Relapse.

[Nina Kay]

I have slipped 3 times in the last couple of weeks or less. I feel that this constitutes a relapse, at least that's the way that I feel inside. I did overeat each time. I didn't have any sugar or aspertame or sodas, but I did overeat. I didn't gorge like I used to when I went into a binge, but I did compulsively overeat.

There have been so many factors that have led up to this, but the character defects lie inside of me. I have had emotional reactions to several different things going on in my life that seemed to happen one right after the other and overlapping. It just steadily got more overwhelming for me in so many directions.

I've also been missing some of my f2f meetings lately, which couldn't be helped. My sponsor got a new job and so I feel uncomfortable just calling her anytime after she's off because I know that she's tired and adjusting. This forum got pretty stressful for me lately. I'm just feeling like things that I was doing to build up my recovery, are falling apart in every direction that I turn, lately. I know that it is just me being weak and my nerves acting up again.

I know that I really need to make a written out plan to fall back on in times like these. Like an alternative..... Plan B, I guess. For each thing that ususally helps me in my recovery, I need to have an alternative.

I've also been staying up later again and staying on the computer too long again. That really throws me into a really tired body. Even when I get enough hours of sleep, if it's not the right hours, I'm still feeling tired in every way.

I guess that I just felt like I needed to be honest here about what all is going on with me lately. Not saying anything just tends to make me avoid this forum and I really don't want to do that. I really need you all here and I would love to try to be here for anyone who might need someone, when I can. I didn't realize just how much I did really get from coming here to share with you all, until I didn't feel free to really express my true self any longer. I do need you all and I do care about you all. We really need to support each other. We don't have to always agree on everything, but I really believe that it's important for each of us to get to be who we truly are and we need to feel free to share anything that we want to if it is not harmful or hurtful to anyone else.

I guess that I've rambled on as much as I need to for now. I'm gonna go and get some rest and then try to write out a basic plan for myself, in light of what I've been feeling as a prelude to this relapse. Thanks to anyone who cared enough to read all of this babbling.

[Pony]

It is not babbling...maybe rambling...lol...but good rambling.

Nina, Thanks for sharing this with us. Being real isn't easy, it's hard to admitt that we don't have it all together. But then that is why we are all here. Recovery isn't some magic place we find ourselves in and now everything is our lives is "peachy keen". It's the day to day living; the choices we make and the learning and sharing and growth we experience. It's the recognizing of the red flags that go up when we feel ourselves going in the other direction; and then the active steps we take to bring ourselves back on track.

Progress, not Perfection !!!!!!! remember

About your sponsor....have you expressed your concern to her??? Becasue that is important. You may be overly concerned about something that isn't really an issue with her, and then on the other hand, if it is and she cannot be available to you as you need, then maybe it's time to get another sponsor. I know that it is not that easy to just break in a new sponsor, but you have to take care of you also. That's important. There nothing worse than feeling like you can't talk to nobody and that you have no-where to turn to.

We are here for you too, darlin', and through your sharing, others do get the help they need. Covers two things at once. I know you said that you liked it when I shared more....well.....goes both ways girlfriend. I am here!!

but first off, so what you need to for you. How's that plan coming???

[smiling jack]

Hi Nina,

You have given a lot of yourself...and done what's needed to bring more recovery into your life. I probably don't do 5 seconds perfectly, but I am making progress...when I skin my knee....because I get up and try again.

And you are, too, and so is MsB, and the rest of us who want to be recovering (food, obvious sweets, alcohol, drugs, love & sex, gambling, etc.) from our addiction(s) rather than be practicing our addictions.

Your experience, strength and hope help me continue my recover from my addictions, one day at a time.