Recovering heroin addict

[lisahhh]

I met a guy (he’s 20) through my church (Teen Challenge) who is now interning there after graduating rehab after a 13 month stay. I’m not exactly sure how long he was using before he was saved but he’s very devoted to staying clean and the church.

I am someone who hates drinking, has never done any drugs in my life (I'm 22) and has smoked one cigarette, before puking and then never doing it again, so being supportive in that aspect will not be a problem at all.

Basically my question is how do I go about supporting him in other ways. We aren’t dating per say but it’s a big possibility and I want to make sure I do right by him as much as I can. Thanks.

[best]

Welcome Lisa.

The best support we can give any one is...understanding.
The more we understand what others do (reasons and motives) the better we can guide our own actions so we don't provide enabling actions.
Also the more you learn about addictions...Your choice to get involved with him in a dating situation will be a choice you make with an open mind that knows what can be ahead.(both dangers and blessings)
It would be wise for him to be clean and sober...out on his own for a year before he starts looking for any relationships. It is said that it takes us about a year to figure out who we are and what we want of life.
Be a friend but take things slow. His actions will let you know how well he is working a recovery program.
You need think with your head because we never know how our heart will react to another.
It is said...be careful who you date because we never know who we may fall in love with.

May want to have a look here and read the posts at the top that say "sticky" beside them.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

Again welcome. We are always glad to have another sister or brother in Christ join us on this forum.

[serenityqueen]

Welcome to SR Lisa!

It's refreshing to have someone come on SR to see how they may be of support to someone in Recovery.

I'd just like to add to what best said. Please remember to be supportive and understand that he will need time to work his Program, go to meetings, groups, whatever is a part of his support . . . on his own. Many people have good intentions of wanting to help, but the bottom line is, this is his Program and he has to continue to work it alone. Don't get me wrong, I think it is such a Blessing that he has found such a caring person who seems to have his best interest at heart. I'm sure as friends or more, he may ask you at some point to attend meetings with him, just remember he will need time to himself to continue to grow and stay Clean.

God Bless,
Judy

[cmc]

Welcome to SR and to the Christians In Recovery forum. It's nice to meet you.

Originally Posted by serenityqueen

Please remember to be supportive and understand that he will need time to work his Program, go to meetings, groups, whatever is a part of his support . . . on his own. Many people have good intentions of wanting to help, but the bottom line is, this is his Program and he has to continue to work it alone. Don't get me wrong, I think it is such a Blessing that he has found such a caring person who seems to have his best interest at heart. I'm sure as friends or more, he may ask you at some point to attend meetings with him, just remember he will need time to himself to continue to grow and stay Clean.

These were my thoughts as well.

[lisahhh]

Thank you for your advice and care, best.

I first officially met him on Easter Sunday but since he was in the program, we didn't get to see much of each other. We probably hung out maybe four or five times before he graduated about two weeks ago. Like I said he's now doing an optional internship for the church which I believe is about for three months and then he is most likely going to bible college after that.

I feel that he has a very level head on his shoulders and a very devoted heart to God so maybe that's why I think so highly of him and his recovery. A year seems like a long time to wait for any kind of relationship but I will definitely keep it into consideration and not move too fast. Thank you again. Bless you.

[lisahhh]

Hi, serenity queen,

Your advice is VERY helpful. I'm someone that has a tendency to do anything I can for someone so the fact that you stress that he needs to face things on his own first is definitely a wake up call for me because I would've done the opposite lol. So thank you for that. Ultimately I really want to be his friend and if anything else comes from it, that's great too. Like I told best, I think my friend has such a level head and his love and devotion for God makes me believe that he will go very far, not only in his recovery but in life in general. Thanks again. Bless you.

[best]

Originally Posted by lisahhh

and then he is most likely going to bible college after that.

I had a guy in my ministry classes that was a coke addict at one point in his life.
One day he said...Lord, I have had enough...Help me.
With that, he threw his coke out into the desert and never used again.

As for the year suggestion... it give us the time needed to find ourself and figure out what we want from life but it also give those around us the time to see we are serious about our recovery. It isn't a set in stone rule but more so the experiences seen over time that has worked for others. I can fake it for a few days or even a few months. Ask me to do something for a year and when my actions are true...I will last the year and more.
The suggestion is more of saying... actions over time tell the truth.