Desperate

[Hope]

I'm crumbling, craving, and this is tearing me up. I'm distant from God right now. I cry out to God and I can't feel his presence. I feel so alone.. this is eating me up inside. I'm tired and I'm beaten down. My vision is so limited that the only way I see out is to drink to shut up the cravings. I can't stand this day after day and I pray for God to remove the obsession.

The last time I was sober, the obsession was removed. I didn't crave at all anymore. But, being with the wrong people, I relapsed in October and this time in my sobriety, I crave constantly. I'm working on my recovery program but I still feel "stuck" because I'm always battling these thoughts. I know it is God's battle and I ask God to keep me sober in the morning and thank him at night, but tonight, I am about to lose it. I'm seriously down to the floor in tears and I can't leave my apartment because I don't think I'd make it back sober.

I'm trying to push forward in faith and not let my sights get stuck on the immediate effect but the end consequences and I know I pay for my addiction with my life giving up everything I value but I still crave and want to go back to it so bad because I "think" I love it but it doesn't love me and it's killing me ... well, I feel like I'm dying without it, but the truth it, I'm dying if I do it... I'm so torn.... this hurts so bad.

I'm desperately reaching out for help.

[happyguy]

Your situation is quite understandable. You are not the only one having this type of problem. The same God that saw me and several other son this forum thorugh those "down times" will also help you through. My candid advice is that you must not give up the battle. Victory s around the corner. If possible, get someone, a christian perferably to help you out by keeping company with you. Also surround yourself with motivational books, T.V programmes and above all the bible. Even if it seems that your cry to God is not heard, He hears and feels the pain you're going through now. Just hold on to Him and he will see you through.

Others have made it, you too will make it. It is sure.

[belchoir]

Hope, White nuckle it. "The sun also rises". You will overcome this soon. Run a bath as hot as you can take it and SOAK. If no bath, then shower. It works for me.

You are strong!

[best]

Cheryl

Work through the moment and let it pass.
Just as the twelve were in the boat and the storm showed up as Jesus was sleeping, they went into a panic.
What happened?
The Lord calmed the storm.
He will do the same for you.

I found that the Lord protected me as a parent protects a little child.
A parent will hold a child's hand and cross the street with them. As the child grows and is able to handle things, the parent will allow the child to cross the street by themself. The parent is there and watching but the child may not see the parent.
The Lord knows your srength and will allow you to cross the street on your own so that you will know your own strength. He is watching.
Work through the moment when it comes and know that the Lord will calm the storm. You are not alone in this struggle.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Hope -- please hang in there. Just remember:

when you say: "I can't do it" God says "you can do all things" (Phillippians 4:19)

when you say: "It's impossible" God says "All things are possible" (Luke 18:27)

when you say: "I am not able" God says: "I am able" (II Corinthians 9:8)

when you say "I feel all alone" God says: "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)

Sometimes the hard times are the times of exceptional growth. When you make it through these times, you gain lessons that you have no idea you needed to learn. These times force us to go outside of what we know to cope (drink). Please hold on and wait for the miracle.

[Hope]

I got through last night. I am definitely crossing the street by myself. I'm trying not to get ran over. I think victory is on the way as long as I don't quit. The pain will be too much if I quit. Far greater than what I'm going through now. Alcohol is nothing more for me than a bunch of pain and remorse. I don't want to go back to where I was before I quit everything.

My life was so empty then. That's why it's baffling as to why I keep looking back. I know I sin in the area of jealousy of my old friends who are still out there. What is there to be jealous of? That is how my life was at one time, but I was so hollow on the inside and in a world of darkness. I was in a spiritual void and my mornings of being hungover hurt really bad.

I am really living today and I'm alcohol and drug free and my life is going well so I shouldn't look back the way that I've been looking back. I'm guilty of romanticizing what I 'thought" was good times but I know that is a lie that the devil is trying to keep in my head. The devil has not won over me. The victory in Jesus is already mine and God gives me new grace everyday. I've never outran my mercy with the Lord. That's love. I can never sin more than God's grace will cover.

I'm glad to be a child of the Most High God and be sitting here sober instead of drunk passed out somewhere. Praise God!

[best]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

I got through last night. I am definitely crossing the street by myself.

Good job.
You may be crossing by yourself but your not alone.
*HUG*

[Hope]

It has been coming at me with increasing intensity over the last few days so if it comes tonight, I'm more prepared for it.

I'm glad I'm not alone. *hug*

[cmc]

[mike_mass]

Hang in there. You are in my prayers.

