feeling down and alone

[childofGod]

Hi everybody,
I hope everyone here is doing good. Being Sober is a rough Journey but one worth taking. Let me start by saying I do know that I am not truly alone, God is always with me. Sometimes I just feel lonely for human understanding . I am so down I don't know what to do. I love my husband so much and I don't believe in divorce (except under etreme circumstances) but we can't agree on anything from the smallest things to the most important. We also have a 6yr old son. I don't want him to grow up with parents that can't be in the same room with out bickering. My husband was supposed to have quit drinking but he has drank twice that I know of since then. He lies about lots of stuff then when gets caught in his lie turns the situation around to something that I did wrong from years ago instead of dealing with the situation. He refuses to read his bible or even let me read it to him(he isn't the best reader) but then try's to explain to our son what the bible says(in correct information) and when I try and tell our son the truth he starts yelling that he is right. Normally I just give in and let him think he's right but I refuse to let our son believe anything but the truth about the lords word. He loves to point out what I am doing wrong in our relationship but when I ask to talk about it so we can try and work it out he doesn't want to hear it. I do love him very much I want things to work out so badly. I am just at my wits end, I have been very tempted to have a drink but have been fighting the temptation so far. Everyday life is just so stresfull with him. I can barely recognize the man I once fell in love with. He has changed so much from when we first got together. I know people will disagree I just want us to be able to be civil in our disaggrements. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.Any advice?

Love Dee

[best]

Rather then trying to correct him on what the bible says, be grateful that he is sharing what little he knows and doing his job as God tells us we should...
Men be the leader of the household. (Spiritual leader)

You are at a stronger and deeper point of understanding of knowledge on the bible then he is... allow him the room to grow and catch up. Correcting him all the time will just have him shut down and tune out.
The only point I would make is a reminder to pray a prayer for guidance from the Holy Spirit before any bible study is started. If not a reminder, maybe asking if you can join in the prayer before they start. After the prayer, allow him the room to grow. You could find that he may seek answers over time, from you.

[sayaprayer]

sorry to hear you r goin through the mill. The best thing i would say is do your very best to watch how you react, cos us addicts love drama, creatin it and swimmin in it, I have the same problem myself with my husband, he is such a muppet at the moment, but thats for him to sort out, I knoew i like you have our own recovery at the moment, you may of stopped drinkin hopin he will follow suit, or if you did do it for yourself you will reframe from pickin up that first drink how ever much he is buggin you, my one is doin the whole thing in front of me , injectin heroin, crack, drinkin. now i did follow that route a few weeks ago, But when i done it i was givin the devil the victory, and i am a child of God, and Jesus got crucified for our sins, you are in more of a position to make peace within your household than the devil will have you known, PLAY SOME GOSPEL, Pray give thanks for even the roughest of stuff, cos after all God wil never leave us nor forsake us, KEEEP belivin, it will get better, James 1:2-7. get your bible out sis, and be truly blessed, because we all are, even our husbands, we just need to hand every thing over to God and he will do the rest. love angelax

[Free to love]

Hang in there & pray, for him & yourself. At least God is in there somewhere. God will work on him. Been there, love. God was faithful in the long run !
prayers !

[childofGod]

Originally Posted by sayaprayer

sorry to hear you r goin through the mill. The best thing i would say is do your very best to watch how you react, cos us addicts love drama, creatin it and swimmin in it, I have the same problem myself with my husband, he is such a muppet at the moment, but thats for him to sort out, I knoew i like you have our own recovery at the moment, you may of stopped drinkin hopin he will follow suit, or if you did do it for yourself you will reframe from pickin up that first drink how ever much he is buggin you, my one is doin the whole thing in front of me , injectin heroin, crack, drinkin. now i did follow that route a few weeks ago, But when i done it i was givin the devil the victory, and i am a child of God, and Jesus got crucified for our sins, you are in more of a position to make peace within your household than the devil will have you known, PLAY SOME GOSPEL, Pray give thanks for even the roughest of stuff, cos after all God wil never leave us nor forsake us, KEEEP belivin, it will get better, James 1:2-7. get your bible out sis, and be truly blessed, because we all are, even our husbands, we just need to hand every thing over to God and he will do the rest. love angelax

