I've lost all hope for recovery... it'll never get better

[Yesterdaysnumb]

What do you do when your faith is gone? My faith in my husband is gone. He'll never change. He'll never get better. And God keeps saving him from dying... it's not fair! He should OD. He should. I know it's not right for me to say this but so many other people OD their first time. Young people. And here he is ruining people's lives and he keeps to keep going. It's like his chance for hitting rock bottom never comes. He doesn't have a reason to change. This idiot even snorted cocaine in the church bathroom. He goes to church each Sunday mocking God. He says he's a Christian, he says he's better. But then it's just another let-down. He's a fake, a phony! And my faith in him is gone. Does that mean my faith in God is gone too?

[suki44883]

That's sad, yesterday. How long are you going to stay with him?

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Why do you stay with him then?

I believe in self preservation. I choose to not being around people that use drugs. I especially will not allow them in my house or alcohol.

Is your husband using at home?

[masseyman]

My heart goes out to you Yesterday.

No matter who they are to us, people will always disappoint, or in your case even more than just mere disappointment. That you have lost your connection to your mate because of his choices doesn't mean you have to waiver in your faith toward Christ. He doesn't leave you, never forsakes you, and He loves your husband. It may sound cliche', but....leave him to God. God knows every piece of his heart. You can only control your relationship with God...your husband needs to come to that place for himself.
The best thing you can do is forever show him you are getting there.

Stay close to Christ, build your relationship with Him, strengthen your prayer life....God will take care of your husband, whatever he needs to go thru....you cannot change the volition of another.

For now make sure you are safe.

Love to you today my friend.

[mikefreak]

My heart goes out to you. If it is REALLY that bad, & he doesn't think/care he has a problem, & he is indeed "ruining people's lifes" (including you & your kids), WHAT do you think you sould do?

I think you know.......



Don't give up on the Lord, Hon. you need him NOW more than ever.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

drugs and alcohol

become our God. Everything else in life is second to them

[chris1959]

Does that mean my faith in God is gone too?

Another question I ask myself is, am I losing the trust that I have in God?
I have faith in God and I trust in Him alone. People have clay feet.

"How shallow my faith when the whole mess hits the fan"

I was your husband years ago, well not really, but you know what I mean.
It took what it took for me. The same is true for him. You have a choice today, he may not.

Paul used to kill Christians. I Never say never.

Your safety and your sanity are priority. Hubs has to deal with his own private hell.

Making changes to protect yourself is not always giving up on someone.

Is intervention a possibility?

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by chris1959

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Please do. You and your hubby will be in our prayers!

Hugs,
Kym

[jsml1234]

Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb

It's like his chance for hitting rock bottom never comes.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Perhaps leaving him will be his rock bottom.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

*

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you,' so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'" (emphasis mine)
(Many, if not most, of us have probably been in physical need at some time. All of us are in spiritual need, and will remain that way as long as we live in this body of flesh with its carnal nature, its lusts, phobias, hatreds, jealousies and myriad other sinful proclivities. But God does not abandon us. Never.
We can always trust in him to be there for us, no matter how hard and how far we fall. The word "never" in this passage is from "ou me", in Greek what is known as an emphatic negative . In other words, "never" means just that! Never!)

[Yesterdaysnumb]

I'm almost in tears you guys. I'm really surprised at your responses. I expected a bunch of people to come here and say "Well, what are you going to do about that?" or, "Well why are you with him?" It's so much harder to leave than people think. We've built a life together. And it's soooo very hard to walk away from that life. We recently got custody of my stepson because his mother was physically abusing him. If I leave my husband, CPS will take my stepson because he's no longer with a biological or legal gaurdian. I love my stepson and I don't want anyone to take him from me. And in my head I'm telling myself, "I'll endure whatever I need to endure to keep my family together!" But my heart is saying "I can't take this anymore! I'm losing my mind!" Everytime I leave him, something brings me back. For instance:

1. I left him and moved in with my parents for a month. He stopped using (for the time being) and I had to go back to my home to pack our belongings to move into a new place that I'd recently found. One thing led to another and my heart was back in his hands.

2. I kicked him out. My son got rushed to the hospital. He was living with a family friend. He had to move back home (temporarily) to take care of our other children while I stayed in the hospital with our son. One thing led to another and... (you know the rest)

3. A couple days after my son got out the hospital I moved his stuff back out and over to his friend's house. I went to drop our children off to him while I went to work and my brakes went out in the friend's driveway. I ended up having to stay at his friends house all day while I got a tow to a facility. And since I couldn't make it back to his friends house everyday because my car was being fixed. My husband had to "temporarily" move back in until the car was fixed.

