Is separation allowable?

[fluffypiranha]

I am in counseling for co-dependency. My husband is an alcoholic and a pill abuser.
My husband is addicted to anti-anxiety pills. His doctor knows his history and prescribed him hydroxyzine pamoate, because it is less addicting.
The first prescription was gone 10 days early. When he had his doctor's appointment he told the doctor that it wasn't working so the doctor doubled his prescription. This was 4 days ago. There are 57 pills (I kid you not) missing. He is to take 4 a day as needed.
I had told him when I noticed he finished his first bottle early that I was not putting up with it (I had to call the ambulance for him in the past for a different anti-anxiety medication). He told me that he wasn't going to ask for any more pills. When he got the new refill I was angry and told him. He, of course, said everything that I wanted to hear. "I'll take them as prescribed." etc.
There has been no slurring or any noticeable side effects (as with the Xanax and other meds). Should I even say anything?
I really want a divorce. I had told my counselor that I was going to make him leave if he went on the pills again. I have been dealing with his addictions for 15 years. But everything in the Bible is against divorce. Is a separation ok? If I tell him I want a separation until he gets some help? I also have an 8 year old. How do I explain this to him?
(Sorry this was so long)

[rayofsunshine]

Hi Fluffy. Welcome to SR! Sorry to hear about your husband.

Being a Christian and knowing what the Bible teaches about divorce kept me stuck for so long. (My husband was addicted to meth.) Our God is a loving God, and being married to someone in the throws of active addiction, making them unavailable as a husband, is not how God intended marriage to be. God instructs the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Your husband has essentially "left you" for the pills and alchohol.

Even though I knew this, I still carried alot of pain from our impending divorce. I felt like God would never forgive ME for the divorce. On a recent mission trip, the preacher preached on salvation and he also mentioned forgiveness. One of the examples was a woman who was divorced. That she asked the Lord to forgive her and he did. He will forgive all our sins if we come to him with a sincere heart and ask. I prayed about that in our prayer circle that night. The heavy burden I carried in my heart for the past 6 months or so was lifted right then and there. And it hasn't returned, so I know its for real.

Keep reading and posting! It will help you so much to gain more knowledge.
The more you know about what you're dealing with, you gain strength to make hard decisions.

[thirtybubba]

Hi Fluffy, welcome to SR.

I agree, your husband is not doing his duties, if his first love is the pills. It's cheating...

I've never been in your situation, but .

-TB

[fluffypiranha]

Thank you both for your responses. I am afraid that God will never forgive me. Especially since I don't always follow Him.
Sometimes it's just easier to stay. He has a good job and may get a transfer and promotion. Part of me thinks that things will get better if we move, the other part disagrees. I'm worried that I'd be a fool to leave. It'd be so nice if God would leave a note full of instructions on my pillow one morning. xD
The worst part in all this is that our 10th anniversary is coming up. I'm not sure there is anything to celebrate. He has been on one drug or the other for all of it.

[cmc]

so nice if God would leave a note full of instructions on my pillow one morning

Since you mentioned it....I'll add that He has already done just that; we have His word and all the instructions necessary for life and salvation in the bible.

You also mentioned that you think God won't forgive you. Here's a link about the forgiveness of God.
BGEA: Spiritual Help: Steps to Peace with God

[rayofsunshine]

I'll 2nd going to Billy Grahams website.

While there, after reading about forgiveness, click on the SPIRITUAL HELP link on the top right of homepage. There are topics in the help section.. click on addictions. There's alot of Q & A's there, and there are some about how to pray for your husband and his addictions. Those were really helpful to me.

[fluffypiranha]

I know I can pray for him and I have in the past. There's just not a lot left of me. We've been arguing all day.
We have a friend who has no where to stay so we invited her to stay for 2 weeks (it's the longest our landlord will allow) but I asked my husband to let her know that we couldn't take her dog. Visitors are not allowed to bring pets or we could get evicted. He said that he would let her know. He lied. She showed up last night with the dog. I didn't say anything because I didn't get home from work until late. I confronted him this morning. His excuse was "I didn't mean to lie." I was angry because he constantly lies. He lied to me about the pills. In 7 days he has eaten 120 pills. I wish I was joking.
As for the Bible. I know it is God's instructions for us. But sometimes I wish it'd be more like "Hang on, he'll quit in 2 years." or "Go ahead and leave him, he's not going to change."
We argued before he left for work too. He left in silence. He asked if I was still mad at him. I told him that I was hurt. I'm just realizing that for 10 years the drugs have always come first and that will never change. I just want to curl up and sleep the rest of my life away. I"m trying not to cry because my 8 year is just a few feet away from me and I have to go to work soon.

[rayofsunshine]

Sending (((HUGS))) Fluffy. I know its hard to pray for them when your living in the chaos, arguing, etc. Maybe just pray for God to give you answers on what your next steps should be.

Addicts will lie and tell you what you want to hear, to not cause a confrontation. Addicts will lie to cover up their problem and try to convince you everythings fine.
Addicts will lie about most anything to keep feeding there addiction.
It's frustrating, but try not to take it personally, its just what they do as long as they are actively using. Its part of their sickness.

Praying for strength for you and your 8 year old.

Keep posting... its helps so much!

[fluffypiranha]

I began rereading Praying For Your Husband by Stormie O'Martian. I prayed for God to change my heart (I'm such a co-dependant). I also prayed for my husband. Usually my prays are about one line long. "Please let him come home sober." "Smite him." is most of them. I think I'd forgotten that he is also a child of God. It's so easy to forget when he hurts me. I feel a lot better today. I know not everything is perfect. But I can get through another day. I don't feel like sleeping the rest of my life away.
I also called his doctor yesterday to let her know that he was abusing the medication. She was really surprised because the medication is nonaddictive. It's like benadryl. The only thing it'll will really do is make him drowsy and dehydrated. He doesn't drive and he drinks lots of water so I'm not worried too much. He's already out of the medication. And she will not allow early refills.

[rayofsunshine]

That's a good book. I prayed the prayers in there as I read it. Prayer is truly an
awesome thing, and while I read the book and prayed the prayers, I think it brought
me a lot closer to GOD. Sadly, it didn't change my H because he was still lost in his
addiction and not ready for change. But God is forever faithful and is there, waiting
and ready to guide and love them when they are ready to turn their lives over to him.

[lifeafter]

Hi fluffy, I am sorry that you are in a very difficult situation, active addiction is horrible in any situation. My heart goes out to you.

I am kind of confused about somethings that are implied in this thread. What I am perceiving is it's ok to knowingly go against God's word, because you can always ask for forgiveness later.

From my understanding what the bible says about divorce is that there is two conditions for a biblical divorce: 1) sexual unfaithfulness 2) abandonment from a non believer.

Never-the-less it's a tough situation to be in.

God Bless

[Hurricane]

God not only gave us the bible, he sent us the holy spirit.

[lifeafter]

Yes He did send us the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit will never contradict God's word.

God Bless

[SoberByGrace]

I put my wife through hell for years and years, and the only thing that snapped me out of it was the reality that I was facing divorce. Then, and now, we got a lot of good from Celebrate Recovery. Not sure if there is a meeting near you, but that isn't the point...miracles DO happen. She prayed for me to either get the strength to get better, or for her to get the strength to leave. I won, I guess....lol. Really wish you the best of luck. It's a tough deal, what we addicts put our spouses through.