"I Need Spiritual Advice"

[BUTTERFLY-7]

It was Planted in my Heart, since I accept it the Lord
in his Holy Scriptures, that once you are Married you
are bounded with your Spouse, till Death do us part
or if he is founded in Adultery.

Now in the "Holy Secreted Scriptures": in the Book of
Romans:7-1:3, It Speaks whats on top of my thread.
now further Down, I never read that part, or nevertheless
Understood it,

It Speaks about on Chap,4:5, the Apostle Paul Speaks about,
that we die to the Law, that we are not bounded no more to that Law, so what Doe's that Mean that even if I'm
Miserable, & Living a Living Hell, with my spouse &
even if I'm a Christian Woman, It won't degrade me
I won't be offending God, I won't be call and Adulteress
if in the future find my soul mate, and decide to marry and
my Ex-husband is still alive.

Please don't judge, or criticize, this Thread. I'm Going
trough a ruff time with my Husband, as many could
Remember I had posted about the conflicts, that I live
with my Husband, It's been going on for to long Verbal,
& Emotional,& Mentally Abuse, I ratter u hit me with a Bat
and end my misery, but to live under this toxic Behaviors,
and unhealthy Relationship,

no Woman Deserves to live under this circumstances
I try every thing in my power, I try been submissive,
virtues Woman, Cry in silent, Smile even do inside I'm hurting, I Can't no more, I just can't, and he walk out
on our Marriage last night, so Is not the first, or the last,
if I keep Forgiving, which I know You got to forgive 77.000
times,and I had don't that, but I'm in to much pain to even b around him I'm beginning to Hate him for all the Pain He is put me through, forgive me Lord but it is, what it is.

But I just cant is effecting me mentally, & spiritually, &
Emotionally,I just came to the edge of Braking Down
my sanity is more Important at this moment I have to be strong for my Son Adam, who needs me ,and for me
and for the ministry God has for me.

so Please If you Have any Input on what to do as a christian woman, and as a Human being,& as Woman that
I'm, and Mother. Please Share and help me get trough
this Ruff Times Thanx

[splendra]

(((((Butterfly))))

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. When you forgive someone it doesn't mean you have to keep putting up with unacceptable behavior.

Love is strong. It is not loving for you or anyone to put up with down right hurtful behavior. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself that is why the good Lord gave us a back bone!

You do deserve better.

[lizw]

is god wants you to be happy. Period. Just like we want our children to be happy. It is not god's will for us to live in bad situations which create abuse.

Take care

[Gertiegirl]

Do you have a Pastor or anyone who you can talk to regarding your situation? Whats already been said is absolutely true and God does not want you to be unhappy, or putting your mental health and your child at risk. Im sure that would be advice you would be given in this sort of situation.

Seek wise Pastoral care and counsel.

Take care of you. You are in my prayers hun.

[cmc]

Your scripture references although from the same book are about two different subjects.
you said:

the Apostle Paul Speaks about,
that we die to the Law, that we are not bounded no more to that Law,

1.This idea is about the fact that we have been saved by grace...and are not subject to the old laws to be justified before God. This means that we can't earn salvation but that the laws are still meant to be used as guidelines. Butterfly...this is very complex theology and difficult for theology majors with lots of Capital letters behind their names to understand. I'm just not able to do it justice, but I don't see this part of the scripture as applicable to your situation with your husband. jmho

2.The verses; Romans:7-1:3 are again discussing one aspect of divorce-meaning that God will release a spouse from the commitment under that circumstance. Some people believe that this verse implies that this is the -only- circumstance allowing one to divorce.



In response to what is going on in your home:
I do not believe that God ever intended the institution of marraige to include any kind of abuse that one partner is forced to endure in order to please God. It is never okay for a spouse to be abusive. Never.

The previous three posts offer you exactly the same response that I would give.
Your husband will do as he chooses, but you have choices too. I would hope that you will consider what others have said here and try a different approach. When I continue to act and react in the same ways, nothing changes-thankfully it's never too late to learn, get help and find a better way to live.

