God

[Gypsygirlmom]

OK, I know this is going to sound strange but I was wondering if maybe anyone had any insight, or maybe I am just crazy.

The other night I was laying in bed, next to my husband, whom we haven't been getting along to greatly lately. Saying the Serenity prayer & probably obsessing.....Any how, all of a sudden I have this thought that God is gone. I just felt empty, alone. It was a sad feeling and scary. And I was screaming in my head "Oh my God, where are you???" Where did you go?, I can't find you, I can't feel you??? I kept telling myself that I knew he was there, but I just felt so alone.

Why would I have such a thought? Any ideas?

Hugs,
Lisa

[vinnietoo]

Lisa,

The only times I have ever had these thoughts is when
things have not gone "MY" way. G-d has never left me,
but I have left him or so I thought. It is hard to leave G-d
behind as he is always there, when my way conflicts with His
then I feel alone. Hope this helps a little.

Blessings,
Vinnie

[Paulie]

Lisa -

My 4 cents has to agree with Vinnie. In the past whenever I have had that lonely feeling come over (and I know what you mean) it was because I was not listening to God, I was shutting him out. Maybe you were focusing on the bad, you said you and your husband have not been getting along.

God is always there, I just don't always listen. Maybe you were doing the same. but you were listening to him when you posted this thread, you were reaching out for comfort, that is what I believe he wants us to do.

There could have been many reasons for the feelings you had. You could have been having flashbacks from your childhood. You could have reacted from fear of "what if God is not really there" and just thought yourself into a panic. (intrusive thoughts) I do this kind of thing quite often and have learned not to pay attention to it.

Our belief is based on faith. Not site, Not sound, Not our own thoughts, and Not emotions. No matter what we hear, think, see or feel we turn to faith. We couldn't believe in God at all without faith and it is the solid ground that keeps us from being blown around with all the doubt that can come upon us from different sources.

Here is a scripture that helps me when I go through this.

Rom 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Our faith is made stronger through many trials. Sometimes that trial is feeling that God's presence has been removed from us. This is when faith has to supercede everything else. Being grounded in scripture is what helps me get through these times.

Hugs to all,
MG

[2bblessed]

Regardless of the reality that God is always near, our feelings sometimes tell us He has disappeared. Many Christians speak of the "dark night of the soul," or a "desert" experience in which they cannot sense the presence of God. God is not far off, but we may withdraw ourselves due to sin and disobedience to God's will. Without being conscious of it even, I have backed away from God (praying less, in the Word less, around fellow believers less) because of feeling ashamed of something I have done or said, as if I could hide from Him. I have learned to confess my sins daily and ask forgiveness, keeping as clean a slate as I can. I also believe that unforgiveness can stand in the way. There are two kinds. 1. Unforgiveness of self: When old sins come to mind...things I still may feel guilty about, I remind myself "That is forgiven." 2. Unforgiveness of others (even God): If I am holding a grudge against someone, justified or not, I forgive, even though I may still feel angry. This has helped me to stay closer to the Lord. But, I also believe that there are times of testing that have nothing to do with anything we have or haven't done, when God strengthen us so that we learn to walk by faith and not by sight. It is painful to go through them. Love,

[vinnietoo]

Chris,

Thanks for sharing that!!

Blessings to you and yours,
Vinnie

MG & P it goes without saying...

[Gypsygirlmom]

Thank you guys for sharing. I don't feel so strange. I had only read Vinnies post before I had to go somewhere and I really thought about if I am trying to force things to be MY way, force MY will. Perhaps I am. In wanting everyone to get healthy so badly, I am still saying "MY way is the way to recovery" or the way I think is the way. When in reality, they are all Gods children, and I need to step out of the way. I thought I was, but I think when hurtful things are done to me, I feel the need to set them straight, like this is NOT how you act or treat someone. Is this something I need to let go of? You all really hit a huge point with me today.

Chris ~ the being unforgiving. I am still not able to forgive him for his last drama. Yet to receive forgiveness, I need to practice forgiveness. It's just so hard to do when you're still hurting.

Pauline & Vinnie ~ I didn't think I was shutting him out, as I was praying. But I know I have been obsessing also, and maybe just going thru the motions of praying. Like the poem, everything I have been trying to give to him, I just took back because he is working too slow. I know he is always there, and that makes sense. I am not listening. I have been having a hard time focusing on anything lately.

MG ~ It sure felt like a panic. And then I noticed I was quietly crying. But I did let myself feel my feelings. And I thought that maybe if I went thru feeling this, I would feel him again. The scripture fit perfect, as I know it to be true. Perhaps, I am questioning faith. Sometimes I do that, but then I will tell myself that if I had no faith, I wouldn't be praying to a God. So I know that somehow I do have the faith that God is there, which means I have the belief.
Chris said "Walk by Faith, not by sight" and MG said "Our belief is based on faith. Not site, Not sound, Not our own thoughts, and Not emotions." How do we know if we have faith? How do we get faith?

You guys really helped me alot in looking at this. I never want to feel it again. I just don't know what I am doing wrong sometimes, maybe I am just trying to darn hard.

Hugs

Lisa,

Just keep giving yourself to God just as you are and let Him do His work in you. He'll let you know. Trust Him. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. He is very patient. We can run in circles until we exaust ourselves or we can trust God to do His work.

He knows you better than you know yourself and He knows what He is doing in your life. He has a plan. As JT says. More will be revealed.

Let go and let God.

Hugs,
MG

[JT]

Gypsy,

You cannot force solutions. What you have been through recently may very well have been a last straw of sorts. I know for me it would have been. Be gentle with yourself...do something nice. You can only change you and no amount of trying to be heard or validated by your husband will make it happen.

