Low Self Worth... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Gertiegirl · 08-29-2008, 07:02 PM

Ya know... I have been thinking (I promise it doesn't happen often, but just occassionally a thought passes through) and it seems to me that one of our most common struggles as addicts, or those who have suffered by the addictions of others is a very low sense of self worth. We somehow feel we are undeserving of the peace that comes with the release of recovery. We beat ourselves up over our failures, and we feel worthless and inadequete. Surely because we -want- to make better choices then we should be immediately able to, and continued knocks or the inability to do this smashes about our self-esteem and leaves us feeling more and more battered and broken...

Most concerning to me I think is the prevailence of this in the Christian community. In some ways I think it makes it even harder for us addicts with faith in Christ. I mean, we know better... dont we? We have a saviour that we know loves us, we want to do better for him, to please him and it just makes sense that with the power of the Holy Spirit within us, overcoming an addiction should be dead simple... Right? And I believe that with this mindset, our contiued bad choices, or perceived failures to overcome not only batters our self worth but ALSO has an impact on our faith. We cannot possibly comphrehend the forgiveness of God, We picture the broken and bleeding body of Christ as he hung at Calvery and we see with clarity our sin in those nails, and guilt and shame threatens to overwhelm us, because surely our mistakes are so much worse then other Christians without addictions... Right? Wrong.... So very very wrong... No wonder our self worth can get so low...

On my baptism, One of my Pastors gifted me with a book that changed the way I feel about my faith, recovery and addiction. Its called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" and its written by Brennan Manning. I also have a copy of another of his books - "Abba's Child" and I highly recomend his work to any Christian, more specifically any struggling with addiction or low self worth. Im going to type a small excerpt and pray to God I don't get stung for breaking copyright, but as I say, this author and great teachers writings turned around my perception of the concept of The Grace of God. Grace is all we have to hang on to - as it was by his Grace we are saved.

Brennan Manning writes...
"Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It stikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life... It strikes us when year after year, the longed for perfection does not appear, when the old complusions reign within us as they have for decades, when dispair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness and it is though a voice were saying; 'You are accepted, You are accepted, You are accepted by that which is greater then you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything for now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact you are accepted.' If that happens to us, we experience grace" (Paul Tillich)

Grace calls out; You are not just a disillusioned old man who may die soon, a middle aged woman stuck in a job and desperately wanting to get out, a young person feeling the fire in the belly begin to grow cold. You may be insecure, inadequate, mistaken, or potbellied. Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted.

Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted.

We all have been justified by grace through faith. We are accepted, we are loved. All our fears and failures matter not a wit, when we grasp the fact that we are accepted. Base your self-worth on this little revelation, not your own feelings of guilt and shame.

Walk in peace, walk in faith, through the grace of our mighty God - walk with him...

Blessings,
Gerts...

IO Storm · 08-30-2008, 11:27 PM

Thanks so much Gert...

People in recovery need this message today so much!

Quote:

Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted.

What I am grasping more and more in my walk with the Lord, and as I grow

spiritually in my program..is that I, or anyone else cold never be good or holy

enough without God's righteousness credited to me, through Christ Jesus.

The Bible says..

Quote:

Isaiah 64:6 (NIV)

6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

What Christ did on the cross, the "mystery"...the "renting of the veil" that

separated us from direct communication with the most High God, is the

righteousness that God required. Love for us was behind it. When He

sees me, he does not see my sin. Nor my past. Those have been removed

as far as the east is from the west. When God looks at me, He sees..

the blood. What a thought. What a fact.

For God so loved....

Butterflywoman · 08-31-2008, 05:57 PM

Here are a couple of articles about self-esteem . . .

Spectrum | AAF Online

More Self Esteem

Lily · 09-03-2008, 03:05 PM

Gertie! What a wonderful post! I too have been grappling w/ the same thing. It is hard for me at times in the NA/AA community cuz I am Christian saved by grace. Heck, it wasn't too long ago I was sharing something w/ my non-believing sponsor about something I did in active addiction and she was shocked.

I just read something the other day about forgiving ourselves. It was in a little book by CJ Mahaney called the Cross Centered Life. I am going to look for it:

Here it is:

Low Grade Guilt:

Condemnation is something we all deal w/ at one time or another in different drgrees. It is a mistake to think that condemation is only a problem for ppl who have commited MAJOR sins. We can all becoe condemned over any sin, great or small, past or present.

The common element is a sustained sense of guilt or shame over sins for which you have repented to God and to any appropriate individuals.

Are there any of these in your life?

Do you relate to God like you are on kind of a permanent probation?

When you worship do you keep a respectful distance from God?

When you read scripture does it reaveal the boundless love of the Savior or only further condemn you?