Thanks , things are getting better slowly but surely. I have faith God will get us through this

[childofGod]

Originally Posted by best

Rather then trying to correct him on what the bible says, be grateful that he is sharing what little he knows and doing his job as God tells us we should...
Men be the leader of the household. (Spiritual leader)

You are at a stronger and deeper point of understanding of knowledge on the bible then he is... allow him the room to grow and catch up. Correcting him all the time will just have him shut down and tune out.
The only point I would make is a reminder to pray a prayer for guidance from the Holy Spirit before any bible study is started. If not a reminder, maybe asking if you can join in the prayer before they start. After the prayer, allow him the room to grow. You could find that he may seek answers over time, from you.

Thanks for the advice, I do sometimes have a problem with giving up control . I just keep praying God will help me with that. As for being grateful about him sharing, in most circumstances I would have been overjoyed that he was trying to teach our son something but I refuse to let him confuse our 6 yr old about the bible. He was trying to tell our son that God will turn his back on you. I don't want my son who is very interested in learning about our Lord get discouraged by an opinion his father picked up from one of his friends at work. I do agree with you that I should not correct him but wait for him to ask my help if he needs it. Thanks again you gave me a lot to think about.

[childofGod]

Originally Posted by Free to love

Hang in there & pray, for him & yourself. At least God is in there somewhere. God will work on him. Been there, love. God was faithful in the long run !
prayers !

Thanks, it's good to hear someone has gone through this too. I know God will get us through this.

[best]

Originally Posted by childofGod

He was trying to tell our son that God will turn his back on you.

In a sense God does. As God can not look upon sin, He will turn from it. If we are in sin, God will turn His face away from us. A very strong lesson for a 6 year old to grasp. With children a simple answer does them better most times. rather then God will turn away from us... God doesn't like it when we sin.

I don't want my son who is very interested in learning about our Lord get discouraged by an opinion his father picked up from one of his friends at work. I do agree with you that I should not correct him but wait for him to ask my help if he needs it. Thanks again you gave me a lot to think about.

I wouldn't say not to correct him but would rather say... find a gentle way to let a simple answer come to light.
A sharing of life's examples when things are said will shift the focus and give deeper understanding.... When he would say something like that, a fill in of... Yes like the time you did this or that and mommy became upset. Just as we don't like it if you do something wrong, God doesn't like it when we sin either. We still love you, we may just be upset at what happened and God still loves us even if we do things that may upset Him.

The focus... the action is wrong but the child is loved. Same way with our relationship with God.

[graceseeker]

Dear Childof God,

Wow- your situation is complex... If you find it impossible to stay a Christian- or sober around him, the "Pauline privilige" may be needed (I'm Not saying that is the answer- just that there is such a thing. It is a part of Church "history" but it's from the Bible. Basically where Paul says that we are not bound to stay with a spouse that will not allow us to practice our faith in peace.. but it is too complicated for anyone but you and the Lord to see straight, but I pray it works out you can stay together in peace!! -G>S>

[best]

Originally Posted by graceseeker

Basically where Paul says that we are not bound to stay with a spouse that will not allow us to practice our faith in peace..

The truth be told... Paul writes that we should stick it out so that by our example, the other may find the truth and become saved.

What Paul says... if an unbeliever _leaves_ the home and marriage, the believer is free to remarry (not bound).

[graceseeker]

I see,

You Quote a particular translation of 1st Cor. 7:10- 16, and it does speak of "if the husband is willing to live with her"- and later it says that "if he leaves" she is not bound... However, translations have also mentioned the words, "for God has called us to live in peace- which seems to be the spirit, if not the letter of that scripture. All of this is something that our friend would need to go over in prayer herself... But even Jesus said that a spouse is bound "except in cases of marital infidelity." Here, divorce is at least the topic, if not remarriage. Yet there are those Chrisitans who would insist that a woman put up with porn, infidelity, corruption to the child and wife-beating by the mere letter of that law- insisting that the woman, by being a martyr, can change that man. Some women fear that the man may change them. Throughout history, the "Pauline privilege" has been granted by the Church universally for centuries in cases where the husband or wife may not physically leave the home, but still does all they can to abuse and mentally leave the marriage and the wife, if not only physically.

