Why do I.....

[sugarssweetpea]

Still see everything as a negative. Instead of seeing my not drinking, when I am around someone who is drinking, my mindset is that of yeah, I cannot drink. Or same with food. I see it as a negative thing that I cannot do. It's like I still want to. But I don't. Why can I not see past that. I do not understand. I have so much to be grateful for, yet I can only see the negative. I had to help my husband with some grinding work over this christmas break & I have really struggled with it. I am mad at him for taking on the other job that he is doing (has been working on for a month). I did not get to do the things that I wanted to with my children b/c of having to work on it. Not to mention, now my fingertips have been numb for the last 5 days. Anyway, I just do not understand why I see everything in the negative. I am bored. I do not like who I am. I am angry. I do not feel that I am of any use to anyone. I have not received any phone calls from anyone to do anything over break. My sponsor friend did not even answer my text about starting over on the 1st. I am alone. I am sad. I still hang on to the old feelings & at times like this, I long for my old lifestyle. I really do & I do not understand why. I know life is better now. But I was happier then. Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Lily]

SugarsweetPea,

I am sorry you are feeling so down. It is so hard to be grateful when you are down. It is also to get into a worship mode when we are down, but that tends to help me. I put on some Christian music and read some of the word.

Our minds have a way of remembering the "good ole times" when we were out there. It is a type of selective thinking. In reality, it wasn't really better. We woke up feeling like crap, we were not taking care of our responsiblities, we were blowing it.

Don't let the devil steal your joy. He wants to you know. If he can make you feel ineffective then you are no use to the kingdom of God.

Another thing that helps me when I am bored is to serve others. Maybe you are burned out on the grinding thing, but is there any other way you could be a blessing to someone else? Another thing that helps me is to write down all I am thankful for.

I pray the Lord would help you get out of this funk as you cry out to him.

Blessings, Sheila <><

[1963comet]

I have went through that myself. But my last year of drinking was soooo bad that the memories of that time helps me stay sober today.

I do get upset at times because I wish I could have A drink. But I know that can never happened. I have tried the control thing more than once. I think some of us has been ticked off because we cannot drink like social drinkers. But social drinkers do not get mad if they can't have one.

It does get better with time.

[sugarssweetpea]

I quit drugs 6 1/2 years ago & drinking almost 6. Every time I turn & try to stop the overeating & compulsiveness I have with it & eat healthy, all the feelings of drinking & drug use come back. It's like all I have done is change one addiction for another. I do not know how to live on my own. It sucks.

[mike_mass]

It sounds like you need to have some healthy, stress-free social interaction with people who care for you. Do you have friends who you can get together with?

[toad]

I am sorry you feel the way you do. Be very careful about the poor-me's.

Poor me......poor me.......pour me another one!

Ahh, but praise God there is a solution. I know an old biker who is always saying, "If you keep doing what yer doing, then you'll keep getting what yer getting." The Scriptural answer is the same.........we reap what we sow. If you don't like what is going on in your life right now, then sow some different seed. May I recomend spending some time at a nursing home, reading to those who have trouble seeing. Talking to those who are lonely. Sometimes to just sit and hold someone's hand.......get the picture?

To reap joy in our lives we've got to sow the seeds...........toad

[sugarssweetpea]

Yeah, I kinda figured it was too much concentrating on myself. Too selfish. Too self centered. That one is really hard for me to snuff out.

[Lily]

The overeating especially sugar and high carbs kinda make me want to use too cuz I feel like I need a little boost. what has been helping me lately is to start off my day w/ a high protein breakfast so I do not get sleepy and cranky and not want to do anything all day. Oh, and a cup of coffee of course.

I too am an overeater and have to really be careful to not over do it. I think that is why I felt so bad over Christmas cuz of all of the carbs and stuff.

blessings, Sheila

[IO Storm]

Sugar....

What I have found after years of struggling is the greatest joys I have are in being

a blessing to someone else in some way or other. The spiritual principals of giving of

yourself ..of service... that Jesus lived and taught seemed to me just stories until I

started doing them...and you know what? It is true.

When you do something for another..you get "out of yourself....and out of your head"..

and the "poor me's" as Toad said are soon forgotten.

