I have a problem with insecurity

[Katecan]

I've always struggled with insecurity. I'm always seeking attention and approval from others it seems, so I did a little research to try to figure this out. I will post more as I figure this out personally because I know it goes way back.

Insecurity

Do you feel insecure?
Well, if you do, you're not the only one!

Would it surprise you to know that most people feel insecure in one way or another? Many of us don't know it, some of us do. But, you know, God is there for us, and he's on our side.

Do people hide insecurity?

People hide their insecurity in many, many ways. The mind is full of self-defence mechanisms - it can be very creative indeed. Insecurity can turn us into someone we really are not.

For instance, someone who is life-and-soul of the party may well be that extrovert in order to keep an inner hurt from being discovered. It's a kind of camouflage, and it works like this: "If people don't see the real me, they cannot hurt the real me. If they upset the outer me, that's OK. But they won't because I'm the life and soul of the party."

Insecurity as a child?

There may be an "child" inside our emotional makeup; where part of our personality was trapped in childhood by a traumatic event - something that caused great emotional upset. It could be from a general lack of love in the formative years, which caused a stunting of the normal emotional development of a whole human being as God intended. Or it could be the trauma of an accident, or a violence, in which someone they loved and depended on was badly injured, or left the family, or died. Or it could have been a trauma to the child in the form of physical, emotional, mental or sexual abuse. These things can do terrible things to a young mind. Fortunately the mind of a child is resilient, and creates defence mechanisms to handle the insecurity caused. However, in many cases, it is as ineffective as putting a sticking plaster on a broken leg, so it never heals properly, and the person grows up with an imbalance in their personality.

Insecurity in other people?... or in you?

You probably recognise these things in people around you. But you may also be aware of these things in yourself. Are you insecure? How does your insecurity show itself?

But, what can we do about it? Some things look so impossible that we just learn to live with them. Live with our awkwardness, our difficulty with other people, or our bad reaction in certain situations.

The root of insecurity

It may well be that insecurity is the root of it. But we're afraid to look, afraid to face up to what lies behind it. We know of the "presenting problem" on the surface; but what is the root problem, what's at the bottom of it all? Maybe we don't know; maybe we do, but it's too frightening to look at it, or to talk about it with someone else. After all, we wouldn't want anyone else to know about where we hurt, do we?

Let me share something with you: God knows all about it. He always did. He knows, he understands, he feels your inner pain. And he wants to do something about it because He loves us.

We have to make the first move

God wants you to bring all your insecurity to him, and in your heart to give him all your pain, perhaps even from as far back as your childhood. You need to do this in prayer.

How should I pray? How do I do it?

Praying is important; but if you've never prayed before, how do you do it?

Well, just find somewhere where you can be by yourself and peaceful for a little while.

I'm going to tell you something now which is very important. Jesus loves you. This is not the boyfriend-girlfriend love - it's much more than that. His love is more than the greatest love you have ever felt so far, from anybody else, or for anybody else. His love is forever, it doesn't go away because he doesn't like you any more. The Bible tells us that God is Love. And Jesus was the reaching out of God's love to his people, to all of humanity that ever lived and ever will live on this earth.

So, close your eyes, and reach out in your mind to Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. Know that he loves you with the fullest love of the living God. He cannot help loving every one of us, because God Is Love. We have the ability to love each other because he loved us first. He put his love within us.

Perhaps you can visualise, in your mind's eye, Jesus standing there in front of you, his eyes full of love.
Tell Jesus how you feel

Talk to him in your thoughts, or out loud, it doesn't matter which. Tell him how you feel. Tell him all about it. I promise you, he is listening. Talk to him about your hurts, your fears, your insecurity, your shattered dreams, your successes, your joys. Whatever comes to you. Ask him to show you what to talk about.

This is praying.

The more you pray, the more you get to know God.

He would say:
"Trust in me.

"I am unfathomable, faithful from the first to the last. My love for you is so wide, so deep, so all-encompassing that you cannot imagine. I reach out to you with all my heart. I love you, my child.

"Whatever you do, however bad you feel, even if you shun me and turn your back on me, I will always love you. Even if you have done the most dreadful things, I still love you. I am the way, the truth and the life. I am the love that you seek. The love to heal your wounds, to bind up your inner hurts.

