Dear God are you there is me Butterfly-7.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Dear:God are you there is your Daughter ButterFly-7
How Much more longer must I hold on I know
you know everything before it happens, and
I know you see my struggles,my Pain,My weaknesses

I know you see the Battles, I confront but again,
How much more must I carry my Husband and his
Attitude,and stubbornest,& his destructed Behavior, which brings
upon me the only weight,when will he be the husband
he suppose to be,I know there are worst cases then
mines,I'm not complaining God,

when will the miracle happened,I feel tire, and weary,
I know you know how long I been carrying this cross
I know you know how we struggle financially,and I know
you know my situation,I haven't lost my Faith, but the
Load, & Burden, is getting to heavy,I feel like I'm about
to faint,& dismayed,and quit,& give up on everything

I know you don't give enough weight, that I cant handle
But you know my husband doesn't support me too much
Spiritually, or mentally, or emotionally,and yes I know
I look for all this, for not waiting, but would you still Help me,I know is
not in my time but your's,but I can't no more this is a
scream,& a cry out for help,I just can't no more, I know
you beared more than me,paying the price on the cross of
Calvary,But I'm not you Lord and I just want to drop the
towel,I can't no more,I know you know I could barely
carry my cross,and fight my Demons,but I also got to
fight my husband Battle,& demons,and then carry my
son and to top it of carry my 70 year old dad,I know you
know he never carry me,Abandon by my mother and
rejected by my family both sides of the family How

much more must I endure so much Pain, How much
more will my eyes see so much injustice be done,I know
you know Lord,How much more longer will I be like
Paul and sillas on this mentally and physical, and emotionally
Prison,Please Lord tell me How much more cause I know
you know I can't go on no more,I don't want to disgrace
you but the Emotionally Pain,& Mentally Battles. are
to much to Bare,I'm not strong enough to carry
so much weight or Burden,I know you know I just want
to run out on my Family,they wont listen they make my burden and weight to heavy,I know you know there Behaviors affect me,you know been after then trying to Guide them
keeping the family together,My husband I spect more from him and he is just such a mess,When How much more
most I wait I can't no more I know you know I want to just indulge on that first drink to make it go away Please God
Answer me through my friends at S.R. you It's all I got
and S.R It's my only save Haven, and support net,so Please
I beg you, and Ask you again, How much must I Wait so

I'll be waiting for your answer Dear God Until we meet again?????????

[1963comet]

You know I went through waiting on God myself. I cried and cried thinking that he just did not care about me.

I was homeless and lost everything. Was sitting in a laundry mate waiting on God to help me. And I had the thought that God wanted me to put myself with people that can help me. Because these people were not going to just walk in my life.

I believe that God works through people. It is how the bible was writen.

And you know what? My life got better because I looked for the help. I do believe that thought was from God.

[CarolD]

Adding my prayer for your comfort and peace

[sugarssweetpea]

Prayers for you Butterfly. Maybe you could start looking out for what God has for you & your son. Make sure you are staying in His will, that you are doing what God wants you to do. Pray for your husband & leave the changing of him up to God. God works through us not only in our words, but through our actions as well. I know that it will be hard, but give the burden of your husband to God. Let Him heal him. He is the only one who can. God does love you & care for you. I admire your honesty to Him. It is what he wants. He wants to hear from us. He knows how we are feeling & wants us to bring it to Him. Not only bring it to him, but GIVE it to him. I pray for God to give you the strength to get through this time, and the faith to trust in Him.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Originally Posted by 1963comet

You know I went through waiting on God myself. I cried and cried thinking that he just did not care about me.

I was homeless and lost everything. Was sitting in a laundry mate waiting on God to help me. And I had the thought that God wanted me to put myself with people that can help me. Because these people were not going to just walk in my life.

I believe that God works through people. It is how the bible was writen.

And you know what? My life got better because I looked for the help. I do believe that thought was from God.

u 1963comet, But the only people I came a
across are the leaders of the church and It's member
and they sure have a way of accepting people, meaning
if you summit to the leaders and all is dandy is that type
of conditional Love, and there advices having been of no Help, but thanx for your replying, I'm waiting to get my psychiatry appointment so I could get my medication see this is the problem

in church they have all this legalism stuff going on that
the last time I try sharing, all the lady Pastor said was you
don't need n medication there is nothing wrong with you
when God knows, and I know, that there is I'm Bipolar

if the master hasn't heal me he knows why? so they can see
through anything else but what the Bible says
and I feel like I'm
drowning little, by little, trying to show them that there is nothing wrong, or been accept by them when I act the way they want me to, is like they say that they don't judge
and that know one changes no one in church, but there actions, and behaviors, and looks,& coolness are way different.
God Help me is like when I was summiting to them and saying yes to every thing thats when I was accepted and giving rewards but when I fall short out of the hands of God
and star getting my own Identity back, and think for my self, is like this distance relationship and Hi! in church and thats about it where is the love of God in them, or there understanding, or tolerance,
may God Help me cause I'm about to live the church and I'm about to loose my mind I fell so lonely on this journey

