I missed you all

Hi, All.

I haven't been on for a couple of weeks. I have missed you. Sometimes the hours, days, weeks, pass in the blink of an eye, and I don't know where I've been, but I have this uneasy feeling whatever I was doing wasn't good.

In reality, I have been busy trying to keep up with my 4 and 5 year old daughters, my husband, my elderly Dad who lives with us, my aunt who lost her daughter (my cousin) a year ago, my oldest brother who just lost his job, and my middle brother who is just plain lost.

Meanwhile, I have been trying to recover from all the craziness in the world, like the political violence, and the atmospheric violence. Me and my car were hit by a tornado last September, and I am just now trying to put it behind me, by stop fighting the insurance company and just getting a new car, but I hate how much it costs. So now I have a new car, and two days ago another tornado worse than the one in September hit nearby again. I am so freaked out about it, because I believe it's from global warming and no one seems to be doing anything about it.

Everything I've read says it's from cutting down trees and burning oil, so I'm trying to plant trees and drive less, but I sort of betrayed the cause by getting a car that isn't as fuel efficient as I'd like. It only gets 35 miles to the gallon. And do you know, by writing that down to you all, my stomach started to ease, and I am not in pain for this moment.

I feel so out of control sometimes. I try so hard to be a good person, but then it seems like I get overworked, and snap at the ones I love most. I worry so much that I'm too harsh with my girls. On one hand I want to protect them, but on the other hand, I want them to learn how to fend for themselves.

Like the coyote incident. We live in a semi-rural area, and the other day my neighbor told me he saw an animal go into my barn. He said it looked like a wild dog. I asked him if it was a coyote (which have been reported in our county lately), and he didn't know. But my daughters were there during the discussion, so I told them, especially my 4 year old who only weighs 33 lbs., not to play on the swingset or go to the barn without a grown up. They got scared, so we looked up coyotes on the internet, and the facts only made us more scared. Now they're both having nightmares, and my husband blames me. AAAAAARGH!!!

And so I can't control the weather, or people who drop bombs, or wild animals, or my children, or myself, so I want to eat. And I can't control that either. But I do know that being in recovery is the only life preserver I have, so I am reaching out, and it is reaching back.

Thank you all, and Thank God we're here now.
Love,
LPM

[Pray_Lady]

Hey LPM, welcome back.

We need to our part to be taking care of each other and the earth, but we also need to remember that ultimately the results are out of our control. I know what we're doing to the environment is bad, but there have been umpteen thousand episodes of global warming before humans even existed. So, even if we were doing everything right, the earth will still get warmer some day, and then get cooler again.

We can never be perfect because that's not how this world and humans are made. And that's OK! When we have compassion for ourselves about the things that we fall short on, we can have compassion for others and their shortcomings - and that increases the peace in the world.

How scary to have two brushes with tornadoes! We spent three years in Michigan, most of it in the basement with a mattress over our heads and the weather channel on. I'll take the earthquakes in Montana over tornados anyday! :-}

God bless you and your family.



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Peace,

Pray Lady

IPM,

Whoah, tornados. I have seen documentary specials on them, on the Learning Channel, and I would be terrified to have been in one. Don't beat yourself up about the kids and the coyote incident. We as parents don't always know in advance that something we say or do will scare our kids. The other night, my daughter 5, after brushing her teeth was sticking her toothbrush up the faucet. I told her that if she kept doing that she would get bad germs in her mouth and the dentist would have to take out her teeth. I was joking, but she didn't take it that way. She got very upset, and started crying. I felt very guilty, bad mom. I apologized to her and told her I was just teasing with her.

Unfortunately, food and eating, can be soothing. And have the unwanted side of effects of weight gain. For me the problem is not that I eat alot, but I need to be exercising. I must have some kind of slow metabolism, because even when I did exercise regularly, it was still hard for me to keep my weight down.

Well, glad you are back, take care, and don't be too hard on yourself.

Juls