Are you more aware of your sin than you are of God's grace, given to you thru the cross?

Do not buy into the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that constand low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity.

It is just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all of our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. That when we receive His free gift of grace and live in total forgiveness that we're able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience.

I love that!

and I love what you shared too, it kind of fits together. blessings, Sheila

Gertiegirl · 09-03-2008, 03:44 PM

Thanks heaps for adding to the topic Sheila, what you shared on condemnation is powerful, and perhaps not a small coincidence (or "god-incidence") that I initially intended to explore that area myself as part of the initial post. But I decided it was long and wordy enough as it was!

Isn't it interesting how we jump to condemn ourselves, or allow others to place thier judgements and condemnation upon us, which hurts, belittles us and lowers self-worth further - when we have absolutely no right whatsoever to do so? The was one perfect man who walked this earth, and does he condemn us? No siree! I believe this is a huge element in the scriptures...

Even to trot out an old well known verse (nothing too deep here, I havn't come accross many who dont know this verse...) John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life...." See - well known verse... But if you read on a bit further it becomes a bit less well known, but to me, just as fundamental to Christian faith, and just as powerful "John 3:17 For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him..." (Emphasis mine)

Whoa - Big news people! Jesus was not here to condemn us, so what right whatsoever do we have to, or allow others to? That of course does not give us an excuse to continue in a path of sin, or to give up fighting against our wrongs, our addictions or whatever but it confirms to me one important point... We can't change the past... So we can't dwell in it - feel guilty and beat ourselves up and have it hammer at our self-esteem. That sort of self-condemnation is not in the slightest beneficial as it devalues our self-worth. However - we can remember and use the past to make better choices and decisions for the future without hanging onto the guilt, shame and remorse simply by not condeming ourselves or others....

All this is just my humble opinion of course, anyone please feel free to point out any physchological, theological or biblical errors when I make them please! Im after a healthy discussion most of all - as this topic is something I am exploring, journalling about and studying as part of my recovery journey. I have only my own interpretations to back me up, so errors are likely! Im just typing and babbling away about things as it comes to mind...

I just find the subject of past experiences and assumptions and how it affects our emotional stability and our recovery journey in the present absolutely fascinating. I also was stunned to discover and explore the fact that many fellow addicts feel the same as I... I always thought it was just me... (Dont we all to begin with!)

Maybe Ill be a phychologist or something 'when I grow up' ... Or even better

a Pastor - Ill take over my church!!! Look out world... here I come! I can just see it now... my church family will all be either like

or

Thanks for your input Sheila... Luvvies and blessings all,
Gerts.

08-29-2008, 07:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
Gertiegirl Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Whoville (with Horton) Posts: 121 Blog Entries: 1	Low Self Worth... Ya know... I have been thinking (I promise it doesn't happen often, but just occassionally a thought passes through) and it seems to me that one of our most common struggles as addicts, or those who have suffered by the addictions of others is a very low sense of self worth. We somehow feel we are undeserving of the peace that comes with the release of recovery. We beat ourselves up over our failures, and we feel worthless and inadequete. Surely because we -want- to make better choices then we should be immediately able to, and continued knocks or the inability to do this smashes about our self-esteem and leaves us feeling more and more battered and broken... Most concerning to me I think is the prevailence of this in the Christian community. In some ways I think it makes it even harder for us addicts with faith in Christ. I mean, we know better... dont we? We have a saviour that we know loves us, we want to do better for him, to please him and it just makes sense that with the power of the Holy Spirit within us, overcoming an addiction should be dead simple... Right? And I believe that with this mindset, our contiued bad choices, or perceived failures to overcome not only batters our self worth but ALSO has an impact on our faith. We cannot possibly comphrehend the forgiveness of God, We picture the broken and bleeding body of Christ as he hung at Calvery and we see with clarity our sin in those nails, and guilt and shame threatens to overwhelm us, because surely our mistakes are so much worse then other Christians without addictions... Right? Wrong.... So very very wrong... No wonder our self worth can get so low... On my baptism, One of my Pastors gifted me with a book that changed the way I feel about my faith, recovery and addiction. Its called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" and its written by Brennan Manning. I also have a copy of another of his books - "Abba's Child" and I highly recomend his work to any Christian, more specifically any struggling with addiction or low self worth. Im going to type a small excerpt and pray to God I don't get stung for breaking copyright, but as I say, this author and great teachers writings turned around my perception of the concept of The Grace of God. Grace is all we have to hang on to - as it was by his Grace we are saved. Brennan Manning writes... "Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It stikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life... It strikes us when year after year, the longed for perfection does not appear, when the old complusions reign within us as they have for decades, when dispair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness and it is though a voice were saying; 'You are accepted, You are accepted, You are accepted by that which is greater then you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything for now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact you are accepted.' If that happens to us, we experience grace" (Paul Tillich) Grace calls out; You are not just a disillusioned old man who may die soon, a middle aged woman stuck in a job and desperately wanting to get out, a young person feeling the fire in the belly begin to grow cold. You may be insecure, inadequate, mistaken, or potbellied. Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted. Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted. We all have been justified by grace through faith. We are accepted, we are loved. All our fears and failures matter not a wit, when we grasp the fact that we are accepted. Base your self-worth on this little revelation, not your own feelings of guilt and shame. Walk in peace, walk in faith, through the grace of our mighty God - walk with him... Blessings, Gerts...