4. I kicked him out again. We got a call from my stepson's aunt that my stepson was left on a porch abandoned by his mom. We both rode to get him. CPS would only let us have custody if we lived in the same home. He's been there ever since...

Is God playing with me or something. Everytime I leave this man, we end up having to come together somehow. As unreliable and un-dependable he is... he's the only one I can depend on. (other than God of course)

[Angelic17]

Yesterdaysnumb, I read your post and my heart goes out to you. Living with an addict is awful and causes alot of stress and anxiety. However, you cannot control another person. I tried it with my addict son. It didn't work. It's up to your husband to do the right thing. You are powerless, and there is nothing you can do to change him. You can only change the way you deal with the situation. You are angry at his addiction, so, it's the disease you hate. Not your husband, and certainly not GOD. GOD is the one who will bring you through all of this grief. Have you ever considered Naranon? Its a meeting that helps the families of addicts, and gives good advice. Cast your burdens on the Lord. Seek and you shall find. Knock and it will be opened to you. Ask GOD for what it is you want in all of this, and then sit back, take care of your children and yourself and wait. GOD will answer in his time, not yours. When you pray, ask for what you want, and say LORD please take this problem, I'm tired, and weary, and I need your help. You will be surprised at the power of the LORD. I sure hope things get better for you. I have been where you are, and it's very tough.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb

1. I left him and moved in with my parents for a month. He stopped using (for the time being) and I had to go back to my home to pack our belongings to move into a new place that I'd recently found. One thing led to another and my heart was back in his hands.



Is God playing with me or something. Everytime I leave this man, we end up having to come together somehow. As unreliable and un-dependable he is... he's the only one I can depend on. (other than God of course)

Hmm a developing pattern, you move out and he gets clean sort of to get you back. it's a cat and mouse game.

If, you want to enable him, tell him, you'll go to NA meetings with him.

Speaking as a former substance abuser, Unless he's willing to seek treatment for himself, not just for the sake of keeping in a marriage, he will continue to keep using.
What ever term you want to use to label this sickness, it's progressive. You're faced with watching him either get locked up, clean and sobered up, or covered up.

We want our drugs and our drinks, like a normal person wants a drink of water. Our primary purpose is to feed our addictions.

It's all up to him. I can't save another person, only God can do that. And sadly you cant save him from himself either. He has to want to change himself


We use people to get what we want from them!!! We're the masters at it. We can systematically go to a party size up a member of the opposite sex. We manipulate, we turn things around and place the blame on you instead of us.

Pray, he hits a bottom and hard. I had to go through what is termed as incomprehensible demoralization to hit my bottom, much the same as many an alcoholic and addict do. Some people go through this and lower their standards even lower

[Yesterdaysnumb]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

Speaking as a former substance abuser, Unless he's willing to seek treatment for himself, not just for the sake of keeping in a marriage, he will continue to keep using.
What ever term you want to use to label this sickness, it's progressive. You're faced with watching him either get locked up, clean and sobered up, or covered up.

Exactly! He's not going to change. I've given up hope for him. I'll just increase our life insurance policies in the meantime to prepare for his inevitable end. I can't dwell on hope any longer. I give him to God....

But I'll also take your advice and pray that he hits rock bottom.

[Angelic17]

Hold on Yesterday, Help is coming soon. Hang in there, better days are coming.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

What ever the outcome of this. Just keep your faith up.
Free will is a powerful choice to have.

I don't think, this is God's will

[Hurricane]

I don't know how many times I went to church with a hang over. I was not a hypocrite, just an alcoholic who loved the lord and wanted to keep both masters. Praying for you both.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

amen to that

We couldn't do it

[masseyman]

Advice is so easy to give when your not in the mess.

When I was boozing so heavily I knew what was the right thing to do but doing it was the hard part. Humbling myself to the truth of God was the point I had to come to, and when that happened, God showed me once again His truth is complete and the only answer in a tangible way.

Hearing what we think you should do can be difficult when you are seeing it from the trenches, but alas...it doesn't change God's truth. Leaving someone to their transgression who is engrossed in destructive behavior and will not relent from it has biblical foundation. It sounds like you are trying to do what's right in God's eyes by letting Him take control.

Don't give up, continue to give your pain to the Lord. The painful things of this life are part of the trials God promises we will go THRU....that means we come out on the other side for His glory.

