Just an update: - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Yesterdaysnumb · 05-05-2009, 07:32 AM

Everything is going extremely well. He's still sober. 3 days till his 30 day mark! Yay! He's still going to meetings. He's talked to his sponsor each day. He's got two homegroups that he likes and he's a lot more considerate than he used to be. So that's a really good thing.

Yesterday we had our first REAL disagreement since he's been back. He had a meeting at 8:00 last night. So we cooked, cleaned and he did some yard work etc. Anyway, after that he said that he was walking to the meeting. I immediately was triggered. I knew that one of his drug buddies lived a few streets over from us and everytime that he walked anywhere (in the past) he always disappeared for hours and came back with bogus stories like "Uh, I saw ___ and he just so happened to pick me up and we just to happened to go here and there". So I asked him why can't he just drive there and back since it's right down the street. He said, no that would be a waste of gas. I then made a big deal about how I can't understand why he can't just drive yadda yadda ya. And he talked about how I have to give him opportunities to trust him... Well we went back and forth about this for about 30 min. And I just ended it by saying "You know what? You do what you want to do..." He took the keys and left... and he drove.

After the meeting he called me and said "We need to talk. I'll be there in a few min".

When he got home we talked and really communicated about how each other felt about that. I told him that everyone has different triggers and that was one of mine. He talked about how he understood what I was saying... etc.

Anyway, we came to a consesus. He is going to work on understanding that trust doesn't come overnight. And he's going to work harder at building that trust. I am going to work harder and letting him be him. If he makes mistakes or if he doesn't, it would be his and not my fault.

I'm really happy about where we are right now in our relationship.

CAPTAINZING2000 · 05-05-2009, 09:16 AM

If everyone was a mindreader, we wouldn't have to talk.
Since we cant, we have to share our feelings.

Communication is so vital to keeping a good marriage

recoveringnky · 05-06-2009, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

...

Communication is so vital to keeping a good marriage

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN to that!!

05-05-2009, 07:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
Yesterdaysnumb Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 321	Just an update: Everything is going extremely well. He's still sober. 3 days till his 30 day mark! Yay! He's still going to meetings. He's talked to his sponsor each day. He's got two homegroups that he likes and he's a lot more considerate than he used to be. So that's a really good thing. Yesterday we had our first REAL disagreement since he's been back. He had a meeting at 8:00 last night. So we cooked, cleaned and he did some yard work etc. Anyway, after that he said that he was walking to the meeting. I immediately was triggered. I knew that one of his drug buddies lived a few streets over from us and everytime that he walked anywhere (in the past) he always disappeared for hours and came back with bogus stories like "Uh, I saw ___ and he just so happened to pick me up and we just to happened to go here and there". So I asked him why can't he just drive there and back since it's right down the street. He said, no that would be a waste of gas. I then made a big deal about how I can't understand why he can't just drive yadda yadda ya. And he talked about how I have to give him opportunities to trust him... Well we went back and forth about this for about 30 min. And I just ended it by saying "You know what? You do what you want to do..." He took the keys and left... and he drove. After the meeting he called me and said "We need to talk. I'll be there in a few min". When he got home we talked and really communicated about how each other felt about that. I told him that everyone has different triggers and that was one of mine. He talked about how he understood what I was saying... etc. Anyway, we came to a consesus. He is going to work on understanding that trust doesn't come overnight. And he's going to work harder at building that trust. I am going to work harder and letting him be him. If he makes mistakes or if he doesn't, it would be his and not my fault. I'm really happy about where we are right now in our relationship. __________________ "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places..." Ephesians 6:12

05-05-2009, 09:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,452 Blog Entries: 1	If everyone was a mindreader, we wouldn't have to talk. Since we cant, we have to share our feelings. Communication is so vital to keeping a good marriage __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

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