Self Will

[22NGONE]

:wtf2I have a conflict going on within myself that I thought I would post here, I'm sure it's a matter of concentrating on myself not others but I feel the need to air this resentment here for comments/chastizement.

I pray every day to overcome my self will, my self will to run my own life, my self will not get divorced and give up on 22 years of marriage, my self will to say screw it she's leaving anyways, have a beer...

But the thing is my wife is a Christian and is/has been working the 12 steps longer than me for an eating disorder. It nags at me constantly this morning that why is her self will not given up? Why does her self will survive and it's divorce no matter what, no counseling, no nothing.

She came back from an hour and a half meeting with my Minister yesterday and not one word.

I can't help but feel naive sometimes but I pray I am not.

Any help appreciated please,

John

[sweetpea40]

Do not worry about things...Worry is of Satan....Why worry about tomorrow..Tomorrow will worry about itself...Keep that in mind and have faith that God will heal you. Jesus never changes...He healed the blind, the paralyzed, the dead, and he can heal you if you put your faith in him.
May God Bless your family and you,
Stay Strong in the Lord and your self doubt will disappear,
Machele

[22NGONE]

One additional note for any comments, I discussed my conflict with my wife this morning when she asked me what's bother me. Her answer to me is that it is not her self will, "God is telling me to divorce you." Where do I go with that? I guess nowhere but it really hurts. Gotta call my sponsor now.

[sugarssweetpea]

I would ask her which scripture in the Bible she is using to back that statement up. God is very specific in the bible how He feels about divorce & under which circumstances he deems it acceptable.

[TDinATL]

Hi John,

I don't want to step out of line here but I've read my bible cover-to-cover and there are many, many scriptures about keeping marriages together.

Can't get much more straight forward than this:
Mal. 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the Lord."

In some cases a divorce is a must, but God has never told anyone to get a divorce and he never will. I'm normally not this point blank with things but I don't like God being used as a scapegoat in a situation.

That being said, I'm in the process of a divorce from my wife. She has an alcohol problem and there were plenty of other issues in the marriage. We've been married 9 years and I asked, pleaded and begged her to go to counseling and she refused. She told me "We don't need counseling, you just need to learn to listen to me better."

The last time she came home drunk was enough. We'd separated before and we'd always tried to reconcile, usually from my begging. I really wanted my marriage to work, especially as a Christian and knowing that God hates divorce. Each time we separated and I thought there was no way we could work it out I'd ask God "How do you know when to say when?" Something always told me to hold on, try just one more time.

This most recent time he answered me, he gave me a release, a calm in knowing that it was time. I'm sure he doesn't like it, I'm sure he isn't telling me to divorce, but I do feel he's seen the effort put in and is allowing it to happen and helping to ease my grieving in the process.

I know that God hates divorce, the bible is clear on that - and he would never tell someone to get a divorce. As far as the second part, I can't back this up with scripture but have a strong feeling on this from my personal relationship with God.

John, I've just prayed for you and your wife. For God's hand upon you, for his will to be done, for truth and peace. Amen.

[toad]

Acceptance is the answer to serenity.

read page 449 third edition......page 417 fourth edition

[cmc]

The phrase 'self will' in my mind refers to being stubborn or selfish. I'm wondering if what you describe as self will is perhaps more of a self protective thing on her side of the fence.

I have had to separate myself from a few situations that were tearing me down, and some of those involved fellow Christians who caused me harm. That was not an act of self will but it was what God told _me_ to do in order to live safely and in peace.

I can't control what somebody else feels, thinks or does. I can control myself and I can choose to obey God. The kind of love that comes from Him does not hold resentments. No matter what somebody else does to me I am instructed to still love and forgive them. That does not mean that #1. they will love me back or #2. I will feel loving towards them or # 3. I need to let them hurt me.

I will pray for you both.

[best]

My "self" will always gets me into trouble.
As for my relationship with my wife... When things start out...I want... I can get myself into trouble real quick.

God's will is what I must seek.

How does the Lord want me to act?
How does the Lord want me to treat others?


It is written.... If you love me, you will follow my commandments.

How is a husband to treat his wife? Like Christ treats His church. He gave his life for His church. I should be doing the same... give up my will in a manner that I treat others with total love as Christ does for us.


We are to love our enemies.
Well when my stinking thinking starts up, I can become my own enemy.
So I should love myself as well.
Drinking and doing harm to myself is not an act of love towards myself.

If there is a control issue with my drinking...again...Giving up my own self is the answer.

I have a problem.
I can't control the problem.
Give up my struggle by letting the Lord fight this battle with me and for me.
Lord...Help me.

And with our asking, the Lord will fill us with His strength to get past the battle before us.
When I can't...He can and will with our asking.

[trooper913]

We as husbands have obligations. The onle biblical means for divorce is when someone cheats. Only other seperation is death. Which one can re-marry. The one whom cheats cannot re-marry. it is all in the bible if ya look deep enough. I refuse to spout out verses cause that is a game I gon't play. But if you seek it you'll find it.

Troop

[Lily]

Originally Posted by trooper913

We as husbands have obligations. The onle biblical means for divorce is when someone cheats. Only other seperation is death. Which one can re-marry. The one whom cheats cannot re-marry. it is all in the bible if ya look deep enough. I refuse to spout out verses cause that is a game I gon't play. But if you seek it you'll find it.

Troop

I haven't read the one who cheats cannot re-marry. I haven't even read the one who is abandoned can re-marry. It only says they are no longer bound. I am glad I am not in that situation though. I feel for those who are.

[trooper913]

People can and do re-marry. I.E. free will- I am thankful I am not there either. God accepts us where we are at. No longer bound means that we are still christians yet can move forward if we so choose to do so.