and to carol thanx Honn for your Prayers& support there are much need lt

and to sugarsweetpea,you sound just like something the Pastor mite say
Please don't get me wrong, I know you mean well but thats just the-
problem I can even do what I got to do for me, and I'm going to do God's
will, when you say his will what dos it mean, I'm sorry I been through so
many legalism churches that what I was though was don't have a life of your own, and just live for God that to me sounded kind of selfish I can't

even do what I got to do for my self I'm practically taking baby steps
It's like do's God specks me to do allot, or doing his will is what not falling short, or obeying him,because if thats the case he knows I fail him everyday with my attitude,thinking,behavior,so you see thats the problem
I can't be my self in church, and show my true colors, with out someone pointing the finger, or sailing me all this scarring advices,and messages of punishment,
I came from a world of enough shame,and guilt, I love God but he, and I, know that I could only go my paste, and sometimes I just shut down on Him,so dos that makes me any less of a Christian or will he punish me
when I cant fined ed in my heart to do his will, or obey him,

and you said he works through us with our actions as well, well Hon
my actions honestly they are very poor, I have Anger issues
Mental Issues,traumas of child hood, and I don't know how to love unconditionally,specially when the man that you love docent appreciate you
and calls you all type of disrespectful names,I'm sorry I'm only human is easy said than done please don't get me wrong I'm just expressing what I feel I can't do this in church talk or express my self in this manner I'm praying to God so I could find a church were the leaders are well prepare
and knowledgeable,to Help people like me with my type of condition

Thanx sugarsweetpea for listening.

[anvilhead]

butterfly - sometimes when our lives are all jumbled we can do ourselves a favor and seek out some professional help, a counselor, someone we can trust fully to help us sort thru things. these people can be God's eyes and ears in the flesh, to listen to us, to SEE us and to stand with us until we are steady on our feet...........

for those of with religious affiliation, CHURCH should be a place of solace, a safe place to commune with others and feel more connected spiritually. right now it doesn't sound like this church is offering that to you.........there's too much conflict and confusion for you right now.....

how about working at simplifying your life? put down some of the burdens, step away from some of the conflicts, reach out for help and find your way again.........

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Anvilhead you cound't had putt it i a better way
you took the thoughs right out of my mind cause I just
finish speaking to my husband about that and guess what
God Dear Lord Jesus he Understood so yeah,God is
working it out

and I'm schedule for 5-28-008 to see my psychiatry
so I could be done a valuation on my Mental, and emotional,
condition I don't go to church to seek attention, nor acceptance,
but Spiritual Healing, and to grow through the word of God
but I guess God dos speak to people through people in many other ways until you are ready to Get to that Level.

[anvilhead]

just take it EASY ok? i can't help but think of one of the few passages from the Bible that has always stuck with me:

BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

i think God is saying, Hey Butterfly, slow down, let Me catch up with ya!!!

peace darlin.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

God works in mysterious ways
that same Phrase of the Bible is the one
that continuously runs through my mind for the pass years

I'm sorry but this is no coincidence God is using you Girl
to consul me God Bless you,Thanx U God already Answer me
through this Phrase.

[Japic05]

((Butterfly-7))

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

I take this versus as my God's reassurance that He has a plan for each of us - an INDIVIDUAL plan.

A plan for me and a plan for you - for good things full of Hope and a Future. I truly believe that this Loving God has also provided us tools in this world to make it thru the unhealthy things that surround us.

My belief is that sometimes we need professionals that have those tools to help us make it thru these paths to make it to the Path of Healthy Living that our God has planned for us.

I am not a professional in mental issues or in religious couseling - these are just my personal beliefs - I believe that the God of my understanding wants us to find help thru the dark times in our lives to find a way to learning to live a life Happy, Joyous and Free.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

[sugarssweetpea]

Butterfly - I too have an appointment to see my doctor next thursday. I am looking for a med like zoloft or something of the sort. I struggle with anxiety, depression & anger/rage as well. For a long time at church, I felt like I could not be myself. I am finally coming to the point where I can. I am learning what to share with whom. I cannot share all of my issues with everyone all of the time. I am seeking & finding people that I can. Those are my friends. Those are who keep me coming back to the church. I did not mean to come off hard on you or to say that you are doing things wrong. God knows your heart. He knows that you want to obey Him. The desire to live for Him is there. We are human, & we are not going to change overnight. We just need to let Him keep working in us & learn from our mistakes. Ask for forgiveness. I fall short every day. Pretty much every minute if you ask me, but I do not think God sees me that way. When I ask for forgiveness, I am forgiven. My slate is washed clean with the blood of Jesus. I fall short every day, that is why I need Jesus. We all do. What I was talking about with your husband is that when I try to change my husband & get mad at the things he is or is not doing as he is supposed to be the spiritual leader in the house, it makes things worse. When I pray about them, God works in him. I do not know how bad things are for you at home & that is another place you need to search the scriptures to find God's will. I pray that you find peace in your life, with your husband, and in a church. May God bless you & your obedience to Him. I see you as being obedient. I see you as crying out to Him for help. That is what we are supposed to do. I am very thankful that I got to talk to you on this message board. Please keep coming here & sharing. I may not always have replies to give to you, but please know that you are on my heart & in my prayers.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

