Some are sicker than others

[Thanks2HP]

I've been going through some very rough times these past 3 weeks. I went off my anti depression medicine in June and started back again. No, didn't check with sponsor or doctor. I had some sort of reaction which included extreme anxiety attacks. It has been 13 years, 11 months since taking a drink but I realized that I had not been working a good program. I hadn't worked the steps since I first got sober. I had lapsed back into old behaviour of which I am not proud of and created more wreckage in my life. I prayed to Jesus and God the Father on a daily and nightly basis but wasn't feeling a conscience contact. No wonder since I was in so much sin! Now I'm really having mental issues. As far as the meds go my doctor took me off the one because of the adverse reaction and put me on another one. It hasn't been a long enough time to know if the new one will help with the depression. I've been obsessing over it being End Times... that Mystery Babylon is the United States and that we as a nation are being punished because we have fallen away from God. It seems to be all about the money in this land. I'm guilty too. I've bought way more "stuff" than I actually need. I feel like I've been snared by the deceiver.
I've asked for forgiveness and for just little faith and relief from the pain and fear I'm feeling that things are really about to get bad in the USA. I've also beaten myself up for being so blind to what was happening..... and for being caught off guard. I also beat myself up for being so selfish. I know I've had it really good for a long time while people in this country but more so in others have it far worse than I ever had.

It's difficult for me right now because I am at Step 1 again even though I haven't drank and am struggling very hard with it.

Any suggestions or thoughts on my craziness?

[cmc]

I can't ever change my past, and beating myself up over it just spoils today...and possibly tomorrow as well. I can choose to things differently from this point on.

Suggestions? God has provided me with so many blessings; including medical care and people to help me along in recovery. If I choose to not take advantage of those gifts, I have nobody to blame but me. I thank God I have access to doctors, pastors, Christian friends and other people in recovery. There is no good reason I can think of to 'go it alone' in life.

Somebody I know here on SR said that when God sends me a lifeboat I shouldn't complain about the color of it. (It sounds like something from RustyZ and/or IOStorm?)

[IO Storm]

Thanks 2HP..

I'll gladly share with you...

Here is my "copy and paste" cmc refered to, from a previous post.

What I think Rust is talking about "the boat" is a joke we have about it..

"and when you get a boat..don't complain about the color"..

It is about not staying in the problem..but becoming a part of the solution.

Accepting where we are..at this moment. And taking it from there.

Practicing acceptance on a daily basis has kept me sober for two years,

3 months, and 30 days. It has seen me through some tough, tough times,

some really scary ones when I thought the sky was falling, and the rug was

being pulled out from under me. But in every situation, acceptance kicked

in..combined with faith that all is as it should be at this moment.

That God knew about it beforehand, and would take care of the matter

for me. And He always has.

Here is the reference..

Quote:

And acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am

disturbed,it is because I find some person,place,thing,or situation,some fact

of my life, unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that

person,place,thing,or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be

at this moment!

Nothing, absolutely nothing happen's in Gods world by mistake. Until I could

accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober: unless I accept life

completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not

so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to

be changed in me and in my attitudes.

page 449, The AA Big Book

Hope this helps a bit. Just "trust", and "keep it simple"...

[IO Storm]

Here is something else I would like share with you.

I was inspired by the Chapter "Lions, Tigers, and Bears in T.D Jake's

"Reposition Yourself" (Living Life Without Limits)

1 Samuel 17:32-37 NIV

32 David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine;

your servant will go and fight him."

33 Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and

fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth."

34 But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's

sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, 35

I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it

turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. 36 Your servant

has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like

one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The

LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will

deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you."

You see, H2..the beauty of the Serenity Prayer, and aligning ourselves..

praying daily for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry

that out. Is all that is required!

because he has defied the armies of the living God.

God has already defeated the enemy. Hallelujah!

We have been given a simple plan to keep our lives balanced. And no matter what happens

outside of our "boat"..in the stormy sea during these chaotic times...stay focused.

Take your Steps. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

All is as it should...

Hugs

[IO Storm]

Lastly..see your doctor. Call your sponsor. Today!

Hugs.

[Thanks2HP]

Thanks to all who posted. Today was a much better day today. I hit a spiritual bottom and know I need to get into action or risk another spiritual relapse. I'm very thankful that I didn't get the urge to drink. God surely kept the compulsion lifted. I was able to live today "in the moment" which was quite a blessing. I kept in contact with my sponsor every day and had others phoning me to wish me well and check up on me. What a blessing! I've also been in contact with my doctor.

I've been humbled by this experience which is a very positive thing. I'm glad I reached out for help when I did.

Thanks again for the support.

[NeedingHelp7]

Keep going forward Thanks2HP.

After I became a Christian, I at times relapsed into old behaviors, not drug or alcohol, but sin, and it did cause me depression as well. I also had an obsession of studying of end times, and so that would depress me. I remember reading the book by David Wilkerson in the early 90's, I was a brand new christian. It was called "The Coming Depression." I studied every endtime thing I could find. I always thought everything was doom and gloom and everything and everyone being judged. This was gonna happen, that was gonna happen. I could envision the 4 horsemen coming.... I really had to take my mind off of those studies, remember the main end time issues, but return to my love and relationship w/ Christ.

I also started taking a multivitamin each day (taken at night). It really helped alot w/ depression also. Anti-depressants never helped me, Christ did, and doing the right thing.

Keep your mind on things good, lovely, pure, true and of good report. This is a biggie for recovery. You can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you.

Say the Lords prayer first thing every morning....

Huggs,
NH7

[Thanks2HP]

Thank you for sharing. It has been a such a struggle lately. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling all is "doom and gloom". I'm glad you were able to move past it. I hope and pray the same for me.

I've been saying the Lord's Prayer every morning and every night for at least 14 years.... if not longer. I've prayed quite a lot lately, confessing my sins.... still haven't found peace.

God Bless

Originally Posted by NeedingHelp7

Keep going forward Thanks2HP.

After I became a Christian, I at times relapsed into old behaviors, not drug or alcohol, but sin, and it did cause me depression as well. I also had an obsession of studying of end times, and so that would depress me. I remember reading the book by David Wilkerson in the early 90's, I was a brand new christian. It was called "The Coming Depression." I studied every endtime thing I could find. I always thought everything was doom and gloom and everything and everyone being judged. This was gonna happen, that was gonna happen. I could envision the 4 horsemen coming.... I really had to take my mind off of those studies, remember the main end time issues, but return to my love and relationship w/ Christ.

I also started taking a multivitamin each day (taken at night). It really helped alot w/ depression also. Anti-depressants never helped me, Christ did, and doing the right thing.

Keep your mind on things good, lovely, pure, true and of good report. This is a biggie for recovery. You can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you.

Say the Lords prayer first thing every morning....

Huggs,
NH7