Is this the light?? (at the end of the tunnel)

[sleepdemon]

I first discovered this message board about a month ago one night in the depths of despair... when I knew I had to get healthy or... well, you know...or DIE! A little about my years of strife that brought me to such disatrous states... Been bi-polar since 15 yrs. old, been bulimic for 11 years, -- boy have those years taken their toll. Started to gain massive poundage a year ago... found out a month ago my body now does not use insulin properly and have had to go on some medicine for it. That definately made me see the light. I now cannot eat more than 100g of carbs or any sugar.... but remember that I was and am used to eating Everything and anything I wanted these last hellish 11 years. However, this is my 3rd week of not overeating and exercising. I can't believe I have done this. Is this what recovery is? I've never done it outside of a hospital treatment center. This is also my 6th week of not drinking and 8 weeks from not doing any drugs. Let me tell you it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I get so scared to think that I'll break down and go back to my old habits. Jeez this is a scary thought, or I'll go through a depressive episode!! No! Not that!! I've also been in seclusion at my parent's house since Feb. 20th. I do not leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone. I have this bubble wrapped around me so I will stay on the straight and narrow. I'm afraid of any outside influences. I do not want to mess up and die!!! My worst times for wanting to munch is about from 5pm on. I am very hungry right now but I will not give in. It's so hard to keep on an eating regime, not to throw up and to exercise when my thighs chafe together. But I don't want to die homeless. I keep trying to put my finger on why I've been doing so well and remaining strong. I think the sunny weather has a little to do with it. Crap!! I hope I haven't jinxed myself by saying all this!! I am a little--no, majorly disheartened because despite my strenuous exercise and meticulous calorie watching I've only lost 2 teeny pounds. Well, @ least I don't puke up ribbons of blood and walk around hunched over because my gut is screaming, right?? Sending good vibes to you all!!

[Pray_Lady]

GOOD FOR YOU!! YAY!!!

I am so happy for you on your success so far.

Remember that we have a disease that tells us we're going to fail, so thinking that you're going to fail isn't failing, it's just part of the disease! Coming here and talking about it and getting support is going toward health.


Remember that it's only one day at a time. You don't have to take care of tomorrow, today, or take care of the next hour right now. I only have to get through this moment. Some times are definitely harder than others, but it gets better and easier over time. It really does!

Keep coming back. You are worth it!!

[sleepdemon]

thanks so much praylady... Today is gonna be a tough one... feel pretty wiped out. It is also very gloomy here in Ohio today.I suppose I have to force myself to walk in the park while my dad sits eating fried chicken and potatos! AAAHHHHH! Hope you are doing well. Thanks so much for the support!! God bless you!!