it's time - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

mikiglen · 08-26-2007, 04:29 PM

i don't know if any of you remember me. i am a vicodin addict, and almost a year ago, i posted a thread here about God. i was religiously abused and fallen so far off the beaten path, that i didn't think i'd ever go back. however, when i first got sober, i began feeling that "pull" to get back into a relationship with God.
it took me many months, many near death experiences, many nites of begging, pleading and promising God....but i finally am on the road.
ultram is now my doc, and it is a much scarier drug, imo, to OD on. so many nites i felt that i was being pulled under with a physical force. laying in my bed, FEELING as though there was a hand on my head pushing me down, and KNOWING that if i gave in, i would not wake up.
i don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but it was terrifying. i have slowly come around in the last few weeks. i have begun praying regularly and often, teaching the kids to pray, reading the bible with them at nite....went to church for the first time EVER on my own last week and loved it.
BUT, other than the crying, the sorrow, and the condemnation, other than asking God to help me, i was unwilling to let go of my addiction. fear held me trapped....i wouldn't be able to work, to function...i didn't want to use anymore, but i didn't want to go through that either. it was such a contradiction...praying, reading the bible, going to church....taking 30 ultram a day.
i didn't want to...i would look in my kids eyes and think what am i doing? i know God would help me stop...but i wouldn't let Him. i'd get up the next morning, and forget all the fear and crying and repenting the nite before, and not even TRY to stop taking pills.
until now.
and i'm scared. but what was ultimately more fearful to me was not that i might die while alone with my kids (which was scary enough), but that i might die and God would turn his back on me.
i read a random bible verse the other nite, and it was this one:

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 16:24-5)

now, how simple is that? there is my answer right there. DENY MYSELF. that, at that moment, meant put down those pills, walk through what i needed to and follow him. DENY MYSELF.
so, i am.
today is day one. i am doing everything i can, reading, praying...went to church again this morning and took communion...put the kids in awana on wed nites....i'm going to do this deal, and it is not going to be hard. and you know what? if it is, it is worth it.
sorry, if this is a little toooooooooooo much for this forum, if i am against the rules, let me know. i haven't read any posts here yet, wanted to post this while it's on my mind.
so, i'm here for the duration....hope to get to know those of you i don't already
misti

**best** · 08-26-2007, 05:04 PM

With a commitment and asking... Lord I need "Your" strength because I can't do it of my own strength.... To this very day I am still in awe of how the Lord worked in my life.

Ask and it will be given.

Deny self and let the Lord be your strength. You will reach day two before you know it. One day at a time and you will do it.

rayofsunshine · 08-26-2007, 06:25 PM

Hi Misti. Nice to meet you. Glad to hear of your new commitment.
With God all things are possible. Keep posting.

caileesnana · 08-26-2007, 06:52 PM

God is always there, even when we are mad and running away.
Prayers for you!
susan

duet_4-8 · 08-26-2007, 07:43 PM

The enemy knows we will be too handicapped to live in consistent victory until we actively believe that we are who God says we are.

Praise be to You, the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. You are my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge.

Part Your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke. Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy; shoot Your arrows and rout them. Reach down Your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me!
(Ps. 144:1-2, 5-7)

Father God, I pray that You will cause no weapon forged against me to prevail. Enable me to refute the tongue of my accuser. Thank You for giving this as a heritage to Your servants, O Lord (Isa. 54:17).

sugarssweetpea · 08-26-2007, 09:24 PM

Misti,
Welcome & thank you for the honesty of your post. I also thank you for the verse. I too need to be reminded of denying myself. In so many areas of this life that God has so graciously given me.