He knows you both to the depth of your being, He made you both, He is in control, embrace His love and He will use your trials for good. It's His promise.

Your personal relationship to Christ is the most important, even if not the most tangible, thing you must nurture.

Love to ya.

[NeedingHelp7]

But my heart is saying "I can't take this anymore! I'm losing my mind!"

Yesterdaysnumb, I remember vividly thinking all the same things you are. What is my AH's bottom going to be...death??? And that scared me. He's seen everything else jails, institutions, whats left? While waiting for him to hit bottom, I did. I almost lost my mind thinking I could help him. The day came when I said "no more." Now his addiction was clearly emotionally, mentally, and spiritually hurting me, and I couldn't take it any more. And I had to protect the children from him. He is slave to that drug, and until HE WANTS out of the bondage, cries out to God himself, gets the help he needs, he's going to stay there. This is reality.

I hope you are attending Al-anon or a Naranon group. I can't tell you how much this has helped me. I found that we can get just as sick as the addict through all this, and we need help too. I don't want to see you hit bottom before you get help either. Keeping your step son in an environment of an active drug addict father isn't fair nor is it safe for him or you.

I would recommend talking to a Domestic Violence advocate at your nearest YWCA. Drug abuse is domestic violence. Churches aren't equipped for this, they can pray, but the professionals can help you. There are many ways of getting help.

Please consider this.

Praying God will make a way.

NH7

[flying11]

I was only weeks married and I was chasing about on a friday night looking for drugs or else drinking till the small hours. I remember how bad I felt coming home and seeing how upset my wife was. I remember how upset my wife was when I would pop out to the shops only to meet a drug courier coming off a train. I remember how upset my wife was when I would take drugs in the house. I would make every excuse under the sun.... I'll stop tommorrow,next week........

Until I saw how degraded and wretched I was with nothing good in me I didn't change at all. I had to see it for myself. This was the starting point for a relationship with christ

[cmc]

Originally Posted by masseyman

Advice is so easy to give when your not in the mess.
When I was boozing so heavily I knew what was the right thing to do but doing it was the hard part. Humbling myself to the truth of God was the point I had to come to, and when that happened, God showed me once again His truth is complete and the only answer in a tangible way.

Hearing what we think you should do can be difficult when you are seeing it from the trenches, but alas...it doesn't change God's truth. Leaving someone to their transgression who is engrossed in destructive behavior and will not relent from it has biblical foundation. It sounds like you are trying to do what's right in God's eyes by letting Him take control.

Don't give up, continue to give your pain to the Lord. The painful things of this life are part of the trials God promises we will go THRU....that means we come out on the other side for His glory.

He knows you both to the depth of your being, He made you both, He is in control, embrace His love and He will use your trials for good. It's His promise.

Your personal relationship to Christ is the most important, even if not the most tangible, thing you must nurture.

Love to ya.

Amen to all of that post. Thanks for sharing Rev.

When I share my ESH....I tell how it was, what I did and how it is now. This way allows for somebody else to learn from my experience and gives them the opportunity to maybe apply what worked for me to their situation- if they so desire.

Yesterdaysnumb....only you can decide what is the right and/or next thing for you to do. Alot of people here on this site care about what happens to you. I hope you will find your way through this time and that the sharing here offers you a glimmer of hope.

Going to Al-Anon helps me to refocus on what I know is true. I don't know if you have tried these meetings before, but they help so many who face what you are facing today. By listening to and learning from others who are like myself- I gain validation and most of all I learn that like them- I can change and that my situation can improve. For me it's all about allowing the wisdom & goodness of God into my life.

God bless you.

[Believe808]

Yesterday, I am sorry for your pain. When I was using my husband turned his back on me and it brought me to a bottom I think alot quicker. I can't give you any advice on what to do except that maybe pray for him and for God's will to be done. When I was using, I was so miserable that I wanted to die, I could not see a way out except for prayer. It took a long time and I caused so much destruction. Today I know that God had been listening and answered not only my prayers but those of my family. My God didn't turn away he stayed real close. Its like the prayer FOOTPRINTS, when I thought I was alone it was He who was carrying me. It is a miracle and a blessing that I am here today sober and living my life the way God would want me to.
I will pray for you and your husband.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Until,

I could get honest and see how my actions caused pain for other people was I willing to make a change in myself.

When, we're active, we don't see what, we do to those around us that, care for us

[Angelic17]

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on you own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Cast your burdens Yesterdaysnumb, and wait for the miracle
Try to find Naranon in your area