Trying again

[Grace25]

Today is Day 1 for me. I have been trying to get sober since 2001 and had many day 1's. I am what they call a "high bottom" drunk in AA. I think if I weren't a Christian (accepted Christ in 2001), I would not be trying to get sober. I do know that desire for a drink is my first response when I am stressed. I do know that I like to down a few to simply blot out the negative vibes. So to me, these are alcoholic responses and I need to stop.

The toughest part is that I am married to a man who is just like me, needs a drink to unwind after a tough day. He is not a Christian. I have him to the point where I hide our liquor during the week, but come Friday, I put it out for the weekend. He'll put up with that.

We have two dear, sweet, teens, although our son drives us nuts sometimes. For all his faults - the boy is a Christian. I am grateful for that.

Anyway - I've been dwelling on verses that say to fear the Lord (Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, etc.). I feel that maybe if I can learn to really fear God, I will be afraid enough to quit drinking. I can't see how I can be a good Christian, and do all the things I should, yet still, in the moment of stress/anger, etc., want to drink.

[Lily]

Grace,

So sorry for your struggles to get clean and sober. Have you tried going to a meeting? I am glad you are continuing to try. The righteous man falls 7 times but gets up 7 times. Prov. 24:16. Keep on persevering.

I pray that you would be able to turn to the Lord, his word and other ppl who are in recovery instead of drinking. I only have 37 days today, and yesterday was extremely hard for me, but by the grace of GOD I made it. It is much easier when you have accountablity with ppl who have been there, that is why meeting ppl in recovery is so important.

I admire your perseverance and your transparency in sharing. You can do this! Don't stay down! Blessings in JESUS, Sheila <><

[todd6138]

I cannot call you an alcoholic, but if you fit the criterion in the Big Book pp19-21 and you wish to seek help, there is help in alcoholics anonymous. try a meeting tonight. If you are as serious of an alcoholic as I am than there is a need to accept help from someone whteher it be aa or a therapist. Jesus puts people in our path to help and our only source of strength is Him; I pray that you will seek some help today if you need it and i hope your day goes well. Keep on posting and thanks for sharing!

[best]

Originally Posted by Grace25

. I feel that maybe if I can learn to really fear God, I will be afraid enough to quit drinking. I can't see how I can be a good Christian, and do all the things I should, yet still, in the moment of stress/anger, etc., want to drink.

You can be a good Christian and still have desires for things that are not good for us.
Paul said it well... Why do I do the things I do rather then the things I want to do. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. (paraphrased)

Daily, I need ask of the Lord for His strength if I want to do things that are pleasing to Him. Some things I just am not able to do of my own strength and I ask for His strength to get me through.

As for fear and being afraid...
The English language lacks words that give the same meaning as the original languages used when the bible was written.
Fear of the Lord would be better translated as... Respect and honor for and of who He is. Looking at God with awe because He is beyond our understanding.
We can ask of God as a hungry child will ask of a parent for food.
I am in need. Please help.
What parent would say no to their hungry child? How much more will the Lord give us when we ask of Him?
Ask for His strength and know fully that the Lord will provide and pour out His blessings and love upon you. No need to be afraid because Jesus loves you and wants only what is good for you.

[Grace25]

for all your messages of support. It is still hard for me this week, it's a struggle. Addiction really stinks. I feel so trapped in the cycle of wanting/needing a few drinks to relax. I don't get hammered, just buzzed. But I know it's wrong.

[Lily]

Keep on trying Grace. Keep getting up when you fall. don't give up! we are here for you! blessings, Sheila

[Free to love]

Originally Posted by best

You can be a good Christian and still have desires for things that are not good for us.
Paul said it well... Why do I do the things I do rather then the things I want to do. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. (paraphrased)

Daily, I need ask of the Lord for His strength if I want to do things that are pleasing to Him. Some things I just am not able to do of my own strength and I ask for His strength to get me through.

As for fear and being afraid...
The English language lacks words that give the same meaning as the original languages used when the bible was written.
Fear of the Lord would be better translated as... Respect and honor for and of who He is. Looking at God with awe because He is beyond our understanding.
We can ask of God as a hungry child will ask of a parent for food.
I am in need. Please help.
What parent would say no to their hungry child? How much more will the Lord give us when we ask of Him?
Ask for His strength and know fully that the Lord will provide and pour out His blessings and love upon you. No need to be afraid because Jesus loves you and wants only what is good for you.

I agree with Best. We all fall short at times, but God knows our hearts. He knows when we try & when we don't. And He loves us either way. We need Him everyday, even when we don't "feel" Him, He's there waiting for us to come to Him for help. I encourage you to reach out to Him daily.
As for fear, like Best said, the translation to English for that word can be confusing. As addicts we sometimes understand fear in a scary way. There is good fear. I always thought of fear, like I feared my parents wrath. I was also taught as a child to fear God in the same way. (ie.. If you're bad you're going to hell.) When I got to really know God's love, I realized a more healthy fear. Like Best said, more like respect & honor. My fear now is like not wanting to disappoint God. But I know that if I do He loves me anyway. I have let Him down many times & He still blesses me with love & forgiveness, EVERYTIME. This was a huge revelation to me. A love like I've never had.

So hang in there, turn everyday, every second if you have to, over to God & ask Him to be in control of your life. Also, pray diligently for your spouse. My hubby was an addict too, I tried to change him, but it wasn't my job. I turned that over to God & eventually he turn his addiction over to God.