I believe my girlfriend has a gambling prob

[yankee76]

I have been dating the same girl for the past 4 yrs now and we have 2 Casinos that have opened not very far from the house. We live in what is called a dry county, no liquor can be purchased, but they sell liquor at the Casino. She would say lets go to the Casino a get a beer. We started going to the Casino couple yrs ago and would spend $20 and go home. I feel it has gotten way out of control for her. She has spent in excess of $15,000 in the past yr alone,money she got in a divorce settlement, $2500 in Jan alone, and that is all she thinks about these days going to the Casino. I have left her, more than once for this but still get back with her, on several occasions she would not meet me when she said she would then later tell me she was at the Casino all night. She now spends $300 - $500 a night. It is very heart wrenching for me as I care a great deal for her but there seems nothing I can do about it. I read the 20 questions and she would answer yes to about 13 of them. I need help dealing with this. I cannot even stand listening to the commercials for the Casino anymore. When I told her I hated the Casino her comment to me was "good I wont have to see you there when I go" That was the last straw. Where do I turn. HELP!!!!!!!

[iuchewie]

have you had a serious discussion with her voicing your concerns? have you asked her if she thought she had a problem? as with all addicts, we don't necessarily KNOW we've got a problem until it's too late.

chewie

[yankee76]

Thanks for the response. That is the hard part of it she and everyone in her family knows she has a problem and when everyone gets together they make a big joke about it. I have told her brother it kills me when you all laugh at it, its not funny to me at all. She has said to me many of times I know I have a problem but still goes. She is a very talented woman with a degree and all in business, I know. I just cant keep going down this road.

[best]

Being a girlfriend your best way to deal with it is set boundaries with her.
Continue...I move on and won't be dragged down with you.
In a marriage the boundaries can be adjusted more so. I take over the checkbook and limit what damage can be done. I see it as a point of self preservation not a control.
We can't change others but we can change how the actions of others affect us.
Tuff choices but it can become a choice of waiting out till they reach a point of seeing how much damage they are doing (lost house bills beyond measure) or that of making a choice to cut contact. I listed extremes here but with our choices we can find a balance that works for us and what we are willing to accept or not accept.
Can't change them. We can try to educate them but untill they are ready to accept the truth, they will continue.

[yankee76]

Thanks Best

I think the sad truth is that I am moving on without her. She has 3 kids aswell I and I am tired. I love her so much and her kids but I just cant see us continuing down this road. I will no longer be an inabiler. I havent seen her in 3wks now and she is not known for saying sorry and coming back. I guess this is not a cinderalla story, I truly wish it was , Thanks again

[Spiritual Seeker]

Sounds like you've grown apart. Besides or because of the addiction there doesn't seem to be any compromise. you obviously wouldn't want to have any financial ties w/ her so where is the future? so sorry for the decline in your gal

[SaTiT]

Sorry...so sorry

I went through the samething with my GF. there's casino in every direction
we drive and they're push to open one right in our community.
I felt bad because she had never gambled in her life until i took her.
It start off as just $20 and we're on our way some where else...
but it turned into a total nightmare. i say we slam in about 1/2 mill
within three years, between the two of us.
i started gambling everyweekend too, but when I had enough
it was a constant battle. First i had to admit to myself that i had
a problem with it.
it took it's toll us and pretty much a lot of wrackage.

The honest truth is..there wasn't anything I did within the two years
that could had stopped her. I struggle and fought her or the disease.
No amount of autimatum..nothing..nothing..i tried everthing under the sun.

I had to let her go and started working on my co-dependency and
my recovery program. after i hit my bottom. it took everything
out of me and it hurted like hell to let her go...
Admitting i was co-dependent was a bit wierd and strange for me
but i had to accept it in order for me to get well.

about a year later..
She had to hit her bottom..it wasn't pretty. it's about as dangerous
as anytype of addiction

[phillip.whiting]

I think my girlfriend is getting hooked on Bingo. Is it her? Or is it just my imagination?
I have just found this site; and was hoping someone can help my girlfriend and her mother have just been talking. We are both of the same opinion that my girlfriend is starting to get addicted to bingo.
She started off just going once every couple of months, and then it started getting more frequent. Now its most days’ even more than once a day. Every time I suggest we go out for the evening, the immediate response is get is bingo. She never wants to go out for meals any more like couples do. The response I get is "You can get food at Bingo." Apart for the fact she no longer wants to spend anytime with me outside the bingo hall, I am not sure where the money is coming from to fund this addiction.
Do any of you guys out there know where I am coming from?
Many thanks,

[Ihatedrugs]

Yeah i do man it really does sound like she's getting hooked on bingo, she's changing her normal self to make bingo a bigger part of her life. I used to have a gambling addiction, it's gotten better now and i don't gamble much at all thank god, but it really sucked.

[rozied]

I read your post & I felt so bad for you. I was married when I was 18. He used to gamble all the time on the horses. I left him 9 times in a yr. Almost every penny went to gambling. I wound up divorcing him when I was 27. I loved this man with every ounce of my being. Nothing I did or said changed him. I was left to raise 2 sons by myself. After 10yrs on my own I remarried. I did not see or talk to my ex for over 30 yrs. About 6 wks ago he called me. He is now 62 yrs old. He told me he went from gambling to drugs. He spent the better part of his adult life in jail. He told me almost 5 yrs ago he finally had had enough ( reached his bottom ) He now lives with his cousin & is trying to put his life back together.
Gam-Anon would be a good group for you to ck out. I hope my sharing has helped you see there is nothing you can do. Work on yourself & your life. Gambling is as bad as drugs.
Diane

[yankee76]

Thank you Diane I went over to her house last night and she jsut said it is ok to blame me for everything. I told her older brother about her problem because he is the president of the bank she banks at and he in turn told quite a few family members and now she says I am the bad guy and if she has to chose between me and her family I am the one that has to leave. Maybe it was all for the best. I am tottally wiped out, tired. I do love her with my all and she would rather spend her fre time at the Casino than with me. I told her that I hated the Casino and her remark was good I wont have to worry about seeing you there when I go. I thought I would be spending my life with her but I guess I must move on now knowing that I still have all I came into this relationship with. I was told that she would not stop until she hits bottom as well, she says that she has no problem, because she pays her bills, at least the ones she doesnt loose. Anyway thanks for your response, what a waste of life.!!!!!!!