[kari08]

Hope,
I know what you are feeling about crying out to God and not feeling like you are hearing or sensing His presence. I have felt like I have been aimlessly wandering for a bit now. I just desperately want to hear from God and know that I have not failed Him in my sins. We were never promised an easy road but sometimes I get so angry because though we weren't promised easy does it have to be so unbelievably hard and challenging. I want to go outside and just scream up at the sky.. WHY WHY WHY, but I know God would just want to wrap His arms around us and say to us child.. I will not leave you.. I am with you.. just come to me and give it all to me child.. I want to carry that burden for you.. if you will just lay it down.. will you just give it to me and stop taking it back..
I know this journey is hard.. and I pray you will find the strength and the hope to make it one more hour.. one more day.. one more week.. one step at a time.
Blessings
Kari

[MNGirlyGirl]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

........ The victory in Jesus is already mine and God gives me new grace everyday. I've never outran my mercy with the Lord. That's love. I can never sin more than God's grace will cover.

I'm glad to be a child of the Most High God and be sitting here sober instead of drunk passed out somewhere. Praise God!

Wow! Amen and Halleluiah!!! Praise God is right!

You've got it right. When you feel so down -- just start to praise God and thank him for what he has given you.

[Hope]

I am grateful for this ourpouring of support.

I just read this- it is very encouraging.

The important reality is that God is with us. God does not come and go
in the way our experience of God's presence comes and goes. God does not
forsake us. God walks with us. Even through deep valleys.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Hope, how are you doing today?
Hang in there.

[Hope]

I'm not doing good today.

[best]

A moment at a time and the day soon comes to an end.
Fill the time with other things.
Read your bible.
Play some music.
Sing along with the music. Make your singing become a prayer to the Lord.
Look about and see if you can find someone who needs your support.
I find that when I reach out to others, my day goes much better.

[dave47]

Praying for you Hope, God bless.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Prayers going out to you.

[Lily]

I am so sorry you are not feeling very good. I honestly can say I was depressed recently until I started going to meetings. I just went ahead and went to some AA meeting and now I have met some ppl who have what I want. I even found a sponser! Even though most are not believers there, they are doing something right, not using anyway....... perhaps you could try one?

blessings, Sheila <><

Praying for you!

[Hope]

Sometimes the darkness overwhelms us.
Sometimes we seem to have 'made our bed ' in a place that God has
deserted, a place from which God has turned away.

But the psalmist says 'even if I make my bed in the depths, you are
there'. There are no genuinely God-forsaken places on our journey. There are no
places unfamiliar to God. It is a difficult and painful journey, but
our lines of support are not stretched thin. God is not at a distance. God
is with us.

If God is with us, we can travel through those dark times in recovery,
those times in hell. If God is with us, we can hold on through the difficult
emotional and spiritual roller coaster of recovery.

No matter where I am, Lord
you are with me.
If I am up, today.
You are here.
If I am down.
You are here.
If I am very, very down.
You are still here.
If I am very, very, very, very, very down.
You are here.
Thank you.
Even in the terrible times when I am in the depths, you are there with
me.
Your presence is a ray of hope
in the dark times of my recovery.
Amen.

From Dale and Juanita Ryan
__________________________________________________ ____________

I needed that meditation today.
I am going through some dark times in my recovery right now.
The only way to get through it is to go through it and everytime I ever got to this point in the past, I'd press the stop button on life and drink and all that would do is rewind and put me back to start this all over again. Drinking is like buying another ticket for the same roller coaster and having to start right back at the beginning. That is why I'm not looking into a bottle for an answer. The bottle of lies helped me deceive myself into being someone I'm not. Today, I'm trying to become what God wants me to be instead of allowing alcohol to shape my future- the road of pain.

I've been listening to Michael W. Smith today and worshiping God. Sometimes I just quiet my mind and rest in God. When I get faced with moments of indecision, I stop and pause it because I know the battle rages inside of me and I don't want to make hasty decisions to do the wrong thing.

If God wants me to wait right now, then I'm going to sit and wait. I will not drink today.

[sugarssweetpea]

(((((((((((((Hope)))))))))))))))))))))
Stay strong in our Lord & He will get you through this. I admire you for your faith. I admire you for your strength in Him. I admire you for picking up your Bible. I admire you for worshipping Him. You will make it through this. Jesus loves you & so do I.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

...... Drinking is like buying another ticket for the same roller coaster and having to start right back at the beginning. That is why I'm not looking into a bottle for an answer......

What a great analogy. Thanks for sharing this.