losing my way....finding my path back...

[Pony]

OK, myself is having issues with my choices of food this week. BAD. I have been just eating.....not caring much about what is has been and but yet caring because I know I should be making better choices. So why am I not..... good question. It's not so much what I am choosing, although the ice cream I had for breakfast was probably not a good idea, but also that I am overeating. Too big a portions, and then I feel sick afterwards and guilty because I know better and think...." How stupid I did this to myself."


There is just so much going on in my head these days and I haven't taken the time to jounal anything out. When I have down time...the quiet time, I am tooooooo tired to think or write anything. Geez, I have found myself falling asleep right here at the computer just reading posts and trying to answer them.

I know I need to make some "me time" , but finding that time is another story.

Anyway, my daughter played her second soccer game yesterday. they lost but not too bad. The other team was a well seasoned team that has played together for a many seasons and they are good. The score was 2-1 so I think our girls did pretty good holding them off. We are a young team..meaning that most of our girls are younger in age than most of the other teams and that this is our first year playing all together as a team. A core group of the girls (my daughter included) have played together last season with this very coach (which is what he brought over with him to this club from another one) and then some others were added that have been with this club before. I think we have a good team that will improve as the season goes on. We have an awesome coach.

Ok, I am rambling on about my daughter's soccer....not much in my life to talk about huh...well, not true, but it is easy to get sidetract from my own issues. LOL Much of my own problem is that I stay too long inside my own head and thoughts. dangerous ground!! Someone recently ( a friend that is trying to be helpful) kept asking me in a dicussion type manner, about my relationship with my daughter's father (who I still live with, but separately in the residence) and why don't I find another guy and so on. I hate talking about that stuff. Why do I need to find another guy? What if another guy isn't ever in the picture again? Am I just supposed to think that finding another guy to have a relationship with is going to fix everything that is wrong with me and my life??? I think not !!

I mean sure I enjoy companionship and yes, I am a big flirt, and yes, umm feeling attractive and feeling like someone wants me in a (dare I say it) sexual, romantic way would be nice, but it can't be everything for why I would eat right and lose the weight and achieve my healthy living status. But lately that all the gets mentioned to me by others and so it's what is in the front of my mind. I don't want it there. It's like.... "Lose Weight, Get a Mate!" the catchy phrase to cheer me on to a better life...

I don't know.....what I am saying. Probably thinking that I have finally lost my mind...lol....getting there fast is what I say...LOL
Recently I have really just screwed up with my program and the only excuse is that I have lost it..... lost my incentive I guess. I feel lost and struggling to get back on track with what I was doing and getting some where with. I have made attempts to do the right things but my follow through has been...well, less than happening. And that all to familiar question keeps popping in my brain...."What's wrong with me?" .... sheesh.

Like I have said many times before, I know what I am supposed to do, but doing it seems to be falling short. I know all the cliche' answers, like when you are ready you will do something..... and I am worth it.... just keep on going, etc..... heck I say them also. and Yes, I am babbling here. Just rambling on hoping for some light bulb moment to exist and tell me what or how I am going to get moving forward.


Thanks all for listening and caring to have read this far...lol....maybe you all are as crazy as I am.... Hee hee hee.

[Pony]

Ms.B, thanks for the support. I am trying to share more in hopes that keep from isolating, keep it out in the open, so that this disease doesn't progress into further addictive behaviors and I get myself back on the right path.


AS for men and relationships....well, that thought always messes with my mind. I know in my heart that a having a relationship doesn't define who I am, but .... well, there are those days. You know!!

[Nina Kay]

OK, myself is having issues with my choices of food this week. BAD. I have been just eating.....not caring much about what is has been and but yet caring because I know I should be making better choices. So why am I not..... good question. It's not so much what I am choosing, although the ice cream I had for breakfast was probably not a good idea, but also that I am overeating. Too big a portions, and then I feel sick afterwards and guilty because I know better and think...." How stupid I did this to myself."

Hi Pony,
I'm sorry that I'm coming in so late on this conversation. My excuse is that I've been leaving so early every morning and getting home so late. This paragraph of yours came back to me clearly as I read it. This was me exactly, a few months ago, just before I gave up sugar, aspertame, & sodas. After a few weeks of abstaining from these things, I felt so much better physically, mentally & spiritually, that I wouldn't touch these things again for anything. I don't know if this would work for you or not, as I know that everyone's body is different, but it might be worth a try for just a short period to see if it would help. My cravings were gone and have been for all of these months too, so that makes it possible just for today, for me to continue to abstain. I've had a few tempting times, but no cravings, and I always got away from the temptation as fast as I possibly could, because I know my limitations. I just thought that I'd throw out a few ideas, but I mostly wanted you to know how much I can truly understand what you are up against. I fought that for all of my life since I was a teen.

And NO, but JMHO, you definitely don't need a man in your life to define you. You are a complete and wonderful person, all by yourself. Now if you ever find a man who will love you for who you are and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated, then that will be one lucky man, to have someone as loving and kindhearted as you are in his life. You definitely should never settle for anything less. That's my take on the subject.