What I have found to be true is this..when Jesus said it is more blessed to give than

to receive...there is a joy you carry with you long after the good deed is done..and

we never know the eternal reward ...or the ternal good for the other.

In His Love,

Sherry

[rayofsunshine]

SSP, Wise words above me.
Just wanted to chime in and
send you
and
you are feeling good today.

[sugarssweetpea]

I am feeling good today. Thank you for all of your prayers. My husband asked me last night when we were going to sleep if I was going to wake up in a good mood today. I asked him how in the world I was supposed to know that?? Then I asked him when he ever knew me to wake up in a good mood. I usually need time to spend by myself before any interaction with anyone, the problem is that I have not been getting up in time (before my children wake) to have quiet time with God. Then, I am frustrated most of the day b/c as you know, children can be quite demanding most of the time. Even in the morning. Anyway, my husband said that he really prayed for me last night b/c it really bumms him out when I am down. So, I have been in a good mood today. Lots of energy, just feeling good. Went out & bought some plants for inside the house. Never hurts to boost the oxygen level. I am also trying to not even THINK about what I want or don't want to do. That gets me in trouble every time. I need to just do what needs to be done. It's funny, b/c when I was growing up & even through my 20's I never whined about things that needed to be done, I just did them. I do not know where the whine came from.

[best]

Originally Posted by sugarssweetpea

I do not know where the whine came from.

I found that my whine comes from what I focus on.
When I look around for the negatives and try to keep myself on the pitty pottie, I have found that what I focus on gets magnified. When I focus on the blessings in my life, I see them grow because I see my attitude change. If I focus on my to do list with a negative attitude...I see the list get heavy and I tend to do nothing.

So a focus would be... Rather then kids yelling...
I am blessed with children even though they may yell at times, they bring more joy then they ever do fustration.
As for food... I am blessed I have so much because there are families who live a whole week on what I may eat in one sitting. When I put thought to such, my prayers of thanks and guideance as I eat seem to hold more passion. Again my spirit gets lifted.
When ever you feel a frustration starting up...look for a good in the situation.
Lord, what are you going to teach me today?

Every frustration can be a learning experience that helps us grow.
Every frustration could be coming from satan as he tries to keep us off course.
When frustrations come into my life, I see them for what they may be and I find joy that I may learn something or I find joy because if it is from satan...that means I must be doing something right or he wouldn't be bothering me. If I am off course, he has no need to bother me. If I am on course is when he will try his hardest and I won't let him win. I am stubborn like that *LOL*

[sugarssweetpea]

Thanks Best. SOmehow I just knew you would have an answer for me about the whine. I don't know why, just knew when I wrote it. Anyway, thank you. I know that no matter how down I get, this site always makes me feel better. You guys are awesome.

[toad]

"I do not know where the whine came from."

We've all got it..........it's in each and every one of us.......I praise God that you are having a better day. I remember when I first came back into recovery this time (1998) that I would wake feeling depressed. I had an old dog that used to be so funny to me in the morning. Just the way he walked and moved. I laughed at him one morning, and he barked at me. I laughed at him again and he barked at me again. that started a morning ritual that lasted for a couple years, until Jake got so sick that I had to have him put to sleep. He was probably around 15 years old and had cancer. I thought it was best not to let him suffer any more.

What I learned from Jake was that laughter is very good medicine. I can remember forcing myself to laugh, big ol belly laughs. I still do it from time to time when I am not feeling well. I will laugh deep and hard for thirty seconds.........man, it just does something to me spiritually that I cannot explain. Of course if anyone else is in the house they will think you're nuts. I have found that when I laugh, others will laugh with me, not even knowing what Iam laughing about........it that not strange? I know you know what I mean.

Go somewhere by yourself and laugh hard and see if it doesn not lift you're sense of well being.............it's Scriptural.....

