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[Wantingit]

Hey all,

Well I keep proving that relying on my strength to stay clean just doesn't work. I had been doing well for a while moving ahead with life busy working out, busy at work but still not dealing with my feelings and certian finacial situations. Finally I felt overwhelmed last week called my dr. and got a script burned through it in 7 days and now today sitting here feeling depressed not really any withdrawl just upset mostly because after 8 years of this I still just haven't totally surrendered. I believe now I am the kind of person who needs an agressive sponsor and to treat meetings like I treat getting up to work everyday.

I don't know just feeling down, I'm going to a celebrate recovery meeting tonight, I'm a Christian and hopefully I can meet some guys there I can connect with. I'm really tired of this merry go round I've been on, I am no where near as bad as I was a few years ago but it's only a matter of time before I'm back to stealing drugs at work again, then my life would truely be screwed. Any advice E/S/H would be great

Thanks

[rayofsunshine]

:praying

Hi Wantingit... glad your here sharing. Others will be along shortly with more ESH, but
I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you. Hope your meeting goes well tonight.



I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13

[cmc]

Hi wantingit....
I guess your choice of screennames says alot about you- that you really do want change. Whatever it takes for you is what I'm praying for.

Before you go predicting about your future using...how and when you will fall again etc, etc....how about looking at this recent slip as a fire alarm that has gone off loud and clear.

A fire alarm alerts me to get out of a situation that can kill or maim me. It does me no good to hear the alarm- if I'm not prepared to 'use it' to get to a safe place.

I will say that it's kind of hard to do alot of meetings with just using CR. The thing I like about the other 12 step groups is that no matter where or when I need help-- it's always there.

Most people that I know of in your situation have used AA or NA after trying out many other routes. My two closest family members chose to do 90 in 90 or even more, got sponsors and did the steps.

The main thing is _you_ and finding something that works for you.
:praying

[Wantingit]

Cmc,

Agreed. It would be very hard to work a program just using CR, there is something here where I live calle the most excellent way whch is a Christ centered program as well. I have plenty of chances to do at least 2 CR meetings a week (mon&Fri) most excellent way has meeting nightly indiffrent locations near where I live and the of course NA/AA meetings everywhere all the time.

I would like to keep it mostly Christ centered but 4hrs at CR is alot of time to give up on a Mon & Fri night consistantly , I don't know I guess I'm making excusses I need to look at my life anf fit my life into my recovery program.

Thanks

[DaveBB164]

Originally Posted by Wantingit

Hey all,

Well I keep proving that relying on my strength to stay clean just doesn't work. I had been doing well for a while moving ahead with life busy working out, busy at work but still not dealing with my feelings and certian finacial situations. Finally I felt overwhelmed last week called my dr. and got a script burned through it in 7 days and now today sitting here feeling depressed not really any withdrawl just upset mostly because after 8 years of this I still just haven't totally surrendered. I believe now I am the kind of person who needs an agressive sponsor and to treat meetings like I treat getting up to work everyday.

I don't know just feeling down, I'm going to a celebrate recovery meeting tonight, I'm a Christian and hopefully I can meet some guys there I can connect with. I'm really tired of this merry go round I've been on, I am no where near as bad as I was a few years ago but it's only a matter of time before I'm back to stealing drugs at work again, then my life would truely be screwed. Any advice E/S/H would be great

Thanks

Hi

I am a Christian too but when I recovered from alcoholism I was taken through the steps by a non Christian Big Book sponsor, you don't need someone aggressive you need someone who understands your disease and has had a spiritual awakening as a result of the directions in the Big Book, so you can see the truth about your condition and take some action on it,

when you recover you can pursue your Christian faith and go to CR meetings.

pm me if I can help in any way.

Dave

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Curious, you called a Dr. do you have a sponsor?

Is your Dr. a pill pusher? We've a few of them in our town like that. The only thing I'll take on a rare occasion is an aspirin or, on an occasion something from our herbal store in town.

I might add, when I get to having idle time on my hands, I'm not working any program. I stay busy with people in the program and going to meetings.

[Wantingit]

Captin,

No my dr. is not a pill pusher I just was weak and called him for a script. I do have back issues or had back issues that I have been able use as justification with him. He thinks he's helping someone in pain when actually I'm just wanting an escape.

I am going to CR tonight and friday with a most excellant way meeting on thursday also, I need to find a sponsor.

As a great Christian friend of mine who got clean years ago told me. "nothing changes if nothing changes" I believe that is the truth. I can believe in Jesus all day long but if I don't use the tools he puts in front of me and make the changes I will eventually be put into circumstances that will make me have to change. I will choose to do it now!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

free will is a dangerous thing if, not used correctly !

Praying it goes well for you

[anubus]

Just wanted to say that I am :praying for you. Please dont give up....with God ALL things are possible. Just hang in there & continue to pray persistantly! You will get through this.

[Wantingit]

Thanks for you responses guys it helps. I went to a meeting last night and it was great. So nice to share and hear stories of others suffering like me and how they overcome the urges and where they draw their strength from. Although I am in a mild withdrawl today(mostly tired, and nasty medicine taste in my mouth, yuck) I feel rejuvinated in my spirit. I have come to the conclusion that I have to talk with my dr. face to face again and tell him I am an addict I cannot have you prescibe me any more meds, period. In the past I have left messages with his nurse saying I no longer want refills etc. and even told him in a nice way please stop I no longer need the meds. I know now I have to drop the addicted word on him. I thought he would get the hint but apparently I need to get in his face and say I'm addicted to these pills I need you to stop giving them to me. I'm making a appointment for next week, wish me luck that I follow through.

My plan is meetings everyday and to confide in a good christian friend of mine to hold me accountable to following through. I can do it and with this out of the way and off the table it will be easier for me to focus on recovery without the ease of picking up the phone to get more.