Prayers for a difficult issue......

[expenguin]

Life is tough when we least think..... I have a difficult time accepting the ups and downs of a lady I thought was a friend.... She likes to talk about getting a lawyer to scare others off when she doesn't get her way......

She really needs God in her life .....to show her the real way to live her life and give her a tender heart rather than a hard heart...........

Sometimes I think she needs the help more than me or anyone of us in recovery................

I got an upsetting two days with this lady on the phone as I listened to her blow up at everyone and at me.... as I said she is a difficult person to deal with from time to time... and other days she is a loving person.............. But I have finally come to the end of my rope with her and decided I needed to do something else with my life....

I asked God to help me with this after her first upsetting phone call............... result was to get her out of my life and pray that she changes soon.... or she will not have many friends left if she has any at all......

I am an honest person who is willing to do anything for anyone..... and I may have been doing too much for this lady........ I decided to give her back her house key and other stuff.... and told her that I am no longer going to do for her at this point...

I kinda don't like being called names nor set up as a failure in my little life.........

I have years of recovery behind me and am proud of it..... I don't like to take someone elses inventory as I have enough trouble working on my own self.............

I have a life and God is working with me to keep moving forward each day.....

Pray for this person .......

Pray for me that I can settle down and come back to my calm self within my program of recovery..............

Little Penguin

[toad]

In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the next to the last story is titled "Freedom from Bondage." I recommend reading it. If you have read it before.......read it again.

When ever I am in a situation like yours, and I am from time to time, my sponsor has me read that story.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

We don't have to be doormats for other people

Old timer at my home group always says, when, you mess with my serenity, you mess with my sobriety.

The lesson here is not being a person like her.

Friendships, shouldn't be one sided should they??

Do you feel, you help enable her???

[sugarssweetpea]

Prayers lifted up for you & your friend.

[barb dwyer]

ExPeng -

Looks to me like you've become more solid in your own self respect.
Bless her for the teacher she's been, and send her on to her next student.

*prayers*

[expenguin]

I pray that she learns something from all this and that.....like someone said.."We donl't have to be doormats for other people"

I believe I have been a doormat and just didn't notice....

Praying that God will take care of her and open her eye to all the trouble she causes for others............

She does have a blind eye to the trouble she causes and others have to pick up the pieces when she goes home.............. I do the same thing with picking up the pieces and am now tired of it.......

I don't want to follow in her footsteps.... it isn't worth it... I see it makes messes more than building friendships...........

I have taken note one to many times and I know she doesn't see that...

But one thing is that I live here and have loads of friends.....and now this lady will move in when her parents house is done... OR SHE WILL SELL OUT..........

I ask God today to give me peace of heart and keep me moving forward in my Recovery Program..... I look to do better in my life and continue to be the kind person I have been since I was young.... Give me the strength to carry on and reach out when I need extra help in my little world.........................Show me how to keep giving and not expect anything in return...................

Little Penguin

[mike_mass]

Sounds like a person with a sick personality...stay clear and pray from afar.

[best]

Read some on the friends and family boards.
Boundaries do work to keep the peace in our own space. You have placed some nice boundaries there by returning the key.
Prayers that she finds what she needs as well as prayers for peace in your life.

[cmc]

Show me how to keep giving and not expect anything in return

Sometimes this is where I can lose myself because I forget that although I often don't expect anything in return, I can forget to expect to be treated decently.

Penguin, it's sad that she is driving people away but it is her choice and unless and/or until she faces the consequences of her behavior- she will continue to be rude and treat people badly.

I've lost a few 'friends' since being in recovery because I learned to raise the standards of what is acceptable behavior. I can no longer allow someone who is supposedly a friend to be cruel or thoughtless. One sided relationships wear me down and rob me of my peace.

It often starts off slowly and before I realize it, I'm allowing somebody to cross my boundaries. Going to Alanon and reading from Alanon literature helps me alot with this topic. I recommend: Courage to Change, One Day At A Time, Hope for Today. The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie is not Alanon approved but is excellent too.

I'll pray for her and for you too- you are such a giving and caring person and I believe that the Lord will use those qualities to minister His grace to others.

[expenguin]

Thank you for more suggestions.... the more the better for me...

I am going to search out Families and Friends section here... and try to relax more within myself...

God is watching over me and I know...... He is giving me the peace of mind that I need with the Boundaries I have already set....

I learned about Boundaries at my church and have put it to good use many times............... sometimes without really knowing that I even did it...

Yes... some people are just real sick and don't even know what they are doing to their friends..... until it is too late..........

For today I am doing what I need to keep me going..... I need to relax more and feel better inside myself.... I am hurting big time with stress pains in my chest that I had before 3 years ago when my former boss caused trouble for me....... didn't think I would go through this again and need to let my doctor know what is going on........

Continue to pray for me.... it is helping and I am grateful..

Little Penguin

[expenguin]

God has blessed me with a chance to see something beautiful with my family........Najoqui Falls......beautiful sight and something I needed to get the peace of mind for the moment.....and something that will last for a good time in my mind............

My whole family needed this moment to find the peace with God and get back to what life is really about without all the stress from others that haven't a clue.................

Thank you Lord for such a beautiful time in the outdoors and the Hike up the mountain to see the falls.............. the hike was worth the walk.....and something that gave me something else to think about.....

This is the way my program is to be for the moment...... a time to take those walks up the mountain to feel the ups and downs with all the pot holes that are so unexpected.......... what a time...... what a hike.........

Little Penguin

[expenguin]

Taking one day at a time today......

Stress from lady next door is still there and Doc giving me something to help...... if not much result tests will get run to see what else is going on.... may have heart problems developing since my dad had them start about my age.... YOUNG... Not looking forward to that and will relax for the mean time........