I am going to recommend that you try Al-Anon because that is the best place I know to learn how to place some limits on what I accept from other people. We have a saying in Al-Anon: "It's recommended to attend at least six meetings and if after that, you don't want to come back, we will gladly refund your misery."

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Tahnx Guys serious for all your support

to splendra tahnx U are right God gave that Back Bone
for me to stand up and not for others to stand in my Back

and to lizw I also tough of that way God being like a Loving
Father even do I must admit sometimes I loose site
of that Love he has for me,is just so much doctrine I been tough
that I loose site of what God wants for me

and to Gertiegirl yes I have two pastor the male pastor and his wife
I didn't go to Bible classes last night so I guess as any Pastor
would do they check on there sheep's so my Male pastor
call me this morning but I was so overwhelmed with everything
that is going on I didn't pick up the phone
But Thanx God for the pastors I got he didn't give up
he call back I pick up and spoke to him about what I was going
trough he told me that he would had his wife call me
she call me the lady pastor but all she said was wait
don't make no decisions when you are mad or hurt to wait
and let time pass and when I'm more calm then to think about the solution

and to cmc thanx to but I'm still confused about that chap
would God want me to be bounded to someone that hurts me

cause in verse 1)- in my version says, Do you not know, brothers
for I'm speaking to men who know the
Law-that the law has authority over a man only as long as
he lives? 2)For example, by law a married woman is bound
to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies,
she is released from the law of marriage. 3)So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is call an
adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law
and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

4)So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body
of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was
raised from the dead, in oder that we might bear fruit to God.
5)For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful
passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for the death.6)But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the
new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

so you see cmc when I read it the revelation I got was that we don't have to live the old way in the law of man or traditions and old
beliefs but in the spirit and if I'm wrong so help me God
and Thanx for the Al-Anon I when 5 years ago to one of those
meetings and the other days I found the # I'm going
to give it a chance Thanx 4'r all u'r patience and support
to all of you's

[ByHisBlood2]

Butterfly,

I have to tell you this is an issue I myself am dealing with right now. My wife filed for divorce on May 2nd and we had a court date yesterday which was pretty bad for me financially. My wife claims she is a Christian and I have to believe she is because it is not my job to judge her. As bad as it is I am still supposed to try to see Christ in her, and it is very hard. Anyways I added some verses on the roles of the Man and the woman in marriage. Now from what I read from you you are in a very difficult spot, and I feel your pain. Now it is of my opinion from my understanding of these verses that if you have been submissive to your husband like the verses say than you are pleasing God. Is he a Christian? If he is then he is totally in the wrong/sin. He is supposed to be your advocate, he is supposed to lift you up not tear you down-he is wrong. I agree if you can get some good soild pastoral council, preferably for you both do it. If you divorce your husband it is your choice and no one should condem you, you have accepted the free gift of salvation from God thru the shed blood of Jesus and nothing you do will EVER take that away. We are called to live joyus happy lives and remember God is most glorified when we are most pleased in him!!! God bless you!!


Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.


Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.


Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.


Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;


Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,


Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.


Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.


Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.


Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.


I hope it helps!!

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Thanx ByHisBlood2 about your marriage I feel your
Pain you sound like a nice Man of God who like all of us Deserves
to Be Happy,

you ask me if my spouse is Christian well yeah when we met
I was a back slider & was using I met him he was also using
I came back to Christ & I won him for the Lord he follow up
I left Alcohol and drugs he follow up to but some were he couldn't keep climbing to follow up in the Spiritual world some were he Got Stuck and hasn't been able to Grow is like when you
are constipated and I'm just so tire of waiting on him to Grow up
May God forgive me I know is my fault for living the walks of God
and coming back with and ungodly man so now I'm pain my prize
Thanx God Bless

[best]

God says...do things this way.....
In life, many of us have done things..."our way" and when things start to go wrong we look for answers.
God hates divorce. Jesus tells us... Moses said give a cert of divorce but I(Jesus) tell you it was not always that way. Moses gave that law because of the hard hearts of man.