[sugarssweetpea]

Yes. As a matter of fact, I believe that is what helped pull me out of it. Last night I chose to play with my children before bedtime. Tickle & just plain monkeying around. They are 2 & 4. We were all laughing pretty hard. I felt better ever since. Today I have really tried to find the humor in them & in every situation. I even turned down a wrong way going into Wal Mart b/c I was trying to find the loader my 2 yr old saw on the road & actually found it funny. It has been a long time since I have been able to laugh at myself. Usually, I would have gotten mad & called myself some pretty ugly names. One thing I have to ask about is the physical feeling from laughter. Every time I get the really hard laugh going for awhile & have a pretty productive cough come from it. Anyone know why? I just figured I wasn't doing it enough to clear everything out on a regular basis.

[todd6138]

I can totally relate to your negative feelings and I am very happy you have rebounded a bit and pray that God will continue to work in your life. I have only been sober eight months(praise God), but I know my life is so much better today without alcohol or drugs. HOwever, like you were saying earlier in your posts, I feel as if I was between a rock and a hard place. I overate continuously for the months I have been sober and have gained a bunch of weight. I have often thought to myself I am such a fat pig- I am so stupid and why can't I just quit eating?: In my opinion being a slave to food is just as miserable as being drunk. I guess I began making a change at least in how I feel about myself and just making attempts each day to thank God regardless of how I felt. I have faithfully attended church and tithed and I work with other alcoholics on a weekly basis in ou alcoholics victorious meeting I read aa literature and have a prayer partner but no approved aa type sponsor I have been open to the idea however and am planning to add a meeting on thursday which is strictly an old timers aa meeting. I guess to wrap up this hodge-podge is that I get a release by getting out of myself and working in the church and aa comomunity and try to give back what has been so freely given to me the gift of recovery is priceless but you have to do the maintenance. Thanks for letting me share and God bless!

[IO Storm]

Hi again Sugar...

Wow..this is turning out to be a neat and uplifting thread! Who woulda thunk!

An aside to Toad..two unborn sons I lost were Jake as well... I would like to think

now that your Jakie might find them and run aroun d with em' a bit.

Thanks everyone..this thread has brought out of my own dumps today...

Only God can heal a heart..but laughter is the best medicine.

Love,

IO

[sugarssweetpea]

Todd,
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like we have a lot in common. I sit there wallowing in self pity sometimes & the stuff that I am self pitying about is just ridiculous. Every change that God has allowed in my life since 2000 has all been for the better, but yet I still harp on how I am not used to some things (things moved EXTREMELY FAST for me since then) & blah, blah, blah. I need to learn to let go of the past & let God with the future. I thank all of you for your prayers, advice & support. You are all a great blessing to me. Something I can ALWAYS thank God for is all of you.

[sugarssweetpea]

Well, tomorrow, Jan 1st is approaching quickly. And with it is the approaching anxiety as I think of healthy eating. I have happiness with it as well as I think of the freedom that will come with it. I am excited to get back to working the steps, really working them & surrendering everything to God. My sunday school teacher challenged us yesterday to start with a week & move on from there, but to start with being more obedient to CHrist than we were this year in this week until we meet again on the 6th. He is encouraging us to be better witnesses for CHrist in 2008 than we have ever been. The last few days, I have felt really good. I sometimes wonder about bipolar when I go through a few days of good, then a few days of bad, but it seems like the only time that thought comes into my head is when I am up. Which usually brings me back down. When I start thinking about the depressive moments & such, it brings me back into the negative thoughts & therefore back into the depression. I am really trying to look at things from God's perspective as much as I can. Trying to be thankful for EVERYTHING. Trying to find something to be thankful about in all situations. Doing what needs to be done without thinking about what "I" am HAVING to do. Being thankful that I have the ablility to do it. Doing what is in the best interest (going outside & being active, or watching tv all day) for my children, serving my husband & children more. Trying to be nicer & have a smile for everyone whom I pass when I am out. Anyway, I want to wish everyone a very happy 2008!!!! May God's blessing reign down on us all. In Jesus Name ~ Amen.

[best]

You want some good books to read that tell about a person who knows what it is like to wake up and not feel a smile but still presses on through her day?
JONI EARECKSON TADA is one such person. Some of her stories in her books can be such an inspiration for those moments we may have that have us not want to smile. Why me Lord? is a question she asked at one point and her life is filled with the answers. Have a look about on her web site and I am sure you will find a blessing or two.



Joni and Friends