Loner's truth

[Hikeon]

I've read a lot of posts on this Christians In Recovery Forum, and I don't know what else to do but tell my story.

I had cancer when I was two and lost a lot of my sight. I had cancer again at 7 and was left with a scar on my back. The scar isn't really a problem but the fact that I look visually impaired has always kept me from having friends and relating to people in a way that I would if I never had cancer.

I'm an outsider, and I'm pretty sure I always will be. I started drinking when I was 14 or so, and it's something I struggle with a lot.

Alcohol was the only thing that led me to social outlets. Now that I try not to drink, I spend most of my time alone.

Mostly I handle being alone pretty well. Maybe too well, as I don't try very hard to be social anymore and assume people won't like me before they have met me.

I'm lonely, but I prefer my own company rather than others' as I'm generally nicer to myself than others are to me.

Anyway, the point is this: I can't seem to connect with God. For example, when people on this site ask for people's prayers, I hope enough people post a reply to encourage the original poster. But I can't say "Here is a prayer from me." Something stops me.

I like to read about Christianity and appreciate the meaning in it, but can't accept that God wants to hear from me. One person on this site wrote "Iron shapes iron and man shapes man." (Proverbs). These are lovely words, but no one shapes me, because I'm unlikeable.

It's actually a little dangerous to write this because for a long time alcohol followed this type of mulling like the answer to a question. But I can't help feeling like a phony every time I try to turn to God sincerely.

I hope I don't sound too pathetic, that's not my intention.

[cmc]

Hello and I'm glad you decided to post in this forum.

Reading about Christianity is limited to other people's opinions and ideas about a religion.

Participating in Christianity will introduce a person to God Himself and is what is needed. Reading the bible along with spiritual guidance that a bible believing church has to offer is essential for growth.

I believe that with God's help there is hope for you to find salvation of your soul, peace in your heart and continued sobriety and well-being.

btw...You don't sound pathetic in the least, it takes courage to reach out for help and to search for the truth and meaning in life.

[IO Storm]

Hi Hikeon...

Do you know a Christian you can talk with in person as well? If you are not

ready for that step, as cmc stated, you have made a huge effort in reaching

out...

There are "Sticky" Bible verses also to read at the top of the forum page.

Welcome to SR!

And I will be praying for you.

Love,



IO

[Alera]

There were many times when David felt God did not like him at all. I find his psalms can help me relate when I share those feelings.

[rayofsunshine]

Welcome, Hikeon.
When I read this Q&A from Rev. Billy Grahams website, it seemed like the answer I needed to respond to your post. God Loves You!

Q: I can't seem to get my life straightened out. I've been in and out of jail more times than I can remember (drugs, alcohol, things like that), and no matter how much counseling I get or how many resolutions I make, nothing seems to change. Am I hopeless? — G.R.

A: Dear G.R.,
No, you're not hopeless—and the reason is because God has not given up on you. The fact that you haven't given up completely proves this.

God loves you no matter what your past has been. He loves you so much that He sent His only Son into the world to die on the cross for you. Listen: If you had been the only person on earth who needed God's forgiveness, Jesus Christ would still have gone to the cross for you. As the Bible says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (1 John 3:16). For you!

Furthermore, God promises to help us when we truly turn in faith to Him. His Word promises, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). My prayer is that you will trust these words, and then memorize them and store them up in your mind and heart.

Begin today by asking Jesus Christ to come into your heart and take over your life. Then quit trying to overcome your problems only in your own strength. Instead, admit your helplessness to God, and ask Him to help you face your problems and deal with them. With God's help, and the help of others He brings to you, the future can be different. God bless you.

[cmc]

NotReligion - The Problem

Here is a link that also addresses some of what you have posted about.

[IO Storm]

Beautiful cmc! The truth shall set you free....

Loner, here is an email my daughter sent me....it so beautiful it brought tears.

Read it if you wish...


House For Sale ~Inspirational~ Spiritual~ Wanda's Country Home

[dadnIr1married1]

Growing up with hippy parents who had religion thrown down their throats and therefore who so chose to NOT have ME be any particular religion except my baptism, when I first came to AA, it was years before I developed my conscience daily contact with God (for me it's Jesus). It took even more time for me to see that God is NOT Santa Claus and that he loves me (and you) even if I don't and when I take my will back it's not because He deserted me, it's because I left Him.
Act as if. Pray or just talk to Him and ask for the willingness to HEAR the message. It WILL come to you if you work for it and you will soon realize that He is doing for you what you couldn't do for yourself.
God bless.
PS I'll pray for you

[best]

Originally Posted by Hikeon

"Iron shapes iron and man shapes man." (Proverbs). These are lovely words, but no one shapes me, because I'm unlikeable.

We are all unlikeable by someone but we are all likeable by someone as well.
I have yet to meet a perfect person. Every single one of us have something we may not like or agree with about ourself.
What others think of me is their problem. What I think of me is my problem if my thoughts are not correct.
What God thinks of us all...Well He loves us enough that He died on a cross for every single one of us. All who accept His free gift of life are seen as worthy in His sight.
When we come across people who act rude or disrespectful, the best thing we can do is pray for them...Lord, help them find peace and joy in life.
Yes the Lord listens and wants to hear from us...every single one of us.
When I pray, it is His love that fills me and allows me to pray. Not of my own do I pray by by His example.
Lord, help me to be more like You. Help me to better understand love as You know it... and one way He answers such a prayer for me...He shows me someone who is hurting and guides me to try and help them.

I looked for a friend and could not find one.
I went out and became a friend to others and soon found I had many friends in return.


Helping another who is hurting allows the Lord's love that is inside of us shine.

[Hikeon]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

cmc, I know what you mean about participation vs observation. It's a valid point.
IO Storm, the sticky threads are what I'll be reading next, thanks for pointing them out. Also I followed the link you posted, thanks for doing that.
Alera, thanks for sharing.
rayofsunshine, I've taken your words to heart. Thanks for posting on this thread.
dadIr, I see your meaning, and thanks for the prayer.
best, you left a great message, but the truth is, I'm not "a big enough person" to do that. Maybe it's something to hope for, I don't know. But I still see where you're going with your overall message, and I appreciate it a lot.

I don't usually post a replies directly to responders, but this post was different to the ones I usually post. In fact I thought of deleting it a number of times overnight. Thanks again for your insights.

[IO Storm]

Glad to be of help....

[rayofsunshine]

When Satan comes knocking at your door just simply say

"Jesus will you get that for me!"


Loved the link, IO Storm. (This part really stood out to me.)

Hikeon, Keep reading and posting. You'll get lots of encouragement and support here. God Bless you!