***cmc*** · 08-26-2007, 10:37 PM

Misti,
I do remember you and I'm so glad you decided to come back and post here. There are so many here who will share and be praying for you too.
This link is from the sticky section and I thought it might be helpful for you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...eferences.html (12 steps and Biblical references)
prayers & hugs,
cmc

mikiglen · 08-27-2007, 06:27 AM

thanks for the thoughts and prayers. i am just now starting to get sick, so i have a long road. i know that i can get through it with prayers and help. at least for the first time in forever, i don't have plans, or thoughts of getting more meds, so that's a good thing.
the problem is going to be the getting up and around issue....i am so lethargic the first week or so, usually when i relapse. say a prayer that God will give me strength to do the things that need to be done, and strength to do them well. i know i am going to be tempted, i know this is not going to be easy, but i plan to walk through it. i have to.
sounds nuts, but i believe this is my last chance.
mis

Grasshopper · 08-27-2007, 06:58 AM

My prayers are with you.
Go---One Day At A time!!!!!

Melanchonika · 08-27-2007, 07:59 AM

you are very courageous! i am encouraged myself by your post!

i come from a past of spiritual abuse too.....i understand that part. for me it is the REAL underlying 'sickness' i have. to heal from it and be whole again is a hard road. surrounding yoruself with safe people you can trust and see you down the road of health and wholeness is helpful, if not necessary. keep us posted.

emmer · 08-27-2007, 09:51 AM

Hi Misty, I relapsed on codeine many,many times ....but all the support and prayers here helped alot, as well remember the one day at a time thing.
I never lived my life ~ one day at a time ~ before going to NA ,and hearing about that way of living.
I was always living 2 weeks at a time or a year at a time.......that way of living is a set up for relaps.

I also had a bad benzo addiction ...yuk !!! .... and other drugs too.

I'm clean now though...

.... just keep praying, posting , and keep living one day at a time.

We have your back Misti ... Joe

Barbara52 · 08-28-2007, 05:29 PM

You have my prayers that God will help you to feel and use the strength he sends to you.

angelgirl · 08-29-2007, 11:57 AM

Hey Misti

So glad you are here. I will be praying for you.. He will be there with you, just keep talking to him..

Becky

mikiglen · 08-30-2007, 08:03 AM

into day four:

13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

**best** · 08-30-2007, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikiglen

into day four:

13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

Do you believe that?

I Do!

Not because someone told me it is true but because I have and do live it.

I am sober and alive because the Lord gives me strength each day.

Congratulations on day 4.

***cmc*** · 08-30-2007, 09:17 AM

Day #4!!!!!

You can do this....and btw you don't "sound nuts" at all...just determined to change.
God bless and give you the strength to do what you cannot do by yourself. Amen.
He has a wonderful plan for your life.
hugs,
cmc

mikiglen · 08-31-2007, 08:50 PM

i am ending day five strong and healthy..........ONLY by the grace of God. I am not keeping myself sober, he is, and he gets all the credit.
thank you God

Hope · 09-01-2007, 01:24 AM

God will give you the strength! He is with you and so are we!

mikiglen · 09-02-2007, 05:58 PM

so ends day seven

1 Cor. 10:13
...God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it

thank you, God for helping me get through this time of trouble, giving me your strength to face each day sober and peaceful. Without you, this cannot be done.

***cmc*** · 09-02-2007, 07:44 PM

Misti-
That's great news, congrats on a week!!!

emmer · 09-02-2007, 08:40 PM

One week !! ... Wow Misti ....you absolutely rock !!! Congrats !!

mikiglen · 09-12-2007, 09:25 PM

God rocks as i am now past two weeks

I coloss 1:13
He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.

Thank you God, for walking with me all the way, not turning your back on me as you should have so many times. Only with you can I stay clean

***cmc*** · 09-12-2007, 09:29 PM

Thanks for sharing and congrats for your 2 weeks!!!

sugarssweetpea · 09-13-2007, 05:56 AM

You are definately an encouragement!!! Congratulations on over two weeks!! I love the scripture you are using to stay strong. AWESOME!!!!!!