Today I will keep my mind on God and listen to my Christian radio station and quiet music........... then read and work my program while I pray for the peace I need to keep moving each minute..............

Purchased a medal with the serenity prayer on the back and put it on my Polar Bear that I give Hugs to each day . A comfort to me while everyone in the house is at school or work............

LIttle Penguin

[Mercedes1]

I recommend reading "Out of the Pit" by Beth Moore. and "Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.

Quote from Out of the Pit:

..."At his best, man can make a mighty fine man, but he's a useless god..."

And Oswald Chambers puts it best in "Utmost for His Highest"...

"...If you become a necessity to someone else's life, you are out of God's will. ". You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it" (see Matthew 10:34).

[expenguin]

WOW..... Thanks for the book suggestion... will take advantage and go from there.....

I am thinking and praying about my next move to be at peace with myself and God....... Kinda tough when you live next door to someone that doesn't seem too stable.... at least in some way or another..

I think God will take care of this person for me and let them know that they need to be nicer to others they encounter each day... There is no time for rudeness and such in this life.............

For the moment I am trying to be at peace and just go about what I need to in my daily life..... My program is important to me and I have lots to work on...............

Little Penguin

[expenguin]

Thinking today what I need to do to make life a bit better for my inner feelings...............

Taking to God helps and releases the stress that continues to build up...

Asking you all to continue your prayers for me also helps...

Asking God to forgive any thoughts that may go in the wrong direction also helps with the soul....

Making time to write things out and add a note or two to my God Box will help........

Working the steps in my program is another important thing I have been doing to see if I can get further in my program.... more in a different way than I already have......

I pray today for peace within and to carry my message to others out there that need more help than me ......

Little Penguin

[best]

Originally Posted by expenguin

Working the steps in my program is another important thing I have been doing to see if I can get further in my program.... more in a different way than I already have......

I learned the steps by reading and study of the bible. I later learned that what I found in the bible was the steps.
Just knowing that has helped me understand that the steps work in all areas of life. Yes...use them more in a different way does work wonders.

Lord, I have a problem.
Even if I can handle it myself, I ask for Your help.
If I can't handle it of my own strength, we both know I need Your help.

That covers the first 3 steps just about and the prayer of St Francis does a good job of covering most of the others.

[expenguin]

You are right Best.... and I put the Bible aside to do other things... I can see that I need to get back to my Recovery Bible and work it just as hard as I do other books.... Besides this is Lent... a time before Easter comes.... A time to do more prayer, reading of the Bible and so much more.... A good time to do what I have neglected all year..

I will work on what I have neglected... a good time to start is now....


Thank you Lord for the friends you have given me.... the ones that point out areas that need more work in my own life.... and the ones that show me the patience I need to make life worth it....


Thank you everyone for helping me out .... keep the suggestions coming.... I need to hear more and work my program at the same time.

Little Penguin

[expenguin]

Thinking about how much one person can disrupt our lives in just a moment and then We think God has left us out to hang dry.....

Not today........... God has control over our lives and I believe that in due time He will tell us what we are to do....

Just for today I am only concern with my life and not with the disruption this lady next door has caused me..... She will get what God has in mind for her in due time....

I for one.... have my life to work on and keep moving forward each day....

So far I have not heard any word from next door and I guess that is ok..... This lady still comes to check on the house to see when things will get done....... She has said hello to my other half and says nothing about the Hurt or pain she caused me..... or willing to say sorry for all she said or accused me of doing.......

I have no worry and I have decided not to work for her no matter what.....

I have a job God has given me here at my own house.... and there is something in my future I can work on....

The most important thing is that I keep the faith and keep my Recovery going one day at a time...........

Little Penguin

[best]

Originally Posted by expenguin

She will get what God has in mind for her in due time....

I for one.... have my life to work on and keep moving forward each day....



I have no worry and I have decided not to work for her no matter what.....

What would you say to this...

You work on your own life.
You grow in understanding of how to handle difficult people.
and then...
God sends you back to her house to be an example and a mentor for her?

I find that when I say no I won't...many times God has other plans.
He will equip the called so if you ever do feel called to go back there, He will give you all that you need to do His will in that situation.

As for right now, you have a good plan in mind.
All of us can always find areas we can work on of our own spaces.

[expenguin]

This is something I have thought about and if it comes to that I will handle it the best I can with God's help.... I know God will protect me against this persons bad temper...

I just have to really learn more like you said and then go from there....

For now I am still thinking of not even going there to confront this person ..... She has hurt me over a year and a half on and off so many times...

Ok... I know we learn in our recovery to forgive and let others forgive us......and then on....

I learned all that working the steps in AA and moving forward.... It is as easy as that.... I can put my step work to work in a different way and go from there... Just never thought of turning the table in the other direction when someone else does wrong to someone in Recovery and this other person is not in Recovery ...

Nor does this person know much about Recovery..... I know that for a fact...... she speakes about being a minister of some sort and yet likes to shoot her mouth off in such a bad way.......

But who am I to judge this lady.....?

So... Yea I think I can take a look at myself going back to her house when it is done and all is back to normal ... sort of.... I may see and play it by how God directs me each day....

Will pray for all this as the days and minutes pass by......

Little Penguin

[cmc]

But who am I to judge this lady.....?

Judgements are necessary...the bible refers to 'judge not' as a condemnation.


I must judge or evaluate things in order to decide what to do. This is a boundary issue and what I have learned in Alanon is to recognize when someone crosses the boundary that I have set. If I have no boundary then anyone can treat me as they wish, and I will continue to be the target/victim of their actions.
The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is one of the best books written on this topic.