Powerless over others actions?

[Mercedes1]

Hi, would appreciate advice on how to counsel a friend who's husband left her, moved out. No papers or lawyers have been involved. He is living in another house only.

She found him on a website last night complete with nude pictures of women advertising he is single, etc. All while he is still married and has 3 children. One of the women on there she saw "hovering" in front of his house when she went to pick up her son yesterday.

She is very upset and looked to me for advice from a 12step approach?

She is obviously powerless over his actions and its none of her business his (IMHO) sick behavior. But he still is her husband and father of her kids so it is kinda hard to separate herself from his actions espeically now she found a website of his infidelities.

Part of me also wants to tell her to download all that to use in court to demonstrate his character but not sure if that is Christian and may make her obsess more to hold on to that stuff.

She is in obvious pain. She is a Christian and I am at a loss of counsel for her?

[wooforever]

This simple be there for your friend. Just be there for her when she needs to talk. The most important thing is to listen to her. If he is that bad then she needs to get out of the marriage. If the kids are old enough to understand she needs to tell them. If her husband is doing that stuff with the kids him the house then do not let them see him if his girlfriends or sexual partners are there. It is very hard when you have kids and are getting a divorce. She does need to see a lawyer and get at least legally supported and make sure that her kids are taken care of no matter what.

[NoelleR]

"...Part of me also wants to tell her to download all that to use in court to demonstrate his character but not sure if that is Christian..."

Two thing came to my mind when I read this.....

1)Jesus taught (Matt. 5;32 and Matt. 19:9) that the only valid reason for divorce is fornication, which can be defined as sexual immorality.....which causes either the divorcer, the divorcee, or both to commit adultery, which is one of the Big-10....and what the husband is doing seems to me to be sexual immorality.....but that could just be me.......nah, I think it's pretty plain..... (o:

and

2)Jesus also taught (Matt. 22:21, Mark 12:17, and Luke 20:25) that we should render unto Caesar (government) that which is Caesars....to me this can mean, working within the legal system, so giving this 'evidence' to one's attorney would be perfectly above board, and Christian, and in fact, is what should be done (just so the evidence is there, not necessarily that it will be used), at least in my understanding.....

Hope this helps in some way.....and if not, there's always the Bible and prayer..... (o:


NoelleR

[Mercedes1]

As far as she knows he has not had women when the kids were there. The gal hovering was waiting outside when she went to pick her son up..she obviously went in when he left. Her kids are young..12 and under.

I think you are right to listen but also this stuff is fairly heavy for me. I couldn't help but feel rage to his hypocrisy. He is not being honest with himself to consider himself a normal good guy then list naked women on his web site as his "friends". Disturbing.

But not my problem, or hers. I think the best advise is to leave him to God. This is her opportunity to trust God with herself and leave him to himself. We really are powerless over other people.

We can't save him nor punish him. that is not our job. Just very disturbing to have that "in your face". I feel for her.

Thanks wooforever..oviously this is fairly heavy for everyone else since your were the only one to respond..(wink).

[NoelleR]

Hey ---- (o:

Mercedes, you posted at 11:39 (central time)...: "...Thanks wooforever..oviously this is fairly heavy for everyone else since your were the only one to respond..(wink)..."

Is my post not showing.....the one I posted at 11:34 (central time)...?

Honest, if it isn't showing, I'll be more than happy to reprint it. I don't see this as a 'heavy' topic; I see the answers as clearly scriptural, and specifically in-line with the teachings of Jesus....for all Christians, which would include me you, and her.I personally believe it's a Christ-based suggestion..... (o: and one I would make to a friend, if I were in your position, Mercedes


NoelleR


NoelleR

[Mercedes1]

Thanks Noelle, your response did come in after I typed I only saw one. Thanks so much. Good advice and thank you.

[Lily]

There is a book I highly recommend for her to get. Maybe you could find it for her on amazon.com or ebay. it is called Love Must Be Tough. the author is James Dobson from Focus on the family. It is very well written from a biblical approach and gives good concrete answers for those whose spouses have been caught in infidelity.

Blessings, Sheila