Would anyone ever consider

[sugarssweetpea]

Would anyone consider or does anyone let their 2 & 4 year olds play outside by themselves? I have a hard time with that & my husband says that I need to give them the boundaries of where they can go & let them go out by themselves. He says that I need to give them more freedom & is blaming me for their whining. I try so hard to do everything "right" for them & we (my husband & I) are just so different in parenting. I want to spend time with my children. I enjoy them. He comes in from work or even sometimes in the afternoon for lunch, barely talks to them & them watches t.v. turning it up to hear it if they are trying to talk to him or me while he is watching. This to him is normal. If they are not doing what he wants to do, then forget it. He does not want to spend time with them. I am just really having a hard time with our differences lately, especially when it comes to our children.

[ANGELINA243]

Absolutely not--there is too much that can go wrong! They have a much greater chance of getting hurt, kidnapped, hit by a car, etc. if left to go play outside on their own. I would consider that to be a form of child neglect.

[NoMoBeer]

Unfortunately, we do not feel safe enough to let any of our kids play outside alone, well -- maybe my 13 year old!

It is sad, I can remember when I was a kid (what seems like a long time ago) -- I rode my bike everywhere, around the block to my friends' houses, to the 5 and 10 store to buy baseball cards, wherever. Now I feel like I must protect my children constantly.

And it is not just the predators of the world, it is the teenager late for work, texting as he drives, or the gal who only had 2 glasses of wine on her way home from work... it seems that the world has gotten more crowded (it has), drivers more careless and more reckless and yes, sadly we have the pedophiles and predators out there as well...

Set the boundaries, pray for your kids, but do your part and protect them as well.... just my 2 cents.

NMB

[CAPTAINZING2000]

you didn't mention if you had a fence around your yard.

Do you live in town?

[best]

At 4 years old I was tunneling under the 6 foot high fence.
At 5 years old I started learning how to climb over it.
At 6 years old, I would plan the great escape as I learned how to not only get past my mom's eyes in the window but the lady across the street as well.
My terrible twos lasted right up through me finding recovery a few years back.

I agree with your husband's idea of letting them find the boundaries by consequences BUT... at their ages I still say they need eyes on them 59 seconds of every minute.

[sugarssweetpea]

Captain,
I do not have a fence nor do I live in town. My 4 yr old is a very responsible 4 yr old. He is about as responsible as a 4 yr old can be. BUT I agree with you all about not staying inside while they are outside. I sometimes will work in the yard, mowing the lawn or pulling weeds while they are playing. I am comfortable with that as I can keep my eye on them. We will have to just agree to disagree & I am not going to step down on this. The most I let them do is play on the screened in porch while I am inside. I have a window in my living room that looks out onto it. My husband & I talked more about it today & he said that he & his brother used to play outside by themselves when they were 5 & 1 or so. I told him, yes but times are different now & there also comes a time when you have to decide if you want to raise your children the right way or how you were raised. Anyway, I am going to try to get them outside more. I will have to suck it up & go as well. (I am not an outside person, but will do it for them).

[angelgirl]

Hey sug,, I struggle with this same issue.. I always have. I also have a few friends that also struggle with the same thing. Now please understand, I am in NO way bashing anyone, or any sex here, I just want to explain what I think, or my point of view in what I have experienced, and seen.

My husband has always been the same way.. From my experience, many men are. They just have different views on child rearing. I believe for many of them, it goes back to their fathers.. Although it's the 21st century, and many, many men have changed, there are still many that haven't. There are the men that are more involved in the raising of their children, ( really, there are more and more single fathers than ever ),, but there are still many that I believe were brought up, ( like I believe my husband, for the most part),, that the husband works all day, and then comes home from a hard day at work, and watches TV, easts supper, reads the paper, watches the game, does what he wants,, and goes to bed. The kids are not his responsibility to care for, unless they are in real trouble, or on the weekend, or for their childrens sporting events..

I'm not sure if this what you are talking about, but I think maybe you are. He doesn't want the kids disrupting his evening after work? I really have seen this, and I have lived this. Do you have good communication? If this is a problem, try to talk about it as much as you can. My husband and I also have some communication struggles, so that makes it hard, hopefully you don't.