You Guy's you'll making me cry,I wish I could
Yawl all at ones, japic05 you are tool Man cause I ask God
to Answer me Las night, when I posted this thread
and he did through You, & Anvilhead, & sugarsweetpea,
sugarsweetpea I know you didn't miss lead me on your thread
I just can't take out of my head the way the Pastor Lady is
so Disciplinary and control if,

Oh I forgot to Inform you Guy's I woke up today and there was
a massage on my voice mail it was my Husband,I can't believe it
I want to cry as I write this last peace of the thread,on how God move
on my behalf to touch my Husband he left me a Beutiful message
it's all I ever want it to here He was Apoligising for his rudely destrutive
behavior,and it sound it as he want it to cry,Wow there is a God

cause nothing could ever make him see the light,that's all for now
Tune in Until Next Time

[best]

My favorite Psalm... God hears our every prayer.

Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Thanx best actually we had a service done at my house
yesterday and I had spoke on my favorite,man of God
King David that I could identified with him in many aspect
of his Life I spoke that no matter How much love he
had for God he was very fleshy or Carnal,and how many
weakness he had he was a Homicide, adulterers, and so on

But he had his Heart conform to the Heart of God
now that's deep I can't understand Why?But he did
thanx for the Psalm,I guess that raps it up for today
God has heard my Cry,
cause look at all the help he has send me
since I posted this thread,God Bless you Brother in the love
of christ.

[1963comet]

Your spirits seem so much better, I am soooo happy.

Let us know how the doctor appointment works out.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Sure Don't worry and by the way for your support as well
I will keep all of you "Worriers of God" posted and inform on my visit
to the psychiatry Doc, Please Help me pray so they wont lock me up-

because the last time I spoke to a shrink was in 2004, and he turn
every thing around on me, and told the director that I said I was-
hearing voices and they lock me up on a loony Ben for two days
I don't like psychiatry, and they don't like me : rof He lie I never told him
that, I said that when I'm around to many people weather on the Bus,
or train, I get paranoid that I bee thinking that they are going to
do me something, Please don't misinterpreted what I just
told you,I know and I confess I'm Heal by the Blood of the
Lamb,because by his strip&wound I was Heal,God Bless

[sugarssweetpea]

I get the same feelings sometimes. I have a habit of thinking of the worst case scenario that might happen when I am somewhere with a lot of people. I really have to work on not doing that as I do not mean to judge people, but with the way things are today, you also have to be very careful & aware. I sometimes also have issues with noise. Some days I can have 10 noisy things on at once, other days two people talking at the same time is too much. I find those to be my anxiety ridden days. I will continue to pray for you & your doctors appt. Please pray for mine on Thurs as well. I am going to the ob/gyn doctor for a yearly exam (which has been almost 2 years) & they are going to assess me for medication as well as I told them that I have issues with depression & anxiety.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Don't you Worry Child of God I'll be for you and the
Hall S.R. site,I have to do a ob/gyn check up too But first thing is first,God Bless you Girl.

[wilbsoon]

Butterfly-7,
I too am a church fellow. My wife and I have been helping out at a church and getting involved in "management". One thing I have learnt over the years is the church folk are just like you and me, "SINNERS". Whether it be a pastor, deacon, paid worker, volunteer, they are people and have their problems like you and me. Don't be too harsh on them all, for they may be great at "faking it" but like everyone of us they fail on a daily basis when it comes to the example Jesus set for us. I too have to daily repent and accept grace for I am one screwed up unit. I long for the day when it is all over but what an awesome ride. Don't forget your story of praying with the pastor who joined you and shared in you and your husbands prayers straight to the Lord. We are all works in progress and when He sees fit we will get there. But not without gloryfying him on the way through all our dramas that we must trust him with no matter how grim it looks. Otherwise where would His glory be if we overcame that which anyone could overcome. It would be our own strength that saved the day, instead of us going, "wow, I am so out of my depth only God could have done this."

God Bless you girl,
Wilbsoon.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

u Brother wilbsoon for your support on strength, and Hope,
so answer me this why dos my Blood Boils in the Spirit
when I see Leaders not living up to the Word of God,and having
favoritism with there Blood line Family, I belief that you practice, or
live, what you preach you can't clean my House if your's is Dirty
and where is the example our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ show
us and Left on this God's Green Earth I know my eyes have
to be put on Jesus but there is so much corruption in
the churches now in days it effects me and saddens me in a very
Bad way that I cry, and if I cry, I know Jesus Cry's, whats Going to
Happen to the Body of Christ is defected How can we Heal the lame
and the sick, and the cripple in spirit, if we are Playing church
were is the Love that the Apostle Paul spoke about in 1 Corinthians 13-Please Help me understand,the corruption in the church cause I
can't understand It saddens my Spirit.