mutter, mutter, fuss, fume.....

[smoke gets in my eyes]

I'm a little bummed. I lost 10 pounds. No wait... don't start rolling your eyes yet. Perhaps I mentioned before that I weighed more than I have ever weighed. This morning I broke out some of my summer dresses that always used to be a little big, and they still won't close over my bazooms. Kind of hard to feel new and improved if you have to keep wearing t-shirts and the dreaded drawstring pants.

Here's the other thing. I mentioned to Dino about now visiting this page and the fact that I had gained 40 pounds. "No you haven't". "Yes, I have." "You look exactly the same as you've always looked." I know I don't have to tell you guys that there are a dozen ways you can feel about that statement. My first reaction was "I am invisible. Even my fat is invisible." Then, "He is so wonderful that he only sees the inner me." Then.. "well, I must always have looked like a slob." Then "Oh, it's just that I am such a beautiful person that looks don't matter." Then "So why do I care." Then "He's lying. He must be secretly disgusted. ". And around and around. Thank goodness he couldn't hear what was going on in my head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

I'm going for a glass of water but I think I may need to pour this one over my head.

ssssssssmoke

[Paulie]

Smoke -

First - congrats on the 10 pounds, that is great!!!

Second, isnt' it funny how two people that have never even met, and from what little I know about your profession and life seems to be very differnt from mine. But yet, we have the EXACT SAME thoughts go through out head? That is just amazing to me. And I know for a fact that you and I are not the only ones with these thoughts every female I know has them. I felt that way when I got home Saturday night, for some reason I thought that Paul had forgotten what size I was. I was 100 pounds thinner when I met him 15 years ago, but I was using and way too thin. But I thought that he looked surprised when he saw me, like wow she got fat. But I am sure that is not what happened at all. But boy did my head go through some crazy thoughts, just like yours.

After you are done pouring the water over your head, pat yourself on the back for the 10 pounds. The pat is from me, great job!!!! Now drink the next glass, don't bathe in it :p .

Right now my head is telling me "see she did it, why can't you?" But I can do it and I will. My weight is affecting my health now and that has to be movitation for me. My feet have been swollen since 6/7 when I was in NY. The swelling should have gone done my now, and it has a bit, but then just swells right back up again. I am going to the Dr. today because they hurt also, do you think she is going to tell me to lose weight? Duh, I think so!!!

Take care and you are right, what matters is what is inside, and that we are healthy. I am not looking to be a size 5 again like when I was using, I just want to feel comfortable and healthy. I want my inners to match my outers, if that makes sense.

Again, keep up the good work - gulp gulp gulp.
I will let you know what the dr. says.
Have a great day.

[Pony]

Hi everyone,

It probably is a good thing that our other half's can't hear what goes on inside our heads. I think sometimes we shouldn't hear all that either. lol It is our negative insecure self talking and we shouldn't listen to that person. But I know what you all are saying. Unfortunately here I have someone who is reinforcing those neg. thoughts I have by loudly verbalizing what going through his mind. I'm trying to learn to plug my ears when it comes to his ramblings, he's not very constructive when comes to this. I must admitt that some days it does get to me, but others I just block it out.

So I did something yesterday in hopes of giving me a push forward. I joined a gym. I know your probably thinking "that's good as long as you get there, right?" Well that's very true and the fact that I have to pay for it has me committed to going. I hate to waste money.

I for today I had a sandwich some pretzles and a yogurt for my brunch time break. I'm going to go buy me a big bottle of water to take back to work, and we'll see how the rest of my day goes.

Have a great day everyone!

Pony Glad to have everyone back here!

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Dang.
Well, if you're going to the gym, I guess I'd better get those hand weights that I bought last fall out of the trunk.

glub (hic) glub....

[Jon]

I'd lift weights if they weren't so damn HEAVY...

:p

[Juls]

Hey Everyone,

I have some news for you that I just recently learned. All that yougurt we eat, and think it is good diet food? It is not. Yogurt is very high in carbohydrates. Carbohydrates make us fat. I've heard that a good diet is very low carbohydrates (30 grams, I think), modertate protein, and fruits and veggies.

Of course some fruits and veggies are high in carbs also. Bananas for instance, and corn, and potatoes.

A snack that I enjoy is cream cheese on celery sticks. Or almond butter on celery sticks or apples.

Let me know what you all think of this info.

[Paulie]

You are so right about the carbs!!. I have been learning alot about them also. For example, a bagel is low fat and I always heard great for breakfast, but now I read that they are not good because they are so high in carbs. Carbs turn to sugar and sit in our fat cell. Protein is what is used as fuel. It is all so confusing, carbs, fat grams, calories ahhhhhhhhh it makes me crazy!!!!!!