"Be encouraged - you are not alone. I am always with you. I knew you before you were born, when you were formed in your mother's womb. I know every step of your life, every minute, every second.

"Turn to me and I will comfort you. You cannot hide from me like you hide from other people. I see into your heart, and I understand. I know about your insecurity. Do not worry that I know this; be reassured, because I love you and want the best for you. I am here.

"I will not harm you - I came to set you free, free in your heart, free in your spirit. I yearn to bring you into my Kingdom, into my peace. Turn to me, let me in, and I will begin to heal you. There is no outer shell that you can wear that I cannot love through. Be at peace. Do not be afraid. I love you. I AM."

Insecurity - How does it affects us?

[best]

I remember the song and as I sing, my trust can grow in the Lord.

He has the whole world in His hands
The whole wide world in His hands
He has the whole world in His hands,
He has the whole world in His hands.


Nothing happens that the Lord does not know about.
He is my rock and my salvation.
Who shall I fear...Who shall I fear.

[Katecan]

I think I came up with some childhood insecurities that have been spilling into my adult life and causing me trouble.

I am the eldest daughter of four children. My Father (a policeman) left my Mother when I was 12 years old for another women. My mother was devasted and we, the children were her only consolers. She became suicidal and attempted serveral times and myself being the eldest ended up calling neighbors, ambulances, whom ever could help when this happened. This went on and off for years till I was 16. It's amazing she never went to treatment when I think about it now. Then one day she never came home after work. She moved to another city and left us. Both my parents were alcoholics, I should mention that important part. Anyways, neighbors had figured out we were alone and got in touch with some social network that came to our home. That's really all I remember of that part. They eventually tracked down our parents and I ended up living with my father and my other two sister's and brother moved to the city where my mother moved to. I did fail school that year due to missing so much of it.

I'll finish this tomorrow. I'm finding it tough to continue right now.

[Katecan]

con't.

I failed grade 7 and then lost interest in school because any friends I had moved on without me. I remember that being a terrible blow at the time. What happened next was constant fighting between our parents long distance over money, child custody etc...My father and his new wife today (she's only 8 yrs older then myself) moved into our family home. I remember the resentments I felt about her moving in and taking over the home. I didn't last long and ran away and started living with friends (many) for a few years till I eventually became pregnant with my daughter. I married the guy at 19, had another daughter 3 years later. I thought things were going okay, life was stabalizing for the first time ever, I was a perfectionist. Perfect home, carpet lines, perfect yard, I turned into a great cook learned on my own). Everything was opposite of my childhood. That was my goal until.......my own drinking career took off. It all started with work. I worked for a radio station in their sales department. Pretty good for a gal with hardly any education. I lied to employers though, told them I had an education. I played my roll perfect. Nobody was going to figure out where I came from. I was on guard. Many things happened to me after that. I got to good for my musician husband. I accused him of cheating on me. I was convinced he was. That eventually was a good reason to take my daughters (2 and 5) and leave him. I sure wasn't going to let him dump me. I saw what it did to my mother. Today, I don't think he ever was. It was all in my head. We're good friends today.

I re-married to my husband today. We had a son together and we raised my 2 daughters. Both in University doing ok. Like I said, I was always a perfectionist and pushed them both. Want my life to this day to look good to people. My son has played hockey since 5. He's a great player. Once again I pushed. He still at home (15 this August). When I think about my drinking, I held it at bay sort of till the kids got older. I thought they were ok now. Didn't need me so much. My marriage has always been rocky because I always think my AH is cheating or going to.

My mother and I really don't have any type of relationship. Never have since she left years ago. My father calls and visits occassionally. He's 2 provinces away. I have no relationship with my brother. I don't no where he is? My sister's all live in the same province as my father. They've had lives of turmoil, divorces, kids with multiple Dad's.

So, I guess, as I type away here, I understand my insecurities. I've always ran, hid from my past. I fear being left (abandoned). And my drinking helped me to forget and keep up with this charade of a life I've been living.

I can't do it any more. My drinking brought me to my knees. My Father in heaven was their to rescue me the moment that finally happened and he is encouraging me to start living for real. And this is where I start. Giving this honest post about my insecurities.

Kathy