God IS there. For me I sometimes feel "in Grace" and other times I have to listen real hard. But to do that I have to relax inside myself and be quiet. You probably can't hear Him over the clutter in your head. When you are trying to work it out in your own mind His voice cannot be heard.

Hugs,
JT

[Ann]

This wonderful poem always helps me - hope it helps you.

http://jennifersdreams.com/inspirations/footprints.html

[kerlynn]

Gypsy,
I have felt like that many times and when I do I always think of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and how he felt like GOd had deserted him. GOd is there.

Over the last few weeks as I've started recovery....again... I've started listening to sermon tapes on faith and reading everythig I could get my hands on. I can't tell you how much stronger my faith is now. "Faith comes by hearing the word of God". hang on and keep your Bible close. He will listen.
Kerlyn

[vinnietoo]

Lisa,

You are not alone in trying too hard. The hardest
part is learning that when I give up I win.....

Blessings,
Vinnie

[Ann]

Something else that came to my mind was from early in my recovery and I was reading the AA Bog Book (it's great for codependents too).

In the Chapter "We Agnostics" on page 53 there is a paragraph that reads "....either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't."

That made me think and decide that if I believed in God, which I do, then He is everything that I could hope for and that He is with me always, even when I don't see Him.

I used to have a friend that called me the "carpet tester". I used to pace back and forth so much when I was trying to figure things out that he would tease me and tell me I should have been a carpet tester.

All that pacing didn't speed anything up. It just gave me something to do while I was waiting. Walked in circles until I exhausted myself. Then when I gave up the answer would come.

I think I will always learn everything the hard way.

Hugs,
MG

[2bblessed]

Dear Lisa, You are not alone. My daughter went out last night and disappeared again. I drove her to a meeting and she took a back pack with her, so I suspected what she would do, but hoped against hope she really was going to the meeting and that she would come back home and work on recovery...Time is winding down for her and there is nothing I can do about it. This morning I feel very weak...the old roller coaster ride. To answer you about forgiving...I don't feel like forgiving. I feel like screaming, crying, leaping in the car, and shaking sense into her. The feeling isn't there, but this morning I prayed the words "I forgive her, and I trust you, God". It helps to remember that the girl I love is inside the addict. The one who does these things is"the dragon." I recently read some books on spiritual warfare and intercessory prayer. While we need to pray for our loved ones, we also need to pray against Satan and His demons. (To bind them, to loose our loved ones from their grip, to break strongholds of drugs, alcohol, depression, self-destruction, etc., by the authority God, by the power of the blood of Christ.) We are commanded to fight for our families in the spiritual realm. We are told to put on the full armor of God. Yet, after we put it on, we are told to stand. In Exodus, Moses was told: "stand and see the deliverance, you do not have to fight this battle." We confess our sins, we put on our armor, we trust God, and He does it! Like you, I asked: if I don't have faith, how do I get it? My sister, who has been used by God to miraculously heal others, said, "If you don't feel you have faith, act as if you did, and faith will come." (Isn't this like Peter, stepping out of the boat and beginning to sink, until Christ lifts him up?") A man who's child Christ healed, first said, "I believe, please help my unbelief!" Then I thought about the seed of faith that moves mountains, and realized that seeds do not stay small; they grow. When we accept Christ: He who began a good work in us (sowing of the seed) is faithful to complete it (progressive growth, being nourished by the Son, leading to abundant harvest) . God is the transformer of hearts through the power of the Holy Spirit. Even this work is His to do. We come to the end of ourselves, learning that we are powerless to accomplish anything on our own. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. Like the needle on a compass, I am learning to swing back to true north. (It has been encouraging to read autobiographies, especially "The Hiding Place," by Corrie Ten Boom, Prisoners of Love by Dana Curry (?sp), and Elizabeth Elliot's story about being a missionary in the Amazon.) Love,

[Gypsygirlmom]

You guys have really given me alot to think about. My sister is going out of town for training for where she works & asked if I wanted to come along. So, I am going to go. I don't think I have ever done anything like this.....its been forever. But I really need the time to calm the chaos in my mind & just focus on me for a day or two. Be still ...my mind.

WO - MG, "giving myself to God" I just grasped that....I have been giving everyone & everything else to God....give myself to God, step 2.........aha......then I can stop racing around??

Anns, I love that poem! I had totally forgotten about it. But wow does it apply to how I feel! I did read the BB and I know that I had thought about that, I do not believe he is nothing. Therefore, he must be everything. It is so hard to see. You all talk of "giving up" ~ but just how do I do that? What do I DO to do that? Does that make any sense? I decided to have a talk with God last night. Not just praying, but a talk. I was actually surprised at how easy it was. I think I was keeping him like on a pedastal, and not actually relating to him...from the heart. I actually felt better talking to him, like I was talking to him. Does that make any sense?

Chris, I am so sorry you are going thru this with your daughter. I know how you feel about screaming, crying, wanting to beat some sense into them. If only it would work. It is so hard to forgive when we are in the middle of it all. I once told my husband that I did not have the right to judge him, as I am not perfect & would not want to be judged. I will leave the judging up to God, that's his job. I will pray that your daughter finds her way soon. And remember that her HP is watching over her. I know I have Faith, I just sometimes doubt myself. It seems to me that Faith is something that "just is" can't touch it, see it, & sometimes can't feel it, but it is there.

Well I am disappointed that I will be with no puter til Fri. but I am really thinking that this will be a good break for me. Plus I will have time alone, and get to spend some quality time with my sister.

Hugs,