08-26-2007, 04:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	it's time i don't know if any of you remember me. i am a vicodin addict, and almost a year ago, i posted a thread here about God. i was religiously abused and fallen so far off the beaten path, that i didn't think i'd ever go back. however, when i first got sober, i began feeling that "pull" to get back into a relationship with God. it took me many months, many near death experiences, many nites of begging, pleading and promising God....but i finally am on the road. ultram is now my doc, and it is a much scarier drug, imo, to OD on. so many nites i felt that i was being pulled under with a physical force. laying in my bed, FEELING as though there was a hand on my head pushing me down, and KNOWING that if i gave in, i would not wake up. i don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but it was terrifying. i have slowly come around in the last few weeks. i have begun praying regularly and often, teaching the kids to pray, reading the bible with them at nite....went to church for the first time EVER on my own last week and loved it. BUT, other than the crying, the sorrow, and the condemnation, other than asking God to help me, i was unwilling to let go of my addiction. fear held me trapped....i wouldn't be able to work, to function...i didn't want to use anymore, but i didn't want to go through that either. it was such a contradiction...praying, reading the bible, going to church....taking 30 ultram a day. i didn't want to...i would look in my kids eyes and think what am i doing? i know God would help me stop...but i wouldn't let Him. i'd get up the next morning, and forget all the fear and crying and repenting the nite before, and not even TRY to stop taking pills. until now. and i'm scared. but what was ultimately more fearful to me was not that i might die while alone with my kids (which was scary enough), but that i might die and God would turn his back on me. i read a random bible verse the other nite, and it was this one: If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 16:24-5) now, how simple is that? there is my answer right there. DENY MYSELF. that, at that moment, meant put down those pills, walk through what i needed to and follow him. DENY MYSELF. so, i am. today is day one. i am doing everything i can, reading, praying...went to church again this morning and took communion...put the kids in awana on wed nites....i'm going to do this deal, and it is not going to be hard. and you know what? if it is, it is worth it. sorry, if this is a little toooooooooooo much for this forum, if i am against the rules, let me know. i haven't read any posts here yet, wanted to post this while it's on my mind. so, i'm here for the duration....hope to get to know those of you i don't already misti __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

08-26-2007, 05:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,184	With a commitment and asking... Lord I need "Your" strength because I can't do it of my own strength.... To this very day I am still in awe of how the Lord worked in my life. Ask and it will be given. Deny self and let the Lord be your strength. You will reach day two before you know it. One day at a time and you will do it. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

08-26-2007, 07:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
duet_4-8 A work in progress.... Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains Posts: 949	The enemy knows we will be too handicapped to live in consistent victory until we actively believe that we are who God says we are. Praise be to You, the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. You are my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge. Part Your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke. Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy; shoot Your arrows and rout them. Reach down Your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me! (Ps. 144:1-2, 5-7) Father God, I pray that You will cause no weapon forged against me to prevail. Enable me to refute the tongue of my accuser. Thank You for giving this as a heritage to Your servants, O Lord (Isa. 54:17). __________________ Jen "The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place."-Barbara Deangelis

08-26-2007, 09:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
sugarssweetpea Growing, Learning, Living Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Vacationing on earth Posts: 837	Misti, Welcome & thank you for the honesty of your post. I also thank you for the verse. I too need to be reminded of denying myself. In so many areas of this life that God has so graciously given me. __________________ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. ~ Matthew 6:33 Sugarssweetpea

08-27-2007, 06:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	thanks for the thoughts and prayers. i am just now starting to get sick, so i have a long road. i know that i can get through it with prayers and help. at least for the first time in forever, i don't have plans, or thoughts of getting more meds, so that's a good thing. the problem is going to be the getting up and around issue....i am so lethargic the first week or so, usually when i relapse. say a prayer that God will give me strength to do the things that need to be done, and strength to do them well. i know i am going to be tempted, i know this is not going to be easy, but i plan to walk through it. i have to. sounds nuts, but i believe this is my last chance. mis __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

08-26-2007, 06:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
rayofsunshine Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach! Posts: 816	Hi Misti. Nice to meet you. Glad to hear of your new commitment. With God all things are possible. Keep posting.

