40 days & 40 nights

[fifty]

Hello to all....

this is my first post in this thread to you my fellow Christians. I wanted to write my thoughts down because I have been having some very unique experiences regarding my spirituality in becoming sober. Today marks the 6th day of my sobriety. It's been a very unique experience during this season of Lent. I have found myself praying often daily and praying on top of that to get me through the day and moreover, my changing emotions throughout the day. I am constantly reminded of how Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights in the desert alone with temptation. My temptation/devil was known as Vodka and though the days/nights are long, I continue to walk with the sand beneath my feet. I look forward to the 40th day and to be able to look back at my growth and what old habits I have shed and what new, more healthy habits I have gained.

I figure it this way.....if sobriety is going to be my cross than I can do one of three things:
1) Like some of the disciples I can refuse the cross and run away
2) Do like Simon of Cyrene and be forced to take it up and carry it

OR

3) Do like Jesus and willingly accept and embrace it and move on.

I'm willingly accepting it my friends although circumstances of repetitive behavior that just didn't work seemed to make me look at myself and make that change. Today has been hard as with many but there is absolute hope in prayer and with reminding and keeping things around you that make you happy, that make you smile.

I guess I'm rambling now but I just felt a certain 'push' from above, that I've been feeling for days now, to sign on here and say "hello". I get a warm sensation around me and before typing any of this, in all honesty, I fell to my knees in front of my picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and began to cry. For the first time, without a 'foggy mind', I was able to open up my heart and pray words to the Lord as if speaking to a close friend. It's made me feel alot better and I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with you all. Keep up all hope and faith! Here come the tears again......but now they are tears of joy.

De 9:11 And it came to pass at the end of forty DAYS and forty nights, that the LORD gave me the two tables of stone, even the tables of the covenant.

Much love to you all!! If you need anything please let me know....

I walk in his steps....the tail of my cross following in the groves of sand pushed aside by his...

Fifty

[toad]

I pray that you make 40 days and 40 nights sober. What are your plans on day 41? I used to set goals for length of sobriety and from my own experience, I have discovered that I was setting myself up for failure. I set a goal of six months one time and after I achieved it I had no defense against the first drink. I lived this way for 25 years never being able to stay sober a year.

Today I take it one day at a time realizing that at any moment I am one drink away from a drunk. I go to AA meetings to hear what works with other alcoholics, and I share when possible.......I work the 12 steps as a planned program of action. This change in attitude has allowed me by the grace of God to stay completely clean and sober for over 9 years. I don't want to go back to the way it was.....thanks for letting me share.

[cmc]

Hello fifty,
Welcome to SR! I hope you will continue to come around to share and get to know all the great people on this forum.

if sobriety is going to be my cross

I'm curious as to why you see sobriety as a cross to bear...isn't just the opposite more of a burden? There is a way to survive and even thrive despite haveing a disease such as alcoholism. I hope you will keep searching for true freedom from the disease but sobriety is a blessing not a curse to suffer through.
God bless you.

[fifty]

thanks for both of your replies. First off let me address the question that toad asked regarding what I'm planning on doing for day 41. I have been in the habit of planning things in big chunks for the 'future'. Thus, I have not really been living in the moment or minute by minute and truly enjoying the joys of the world. So that's what I'm learning to do now. So I don't have any plans for day 41. I am trying not to make plans for anything but to just go with the motion and 'changing tides' so to speak.

Now to CMC. I guess I chose the "sobriety as a cross to bear" as a metaphor. My sobriety is something I have had to pick up and I am going to have to bear through it. It's tough, like today. I have not slept at all for 6 days. It's wearing me thin now both mentally and physically. I am upset at a lot of things. But I'm going to bear through it all and make it. Understand?

I think that I'm realizing a lot of new things for myself which I've been putting off and ignoring by using alcohol as an escape device. And I think I'm allowing it to overwhelm me. But you're right, I shouldn't look at it as a burden. That's my next step....

Any suggestions on switching my focus/feelings from it being a burden to something more 'less laborsome'?

take care all!

Fifty

[sugarssweetpea]

Hello & welcome fifty. Prayer is a good place to start. Take every thought of alcohol captive & turn it over to Jesus. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!! I have been sober for 6 years & just came to the realization within the last 6 months that I was what is known as a "dry drunk". Sober, but still going through the motions of life as if I was still drinking, only not. Still have anger issues, control issues & food addiction issues. I realized then, that I had not truely given my burdens to Jesus. I am working on that now through a program called Celebrate Recovery. It is a christian program. I am working it outside of meetings right now (I am trying really hard to make it to one +) with a friend of mine that has been through a year long program. I started working in the 4 books that go along with the program. Celebrate Recovery is based on 8 principles that are based on the beatitudes along with the 12 steps that have scripture verses along with them. I have also started reading out of the life recovery bible. I really like this program. I pray that you can get yourself into a program (celebrate recovery, AA, etc) before the 40 days are up so that you can better prepare yourself for day 41. Prayer is being lifted up for you.

