Healthy Boundaries from "us"...?

[Mercedes1]

I have been struggling with healthy boundaries. I am at the point considering the passage ..."flee all appearances of evil" as not just external evils to us...you know..bar scenes, selfish indulgences, vulgar language, acts of violence, crime...white lies. Relationships of "un"-integrity.

How about appearances of evil in us?

I have found this freeing. I get confused when it comes to boundaries with relationships. We are told to love (even if they don't love us).. forgive (even if they don't forgive us)..endure, not hold record of wrong. Ok...then why when I approach a certain someone that wronged me...I try all these things..acceptance, tolerance..not tooting my own horn..but then old "evils" resurface..not in her (the person that wronged me)..ME.

Old behaviors like resentment, jelousy, self-doubt, confusion, projection, digression..you name it. I found myself FIGHTING these defects of my character to do the next right thing. I questioned why these resurfaced if I was trying to forgive, etc. I continued the friendship with this person because I thought if I forgave her..that was expected. But remember, she never apolgoized..she feels she did nothing wrong and continues to project the same behavior towards me.

I came to realize that accepting her doesnt mean I have to accept behavior not right for myself (after all, why did God teach me to handle conflict a certain way if I was to live the results of a relationship of someone who didnt? But shouldnt I have too if I forgave her and left her to her space (didnt judge, etc.)?

Although I can't Make this person see this...I don't have to partake in the aftermath of unproductive choices.

So..no surprise when I try to be around this person it brings out the bad in me. I feel this is an example of living the fruits of wrong choices. I made the right choice on my side..but relationships take 2. To continue to be friends with this person in the same context before..hanging out, reaching out..I am putting myself unhealthy circumstances. When we sin, it effects everyone around you.


f feel this is a sign to look at what happens to YOU in certain situations..No relationship should be hard to love God's way. So I feel this particular relationship is God's way of saying I need to back off for me. Not just by what she did but by how I become as a result.

You see, I was feeling guilty to walk away from her. But I have too. Signs are not just what she did (my judgement is based on knowing what it did to me..not judging her)..but now it is how I become.

The old me would feel guilty for feeling jelous, etc. I would feel I need to love her more than..its my fault. But the reason now I feel this is because there is no healing. She doesnt live in a healthy communication with me which started the whole thing. So in order for me to grow..I need to break off from trying to keep a friendship that is met with a wall.

The indicator was myself. When I back off I have serenity. I am not running from conflict but facing it as long as my spiritual fitness is right in God's eyes.

Friendship is not always defined by calling every week and hangining out. I can still be this person's friend..but don't have to be close friends if the boundaries make me uncomfortable when I get close.

Another way to look at Healthy Boundaries.

[best]

As the crowd gathered around and some wanting to through Jesus off the side of the cliff... Jesus walked away.
He did not fight back, he did not tell them off...He just stepped away from those who were wanting to do evil.

As for forgiving others... Forgiving does not mean we need invite them to dinner. To forgive another is to harbor no ill will against them.
Cory Ten Boone tells a story about forgiveness. When she was at a point that she didn't feel she could forgive another... She put out the actions of forgiveness but ask the Lord to provide the needed love in her heart to do the forgiving. If you want to read some good stories about forgiveness... Her book the Hiding Place is a good place to start.

[IO Storm]

Also..in AA we ask for the willingness to be willing....

Or we can pray "Lord, I am powerless over this..help me to be willing to be willing."

If we step aside..He can then perform a miracle.