08-31-2008, 05:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
Butterflywoman Love Addict and Alcoholic Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: California Posts: 143	Here are a couple of articles about self-esteem . . . Spectrum \| AAF Online More Self Esteem __________________ Recovery means doing the right thing even if we don't want to . . . one day at a time.

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09-03-2008, 03:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
Lily AWOL :) Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Central WI Posts: 2,019 Blog Entries: 10	Gertie! What a wonderful post! I too have been grappling w/ the same thing. It is hard for me at times in the NA/AA community cuz I am Christian saved by grace. Heck, it wasn't too long ago I was sharing something w/ my non-believing sponsor about something I did in active addiction and she was shocked. I just read something the other day about forgiving ourselves. It was in a little book by CJ Mahaney called the Cross Centered Life. I am going to look for it: Here it is: Low Grade Guilt: Condemnation is something we all deal w/ at one time or another in different drgrees. It is a mistake to think that condemation is only a problem for ppl who have commited MAJOR sins. We can all becoe condemned over any sin, great or small, past or present. The common element is a sustained sense of guilt or shame over sins for which you have repented to God and to any appropriate individuals. Are there any of these in your life? Do you relate to God like you are on kind of a permanent probation? When you worship do you keep a respectful distance from God? When you read scripture does it reaveal the boundless love of the Savior or only further condemn you? Are you more aware of your sin than you are of God's grace, given to you thru the cross? Do not buy into the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that constand low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity. It is just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all of our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. That when we receive His free gift of grace and live in total forgiveness that we're able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience. I love that! and I love what you shared too, it kind of fits together. blessings, Sheila

09-03-2008, 03:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
Gertiegirl Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Whoville (with Horton) Posts: 121 Blog Entries: 1	Thanks heaps for adding to the topic Sheila, what you shared on condemnation is powerful, and perhaps not a small coincidence (or "god-incidence") that I initially intended to explore that area myself as part of the initial post. But I decided it was long and wordy enough as it was! Isn't it interesting how we jump to condemn ourselves, or allow others to place thier judgements and condemnation upon us, which hurts, belittles us and lowers self-worth further - when we have absolutely no right whatsoever to do so? The was one perfect man who walked this earth, and does he condemn us? No siree! I believe this is a huge element in the scriptures... Even to trot out an old well known verse (nothing too deep here, I havn't come accross many who dont know this verse...) John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life...." See - well known verse... But if you read on a bit further it becomes a bit less well known, but to me, just as fundamental to Christian faith, and just as powerful "John 3:17 For God did not* send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him..."* (Emphasis mine) Whoa - Big news people! Jesus was not here to condemn us, so what right whatsoever do we have to, or allow others to? That of course does not give us an excuse to continue in a path of sin, or to give up fighting against our wrongs, our addictions or whatever but it confirms to me one important point... We can't change the past... So we can't dwell in it - feel guilty and beat ourselves up and have it hammer at our self-esteem. That sort of self-condemnation is not in the slightest beneficial as it devalues our self-worth. However - we can remember and use the past to make better choices and decisions for the future without hanging onto the guilt, shame and remorse simply by not condeming ourselves or others.... All this is just my humble opinion of course, anyone please feel free to point out any physchological, theological or biblical errors when I make them please! Im after a healthy discussion most of all - as this topic is something I am exploring, journalling about and studying as part of my recovery journey. I have only my own interpretations to back me up, so errors are likely! Im just typing and babbling away about things as it comes to mind... I just find the subject of past experiences and assumptions and how it affects our emotional stability and our recovery journey in the present absolutely fascinating. I also was stunned to discover and explore the fact that many fellow addicts feel the same as I... I always thought it was just me... (Dont we all to begin with!) Maybe Ill be a phychologist or something 'when I grow up' ... Or even better a Pastor - Ill take over my church!!! Look out world... here I come! I can just see it now... my church family will all be either like or Thanks for your input Sheila... Luvvies and blessings all, Gerts.

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