[best]

Welcome to the forum fifty. It is always nice to see another in Christ come along.

AA says One day at a time.

hmmmm

seems I read that someplace else as well?

Oh yes...

Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The 40 days pass one day at a time. Enjoy each day to the fullest. Sober I find I truly can.

[fifty]

Originally Posted by best

Welcome to the forum fifty. It is always nice to see another in Christ come along.

AA says One day at a time.

hmmmm

seems I read that someplace else as well?

Oh yes...

Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The 40 days pass one day at a time. Enjoy each day to the fullest. Sober I find I truly can.

Well first thanks SugarSweetPea. "Celebrate Recovery is based on 8 principles that are based on the beatitudes along with the 12 steps that have scripture verses along with them. I have also started reading out of the life recovery bible." I'm going to have to look into celebrate recovery because I am into the beatitudes. Also, I am in AA meetings right now and someone brought the book the Life Recovery Bible. I will be making that purchase tomorrow at my local Christian book store. Seems like I've picked up a new hobby; collecting Bibles....that's not a bad thing. I also collect crosses...anyways thanks for the suggestions.

Now, here is the kicker. Everyday I am finding that someone will post a quote that I just read; Matthew 6:34. Yes Best....I love that quote! And it's so true, step by step, moment by moment, day by day. If I truly live like this I'm sure I will start to realize all the 'small things' in the world I've been allowing to pass by me b/c I've been worried about the future and the 'big picture'.

Thanks so much you all, this has brought so much comfort to me.

Many blessings!!

Fifty

[fifty]

Well, a very good friend of mine sent me a passage that sums up everything that I'm going through during these 40 days and 40 nights and I wanted to share it with you all. Also, this is my 11th day of being sober and I already feel a world of difference. God Bless you all and prayer does change things!

*clears his throat* And I quote........

"Notice carefully how the process took place through those years of desert learning, because it is the same with you and me. God must break through several hard, exterior barriers in our lives before He can renovate our souls. His persistent goal is to break through to the inner person. As David acknowledged, "Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).

What are those resistant layers in our hearts, and how does He break through to that hidden part? First, He finds pride. And He uses the sandpaper of obscurity to remove it ever so gradually.

Then He finds us gripped by fear---dread of our past, anxiety over our present, and terror over what may lie ahead---and He uses the passing of time to remove that fear. We learn that things aren't out of hand at all; they're in His hand.

He next encounters the barrier of resentment---the tyranny of bitterness. He breaks down that layer with solitude. In the silence of His presence, we gain a fresh perspective, gradually release our cherished rights, and let go of the expectations that held us hostage.

Finally, He gets down to the basic habits of living, he penetrates our inner person, and there He brings discomfort and hardship to buff away that last layer of resistance. Why? So that He might renovate us at the very core of our being.

Reach for the hand of your Guide! He is Lord of the desert. Make that your desert. The most precious object of God's love is His child in the desert. If it were possible, you mean more to Him during this time than at any other time. You are as the pupil of His eye. You are His beloved student taking his toughest courses. While testing you, He loves you with an infinite amount of love.

Jesus walked through the desert first. He felt its heat. He endured its loneliness. He accepted its obscurity. He faced down Satan himself while the desert winds howled. And you can be sure He will never, ever forget or forsake the one who follows Him across the sand." - Insight For Living

And thus friends, I am being reworked in all of these ways.

God Bless.....thanks for reading!

Fifty

[CAPTAINZING2000]

hard to even imagine isn't it?

[IO Storm]

Hey Fifty!

I am a Christian..a raging alkie and an addict..recovered by the mighty hand of the

Redeemer..by Grace and Mercy.

And a solid AA' er.

You know..there is a lot to be learned in the desert...I live there..literally that is.

A dry place..an unforgiving and hostile place..a lot of earthquakes we are having down

here ...30 of them last month!

Also a heartbreaking beautiful place at times..at night..you can drive out and see just

stars and hills...nothing else. Mild winters..and oases in the dry places.

When it does rain..the spring makes the desert bloom.

You can find solitude in the desert...you can think..clear your head..and meet your

Maker. Head on. Face to face.

My best to you Fifty, on your Journey.

I relapsed six times..and my God has seen fit to remake this vessel into something

wholly new this time. I am letting Him. Maybe that is the key for me....

Prayers and Love,



IO

[fifty]

IO Storm, great description of the desert. I am in Los Angeles and thank heavens we haven't had an earthquake......just lots of rain. Anyhow, it's great to know that you, I, as well as others are being 'reconfigured', no matter how many times it takes.

God Bless....

5~Fifty~0

[IO Storm]

Oh yes...and if you are faithful, Fifty...your clothes will not wear out...you will have food

for the day..(maybe not manna and quail..lol)..you will be led by His voice in the day and

in the dark night. You will find water when you are "thirsty".

Blessings