There are ways to get things done without divorce being used. Al Anon teaches us many tools we can use that do work. Scripture does the same.
Per scripture..we are bound to our mate for life with two exceptions...imoral behavior and adultary. Imoral behavior and adultary are not an excuse to divorce as many have gone through such things and still found a way to mend their marriage when people truly repented of their old ways. A separation...as told in Romans...send them out so they may realize what they are giving up... is a tool that can be used if other tools have been tried and not worked with the proper efforts put out.
In my opinion... any time there is abuse of any kind, we need use boundaries to protect ourself and children and a sad truth... Some times a boundary that needs be used is sending them out (separation or divorce).
Al Anon meetings and talking things over with a spirit filled woman at your church and your pastor will guide you to what is the better thing to do.
Here on a message board, we can only give you a guide and opinion. You need talk such things over...face to face with someone of spiritual wisdom.

[ByHisBlood2]

I totally agree with Best(as usual) I think getting one on one pastoral counciling and council from a strong Christian woman from your church is a great idea. Also My wife and I lived apart for almost 2 years until she finally filed. In that time I became sober and grew a stronger faith and relationship with the Lord, while she decided to stay mad be bitter and not forgive me of my past mistakes. So I could only pray and try to show her I am becoming conformed into the image of Christ, the fact she could not see that not my problem. Her heart was hardened toward me, God allowed that. God does hate divorce but he allows it. I know him being God he could make it so none of us ever divorce but he allows and that is part of his infinite plan. His ways are not our ways, so as Best said we need to see things HIS way and lay down our pride. Maybe sending him out is what is needed I don't know but pray on it and get council a seperation may end up saving your marriage maybe not. It didn't save mine but I have a peace in God that passes all understand about it and I know God still loves me and my salvation is fixed and eternal!!! Hang in there and be greatful to God in all things EVEN this situation because he uses these situations to get us to turn our attention to him. It's wonderful to know the creator of the universe is active and involved in our lives on a everyday basis!! Praise Jesus!! God bless you!!

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Dear Best: I agree, But what do you do when you don't love the
Man any more, were you turn bitter, and resentful tours this man,
to the point were you star hating him, I know thats not what God wants me to do, to let my heart get bitter, and be contaminated,
I thanx You for your word of advice

so what your telling me is that I got to be bounded
to someone that I don't Love any more, and this got nothing
to do with pride, it's easy say than done, is easy to say things
but no one are in this shoes but me, and only God knows the living hell, I been living, and our limits, and how much I've try.

and yes I know it's not my ways, it's his ways, but
I don't think God is the type of God, who wants to see his
children's hurt, or bee abuse, by any one, My God is a loving, and Gentle God, & and Understandable God, who doesn't force any one
to be summited to Abuse, of any type thats is just my
Opinion Brother,that's the God of my Understanding

But Thanx to yawl for your feed back much appreciated

[cmc]

I'll try to make my point more clear; sorry for the confusion, but as I said it's a very complicated issue and I want to be true to scripture.

From what you have written it seems that you are asking if we are not bound by the law...this gives permission to be free to remarry and not be considered an adulterer.

The point of the law compared to the grace we have because of Jesus...does not mean that the laws of God don't matter once we are saved.
"Do we then nullify the Law through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish the Law." Romans 3: 31

Traditions and the laws are very different...but in the old testament divorce was allowed by _both_ and in fact is allowed to day by Orthodox Jews today.

Here is but one example taken from the New Testament:
"Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace." 1 Corinthians 7:15

Taking just one or two scriptures to base my actions on without knowing God's word as a whole, can be very misleading.

Only you can decide if you feel it is right to divorce or not and I am certainly not suggesting it, nor am I suggesting separation which would be another alternative for you if you want. I'm always of the mind that counseling and getting some support is the first best step, and that has been my practice since I've been married over 34 years.

So, my bottom line is that I do believe that in specific situations divorce is not prohibited, but not for the reason you were using about the laws of God not being in effect. I hope that clears things up.