on her own and tells stories of how she sacrificed her own happiness for her two boys) I know its projection on my part but it needs sharing because its renting space in my head. Act as if! springs to mind as i am writing this but sometimes i just want to rebel from people, places and things that try to contol me. __________________ If you don't take a chance, you don't have one Love always Biscuits

03-01-2007, 12:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
TryingisDying Getting out of my own way! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Detroit ... but my heart is in Cali Posts: 209	What I think is that yes he should acknowledge his mom with a card or something...but if you have kids...IT'S YOUR DAY TOO..and you are the mother of his children, which happens to be his family now....Isn't it sad that some people remain so selfish __________________ **************************************** "Nothing changes..Nothing changes" ~Do Daily~ Am I meditating and getting closer to God? Am I eating and exercising correctly? Am I keeping up on my obligations and commitments? What am I doing for my pleasure?

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02-27-2007, 09:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
Neagrm Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Colorado, USA Posts: 157	Ah, the martyr mother story spinner -- and a controlling one at that! I couldn't/wouldn't tolerate that very well either. Could be your husband has difficulty setting firm boundaries re his mother? It requires clarity and awareness and a little self-esteem. Somewhere around here on SR there are some good stickies (power posts that always remain at the top of the forums) about relationships, including info about martyrdom, controlling, etc. I think it's at the top of the Families and Friends/Al-Anon, and perhaps the Substance Abuse forums. Have you taken a look at those? Very helpful in understanding the dynamics that might be at work. With understanding, it's easier to stay grounded and peaceful. You're welcometo vent away here and explore your thoughts about it. Seems to me it's an important area for you and dh to discuss thoroughly and set your limits together. Good luck.

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