About the kids playing outside. My opinion,, my kids played outside when they were young. It's hard to give advice, when we don't know really your living situation. Some countrysides are wonderful, and some towns are not (etc)? I do think your 2 year old is a little young to play outside without an almost constant eye, it only takes a minute,,, and they can be off and running,,.. They are so curious. But I think the 4 year old is old enough to play outside,, depending on your neighborhood?? Does he/she have a neighbor friend he/she could invite over once in a while to play with outside, if you are comfortable sending him/her out to play for short periods of time?? Just some suggestions. I don't know if this will help you at all? Maybe this would help? A compromise, your older child playing outside, and this is really good for your child too.
I know not everyone will agree, and again, it depends on what YOU are comfortable with, and what type of neighbhood you live in. It really is so good for kids to get outside tho.. :o) Soo good for your spirits too.. :o)

I try so hard to do everything "right" for them

I am slowly learning that kids don't come with a book when we have them, and we just do the best that we can with them.. I also believe that raising kids is one of the hardest jobs we have, although, also the most rewarding.

Hang in there sug.. You are in my prayers,,
Lots of Love,
Becky

[sugarssweetpea]

Becky,

Thank you for your post. Yes, you are exactly right in the description of my husband. I know that he works hard & he is tired when he gets in. Also, it takes a lot mentally with the kids & I know that sometimes he is just ready to relax. We have a pretty good line of communication, we try really hard to keep that open, & we do talk about it. I have decided that I am just going to try to get outside more. I will suck it up & get out there. And, my husband works at home some of the time, so I can send them out when he is out there as well. I also have a 10 yr old step daughter that is over almost every day for a few hours after school until her mom comes to get her & she is here every other weekend. I feel totally comfortable with her being outside with them. I just don't push the outside issue b/c I am not an outside person. I live where it is very hot most of the time & I am not really fond of sweating all the time. I do realize how important it is for them, though. And me, actually. I talked to my husband about it yesterday & he said that he was not talking about it being my fault that they were whiny, but the fact that they are not outside enough. They have played with all of their inside toys numerous times & they needed to be outside playing. I agree.

Thank you all for your replies.

[Rickery]

I think that where you live, the kind of boundaries you have (fences, etc) can make some difference and so I can't just give a flat answer. When I had young children there was a very safe area in the backyard to play in. They could go out, but my wife or I would constantly check on them because even if the area was safe (crime wise), young ones can easily injure themselves or others just playing. So, MUCH supervision was our choice for a little piece of mind.

[cmc]

From when my children were small, and through all their growing up years, husband worked two jobs and sometimes three....and he still found time to be with our three children. If something is important to me I will find a way to do it.

Why is it acceptable that any parent doesn't spend time with their children? Anyone who has kids is a parent and taking time for them is a part of being a parent.

If he wants them to play outside I would suggest that he take a fifteen minutes to a half hour after dinner and go out in the yard to play _with_ the kids, or that the whole family go for a short walk...together a couple nights a week.

Jmho-Childhood has a short window of opportunity before they will be grown up and gone very quickly. At ages 2 and 4 you have loads of chances to make the most of things and become a closeknit bunch.

[sugarssweetpea]

Yes I agree cmc & right now he is in their bedroom telling them bible stories before bed. It is not every night, just some when he is tired. I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression. There are days that if I am tired when my 4 yr old gets up early in the morning, that I will put a movie on & lay on the couch with him. I agree with what Becky said about how we were raised. I do not recall my dad having much interaction with me & I know that when he was growing up, his step dad would not even let the kids eat dinner at the same table & he did not see his real dad from age 9-17, so I would say that yes, he is doing a lot better. He has made progress with it over the last 4 years as well. We have an open line of communication & talk about the issues. He is a good man & does listen when I make suggestions.

[Lily]

I think it totally depends on the situation. you just have to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you. I do let my 4 yr old outside by himself (in the summer) right now there is about a million feet of snow, so we can't, however, we live on 300 acres in the middle of nowhere. He does know his boundaries and I can always see him. (riding bike in our driveway, playing in the grass, or on his swingset) I love it when he plays his trains on our porch though, cuz then he is practically in the livingroom. My husband was born and raised on this farm and I think it took me longer to get used to the idea without being too weirded out. I don't like him in the barn unsupervised though, too much he could get hurt on. Just use discernment and if it is bugging you, then perhaps you need to be out there. I think a 2 yr old could be a bit risky with a 4 yr old in charge. My 4 yr old doesn't have anyone to get into trouble with, so it is both good and bad.

My other son who is 19 now was raised in the city. I never felt comfortable having him outdoors alone. We lived in an apt complex and there were too many ppl around I didn't know....

blessings, Sheila