HELP!

Hi everybody, I just found this board today and am I ever happy about that. I am in deep trouble and I don't know where to begin.
Please bare with me...I recently went on insulin and I have gained 40 lbs. since Dec. I am so fat, none of my clothes fit, I feel like a tank and my eating is out of control. My Doc wants to put me on a liquid diet but I don't think I can do that. I am also depressed and on anti-depressants. I'm so scared and I don't know where to turn.
My childhood was a nightmare and my Mother used to hide food and count every morsel in the house. I sure do have wt. issues but now I consider myself to be way out of control. My blood pressure has gone sky high since the insulin and I have NO energy. My sugars are high and my hands are numb. I am seeing a specialist who just says that its normal to gain wt. when you go on insulin because you don't pee it out anymore. Any advise, encouragement or wisdom you good people can provide will be so appreciated. God Bless you all!

Welcome.. I wish that there was some advice or help I could give you but right now I am in such a bad place myself it would all come out totally messed up I am sure of.. SO just want to say welcome and the group here is great..

Chey

[Pray_Lady]

Hi CatDog Lady,

Welcome, and God Bless you, too!

Sounds like you're going through a really rough time right now. Good for you for looking for support. Do you know about taking things one day at a time? That's something that has worked really well for me. I don't (or try not to) worry about tomorrow or next week or next month, and just do the best I can to get through today in a sane way. Sometimes I have to even back up and just get through this hour in a sane way! But if I keep just putting one foot in front of the other and take care of myself the best I can today, then pretty soon one day turns into a week, turns into a month, turns into a year...

But the truth is that tomorrow doesn't exist yet and I can't take care of myself tomorrow, today. The only time I can take care of myself is now. When I concentrate on what's going on right now I usually do pretty well.

Don't know if that helps you any, but I'm glad you're here and look forward to getting to know you.

Take care!

Pray Lady

Thanks so much for your response. I was beginning to think I must really be a sick-o. Today I am feeling much better then yesterday when I posted that note. You are right, its one day at a time, 1 hour, sometimes even one minute. Thanks for reminding me to live just for today and let go of the controlling thoughts of all the what if's which I cannot do anything about. Have a great day and thanks for caring enough to respond.

[firefly]

Hello Catdogldy,

Welcome, I'm glad that you are here.

I can just imagine how out of control things must feel right now. It's very good that you are seeing people to treat you. It also sounds like you are directing your level of care. Despite what others say, if we really listen to our bodies, we really do know them best. About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic digestive disorder, which I have to this day. This disorder was the result of me not listening to my body, many parts of it, for many years. At the time, I was having issues with over eating, and, ironically, this disorder has helped me loose and maintain my weight. It also has left me with numerous issues to deal with and the need to change many things in my life; some of my symptoms, including pain that can leave me incapacitated, make me feel like my body belongs to someone else. The behaviors that lead to the disorder have been much harder to modify. I'm also very lucky that I didn't shift into anorexia, a disorder I was hospitalized with while in high school. I've also been bulimic, much easier to hide than over eating or anorexia. My childhood was a nightmare too.
I know that recovery takes lots and lots of work. All the stuff underneath the eating disorder, block emotions, twisted beliefs, thoughts, are the hardest things to get at. I agree with Pray Lady and you that the only way to get through is day to day, sometimes moment to moment. Your are here, and this is a wonderful start.


Peace and joy,

firefly

[sleepdemon]

Hi there catdogldy! I can understand where you're coming from-- was just diagnosed as insulin resistant and put on some med. too.I knew I was playing with fire being bulimic for sooooo many years and finally mother nature has caught on that I've been tricking her! Aren't you glad though that there is med. to help you... I didn't realize how dangerous and life threatning diabetes can be. Please, keep taking your insulin and Please refrain from eating sugar!!!! The weight will come off if you measure your food and fast walk. I've been doing that---- and ohm'ga' has it been furiously frustrating considering I was used to eating around 30,000 cal. a day for 11 years... but I am doing it... it's NOT fun, but it is time to pay the piper before I do get full blown sugar. I hope you are starting to feel better. Be strong and hang tough girlee. Am on my 3rd week of recovery!!!!!!! This is the first time I've EVER been able to say that. I 'm going to say it again---I AM IN RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pony]

Welcome CatDogldy,

It's always nice to have new people come in. No you're not a sick-o as you put it. We are all here because we have issues with our food and behaviors. All of us have addictions of one thing or another, many of us muliple addictions. But the one thing is that it is all retrainable. All of us have felt "out-of-control" with our addictions/issues so we have understanding here and support. So be sure to keep coming back to talk, vent, rejoyce on good days, but most of all recover.

You have taken the first steps in addimitting and then looking for help. That's very good. The one thing I have found that I need to remind myself, quite often, is that I didn't develope these addictions and food issues overnight, so I can't expect myself to conquere then overnight either. It took years for these habits to come about. And through determination and consistancy I can relearn healthy habits in which to live with. Like some of the good people here have already said, take it one day at a time and just deal with that one day. Sooner or later you'll find yourself thinking more that one day ahead and planning; and eventually it just becomes a part of your everyday life. But it takes time.
Good luck and we're glad you're here. Keep coming back, because we can learn from you also.

Today is a good day!

Pony

[firefly]

Right on Pony

Thank you all for writing to me. It has really helped lift my spirits. I don't feel alone anymore. As you know, I'm sure, I was getting very depressed the last time I wrote. I was so overwelmed with everything. Well, I ended up in the ER and was diagnosed as having mild congestive heart failure. They put me on diaretics and the next day my blood pressure was back to normal. Some of the swelling has gone down and I see a specialist tomorrow. I am not feeling as tired as I was and I feel more hopeful. I will let you know how I'm doing. Thank you so much for all the love and support.

[firefly]

Hey catdogldy,

Sending you love and blessings

and, please keep us posted.

Peace,

firefly


[This message has been edited by firefly (edited April 23, 2002).]