08-26-2007, 06:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
caileesnana Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: dallas texas Posts: 1,597	God is always there, even when we are mad and running away. Prayers for you! susan

08-26-2007, 10:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 9,998	Misti, I do remember you and I'm so glad you decided to come back and post here. There are so many here who will share and be praying for you too. This link is from the sticky section and I thought it might be helpful for you. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...eferences.html (12 steps and Biblical references) prayers & hugs, cmc

08-27-2007, 06:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
Grasshopper Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Green,green grass of home Posts: 602	My prayers are with you. Go---One Day At A time!!!!!

08-27-2007, 07:59 AM	#10 (permalink)
Melanchonika Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: USA Posts: 56	you are very courageous! i am encouraged myself by your post! i come from a past of spiritual abuse too.....i understand that part. for me it is the REAL underlying 'sickness' i have. to heal from it and be whole again is a hard road. surrounding yoruself with safe people you can trust and see you down the road of health and wholeness is helpful, if not necessary. keep us posted.

08-27-2007, 09:51 AM	#11 (permalink)
emmer The lion sleeps tonight Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 1,779	Hi Misty, I relapsed on codeine many,many times ....but all the support and prayers here helped alot, as well remember the one day at a time thing. I never lived my life ~ one day at a time ~ before going to NA ,and hearing about that way of living. I was always living 2 weeks at a time or a year at a time.......that way of living is a set up for relaps. I also had a bad benzo addiction ...yuk !!! .... and other drugs too. I'm clean now though... .... just keep praying, posting , and keep living one day at a time. We have your back Misti ... Joe __________________ Love conquers all.

08-28-2007, 05:29 PM	#12 (permalink)
Barbara52 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 3,576	You have my prayers that God will help you to feel and use the strength he sends to you.

08-29-2007, 11:57 AM	#13 (permalink)
angelgirl You're never alone!! Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 2,195	Hey Misti So glad you are here. I will be praying for you.. He will be there with you, just keep talking to him.. Becky __________________ ™ Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! Jesus is our teacher and he is our Savior, who takes our prayers and makes them his own.

08-30-2007, 08:03 AM	#14 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	into day four: 13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it. __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

08-30-2007, 09:17 AM	#16 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 9,998	Day #4!!!!! You can do this....and btw you don't "sound nuts" at all...just determined to change. God bless and give you the strength to do what you cannot do by yourself. Amen. He has a wonderful plan for your life. hugs, cmc

08-31-2007, 08:50 PM	#17 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	i am ending day five strong and healthy..........ONLY by the grace of God. I am not keeping myself sober, he is, and he gets all the credit. thank you God __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

09-01-2007, 01:24 AM	#18 (permalink)
Hope Getting Better All The Time Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Recovering Posts: 3,289	God will give you the strength! He is with you and so are we!

09-02-2007, 05:58 PM	#19 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	so ends day seven 1 Cor. 10:13 ...God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it thank you, God for helping me get through this time of trouble, giving me your strength to face each day sober and peaceful. Without you, this cannot be done. __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

09-02-2007, 07:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 9,998	Misti- That's great news, congrats on a week!!!

09-02-2007, 08:40 PM	#21 (permalink)
emmer The lion sleeps tonight Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 1,779	Right on Misti One week !! ... Wow Misti ....you absolutely rock !!! Congrats !! __________________ Love conquers all.

09-12-2007, 09:25 PM	#22 (permalink)
mikiglen Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: here, there, everywhere Posts: 2,122	God rocks as i am now past two weeks I coloss 1:13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. Thank you God, for walking with me all the way, not turning your back on me as you should have so many times. Only with you can I stay clean __________________ Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late

09-12-2007, 09:29 PM	#23 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 9,998	Thanks for sharing and congrats for your 2 weeks!!!

09-13-2007, 05:56 AM	#24 (permalink)
sugarssweetpea Growing, Learning, Living Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Vacationing on earth Posts: 837	You are definately an encouragement!!! Congratulations on over two weeks!! I love the scripture you are using to stay strong. AWESOME!!!!!! __________________ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. ~ Matthew 6:33 Sugarssweetpea

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