Here Goes...

[Suffocating]

I don't need to get into the war stories. You've heard em all. I googled and found you guys. I read Fluffy's post and felt a sense of calm that I am not alone. I am a Christian and so is my hubby. Well, he says he is and has changed from when I first met him, tremendously.

He quit taking Xanax 7 months ago thanks to the LORD. That was AWFUL! TRULY Awful!

He has an addiction to prescription pain medications. He has an autoimmune disease Grave's disease, no thyroid, sciatica pain, narrowing of the joints in the knees from osteoarthritis from Graves and right now, he is battling a bad case of the shingles from stress. I used to think he wasn't addicted to pain meds because I've watched him eat ibuprofen like skittles when he did as I requested and stopped the narcotics. He messed up his stomach and had to start taking Nexium for it. So I figured an addict wouldn't take Ibuprofen like that so I allowed the pain meds again. Big mistake.

My husband is never mean to me. It's just the lies, irresponsibleness, the money spent on them, all that other stuff. I have asked him to get help before. Nothing changes. He tells me he will take them the way they are prescribed and a day later, the whole bottle is gone.

I will never divorce my husband. Anytime I have those thoughts, I know it comes from the father of lies. My husband is a good man. He got addicted after having his thyroid removed. They had him on so much medication. I really do believe my husband does have chronic pain but I don't want him to see him throw his life away anymore than he already has. What do I do?

I know I need some co dependency counseling. Where do I find that for free?

Thanks for listening. I know God will fix this. I will wait for Him anytime. I just need some support other than my own head so I don't have to keep feeling like I have to spend my life trying to create new ways to get him to stop.

[rayofsunshine]

Hi Suffocating. Welcome to SR!

For co-dependency counseling... there are free alanon or naranon meetings
that are really good help for family members who have an addicted loved one.
There's also a good book called "Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beatty.

A good Christian book to read is "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie O'matian.
Both these books were helpful to me. Keep reading and posting. SR has many wonderful forums to read and learn. It helped save my sanity!

[cmc]

Welcome to SR.


I'm glad you decided to start a thread here and hope you will continue to be a part of Christians In Recovery. I also hope you will try some meetings, I found Al-Anon to be a life saver.

As the mom of an adult child who got lost in his own addiction...I learned that the only person responsible for his recovery was him.

We have a saying in Al-Anon to describe the disease of alcoholism. (it 'works' for addictions too)
The 3 C's
I didn't Cause it
I can't Cure it
I can't Control it

My being involved in recovery is about _me_ and how I learn to act and react in ways that not only guard my own well being, but actually help me let go of what is out of my control, place it into God's hands and then.....let it go in faith.

In my case letting go meant stopping some of my behavior and learning change & to let the other person face the consequences in the natural order that God set up. My managing and most of my 'helping' actually prevented my son from finding his own way out that lifestyle. It also had me headed towards increasingly worse financial, mental, emotional, familial and even physical problems.

I learned to step away in ways that worked for me and the rest of my family. Fortunately for us, our son 'hit his bottom' and finally had enough of living the way he was. It took a long time for us to get to that place.

Please drop by the Friends & Family of Alcoholics and also the Friends & Family of Substance Abusers forums here. You will find plenty of resources there (like the book ray mentioned) and educational threads up at the top of each of those forums.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

A huge part of dealing with this disease is learning about it...along with learning better ways for friends & family members to cope and live better lives for themselves.

God bless you.

[Suffocating]

Thank you CMC. I have already been browsing in that section and it has been very helpful. Today, I have arranged with my family to stay with my dad and step mom until my hubby gets help and stays sober for awhile. It's a separation which I know is biblical. After browsing the other sections, I've come to believe that I am a co-dependent. I match symptoms from each category, not all but some. So, it seems we both have something to work on. I'm trying to make this as easy as possible. Not that I'm enabling him but because I know addicts already feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world and don't like themselves. I don't need to make him feel worse by my words or actions leading up to my leaving. So, I am showing him all the love that I can beforehand. I told him to run down that football field and don't stop until he gets that touch down. I will be on the sidelines cheering him on but I will not come home until he is well.

I know he loves me but he is not loving me and is not capable because he is sick. He admits he is sick too. I really hope he decides to get the help he needs. I am going to leave him with God. I can not fix him and I've accepted that. I need to fix myself with God.

I will be around here a lot, hopefully from now on. I really need support. So far, God is doing a good job at insulating my heart from the emotions that I could be experiencing. I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach though so I know it's only a matter of time until I break down in tears. Hopefully I can hold off until I get to my dads. My hubby is having enough time dealing with his own messed up emotions. He doesn't need more nor can he deal with mine. And it wont be fair to me when he can't support me emotionally while I'm crying.

Anyways, I'm rambling. God bless you too!