confession's of the heart

[BUTTERFLY-7]

let us pray I have 2 talk about it because if I don't I mite just fall in too temptation about a month ago the same aproxitmaly storm visit our home it star it with my husband not understanding me enough or been support it or patience or sensetive 2 my disease both BIPOLAR AND ADDICTION I been in a journey of up's and down's . some where in too my been back in church reconcielyn'g with the LORD somewhere along the line I grew in many area's of my journey even do my worth's subject is emotionally pain in this gift call life or(school of life)but I know I grew mentally,emotionally a little and spiritually alot my husband however stuck somewhere along the line he is a great financial provider when he proposes in his mind and heart 2 b there he carrie's it out the roll of a husband and friend when he fall's short out of his marritual dutie's he disconnect's from reality I try been patience and understanding and support it but is scarry because when this event manifest it self in our life everybody well I'm alway's there but he doen't give me no choice he pushes me away that I have no choice but 2 Isolate and is such and iscruchiating feeling of loneliness and when that happens that I feel neglected or lonelie with out not knowing what's going on with him he shut's down and dosen't come home he b at his parent's house everytime he fall's into that pattern of Isolation.then there come's those dream's to me it has happened twice dreaming about my ex-boyfriend and it is funny because here I'm feeling guilty about my dream of my ex and just last night I heard my husband talking in his dram's to whom or what I don't but this is what came out of his mouth u'r beutiful u'r beutiful girl's and put his lip's together and star it making kiss sound's I was so hurt and angry cause here I'm listening to this remind u he was still sleep I was going 2 wake him up and just go crazy on him but I felt the voice of the holy spirit telling me wait unto he is fully awake thank GOD 4'R HIS MERCYNESS cause only GOD know's the hell that was abuot 2 happenned I confronted him he dennied it and got mad at me and 4'r the pass 3 day's his benn acting out my confession is that everytime we go trough this rolacoster of dr. jekil and mr hide I get vist's from hell it's self of those dreams of my ex-boyfriend and in the dream is so real is like our luv and feeling's and emotion's are so strong that I want 2 run 2 him this man i've met in the ending of 2005 I was single and a back slider but sober I had just land it a job in the fashion INDUSTRIE that's what I do best is create fahion make people look good I met him and I must confess felt head over heal's 4'r him I luv this man verry much but I guess he wasn't ready 4'r commitment and he was trap in and emotionally pain of losing his only brother 4'r a girl his brother felt in luv with some chicken head and the young girl star it messimg around with another individual I guess u could call it luv triangle and my ex-boyfriend brother found out I don't really know 2 much cause he never talk 2 much about it and the other guy kill his brother it suck's but that's life and I felt the need like a-codepended that I'm 2 help him 2 b there 4'r him but there where time's he will just shut me down out of his world and call me when he want it 2 see me I felt like and escort girl GOD HELP ME don't judge only GOD know's why I'm dunmping all this 2 the ta ble man I never taugh I will write this much junk is been in my trunck 4' 2 long I need 2 give this 2 GOD because like I said I'm not afraid of the devil or the storm's I'm afraid ofME!!! I'm my wort's ennemie by the way that guy his mom is christian we lost touch around tbe beggining of the summer of 2006 and I guess I move on but I don't think honestly I never stop loving him GOD 4'R GIVE ME anyway I met my future husband whom I been 4'r 1 and 6 month out of those six month 2 in marriage and it is just my luck that where we move 2 is right around where my ex-boyfriend work's or we are goin 2 make a year living here last spring we move here and it just happened that I saw john last summer already living here with my at that time boyfriend who is my husband now I had landed it a job around the same area I met my ex-boyfriend john and just my luck I was standing out side my job and he came up 2 me and grab my hand but then is like he did and didn't want 2 stay 2 long MAY GOD HELP ME now I live right around his job OH GOD HELP ME cause only GOD know's my battle's of TEMTATION'S and it seem's that I dream about him right when my husband neglet's me or shuot's down on me I dream a bout JOHN last night it was so real please any feed back's I will apreciated MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON ME BUT THIS IS WHAT I'M confronting and I tell u I'm not strong enough write about now I no I should b a loyal faithfull wife and GOD know's I've been but he also know's my weekness please read this and don't judge just help this tire and about 2 give up soul

[IO Storm]

Butterfly..

I replied to you on your other thread.

I too am Bipolar. It is very important for yu to keep a clear head now under stress and

carefully monitor your meds. Take exactly as prescribed by your physician..in fact, it

might be a good idea to call and make an appointment now to have a chat with them.

My doctor asks me to call her if any major stressors come up in my life.

:

IO

[BUTTERFLY-7]

but I dont have health inssurance of any kind I'm not a resident of this country