But, please do not misunderstand me. I believe that "God hates divorce," and that we all must bear with increadibly hard circumstances now-a days if any of us is to keep a marriage. I think I meant to say that only our friend here knows all the details...Divorce is always a tradgedy, but even that is different than re-marriage. It is sometimes needed to protect a spouse, unfortunately. I certainly pray God grant strength and victory in this situation!

Meaning no argument,
Warmly,
G.S.

[Cap3]

Hi ChildofGod,there was a time when hub would disagree with me,for the sake of disagreeing,if you know what i mean...smile..If i said that today was Monday,he would say its more Tuesday,than Monday,,lol.Oh yea!!!The folks that have that "need" to be,right!!!.i let it all go and handed those situations to God.Let go and let God.No longer feeding the fires.Takes 2 to tango,sort of thingy.Not that i didn't let it rip sometimes,im human..But mostly let it all go.Wasn't getting me anywheres anyways.
Your child is 6 years,you say.There are some really great childrens bible books.Ive heard it all as a child about God and the Holy Bible...smile.When folks argue about what the Holy Bible is saying.All i can see,is the agruement,not the different points that the folks are making,when i was young.The "Spirit" of it all is gone,completely.And get caught up on who"s perception is right/wrong.Doesn't help anyone.And may even have the result that a child doesnt want to hear anything about the Holy Bible,since , he feels,it, causes friction,between the 2 of you.Not able to see that it has nothing to do with the Holy Bible,the Word of God,but,it has to do with you and him.,only.Be very careful.Being right,may have a huge price attached to it.If one person feels that honoring a day not necessarily Sunday as the day to worship God,are they wrong?No,because its not about the day,its about worshiping God.Thats the focus.Worshiping God.My belief,and you may feel differently,and thats ok.Let go,let God,work in each person as He Will.Pray,and ask for guidence.Correcting adults is ego.And may cause harm to others as well as myself.
Thanks for letting me share,
my experiences mixed in with my opinions...
Do what God guides you to do,in prayer/meditaion.And "your" answers,will come.No one knows how God will work in your life.Seek,search and you will know.
All the best and my prayers for you and your family.
God bless,and take care!!!!!!!!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Dee,

sending you our prayers.

Chris

[graceseeker]

Dear God, please make any posting I may do helpful- and never hurtful!


Greetings,

From what I was reading of Dee's post, I thought she was having to deal with some really unusually bad stuff- but if it's mainly the kind of thing you just mentioned, I' be agreeing with you all the way- for what that's worth...

I feel like you captured the "spirit" of the Scriptures on marriage really well...and on arguing about rules (esp.).. even the Bible says, "let nobody judge you on any new moon celebration, religious festival- or even the Sabbath day"- St. Paul. Kind of sounds like he's saying just what you were... like one person might want to worship on Sat. instead of Sunday, etc.

Anyway, I don't normally do the arguing thing. I just use the Bible as a guide for me and sharing what I've seen that might not be commonly talked about. I know I could certainly be wrong, and that my personal opinion is not really needed- but being married and having a child + growing up in a home where my folks hated Christianity and fought constantly (they exposed me to drugs and alcohol very young to my detriment)- well I just thought I would add my 2 cents to everyone elses- cause I know marriage stuff can be hard enough without adding heroine, booze, etc...and maybe worse

Well, God bless ! Got a Doctor's appt this morning and the waiting room is a good place to pray for forum stuff and read.

I'd sure like to pray for God's blessing on this marriage. It broke my heart when my sister-in-law's marriage broke up (seemed impossible) and ever since then I've cared a lot more... not only about my own marriage- but every real marriage.

To me, a marriage is like a person- I mean, when their marriage went (my sister-in-law's), it was like a person died- and a person we all loved. I guess it's hard to explain...

God Bless you (((Dee and Family!)))

In Christ, GS