May I introduce myself.

[namommy]

Hi, My name is Laurie.

I am new to this forum, but not to SR.

I am sort of new to christianity, but not so new. It's complicated.

I was raised with no religious beliefs at all. After years of addiction, prostitution, dereliction, homelessness, blah, blah, blah, I found recovery in NA.

Through the second step, I found and started to develop a relationship with a higher power. By the time I got to the 3rd step, I had a God of my understanding. By the 11th step, the understanding of that God was still a bit blurry, so I went on a 'quest' so to speak and found my way to the God and Jesus that I believe in today.

I go to church on Sunday morning, I pray and meditate and read the Bible during the week, and I've learned to turn much of my burdens over.

Here is my dilema. The past couple of weeks when it comes time to get ready to go to church or even to pick up my Bible and read, I start to feel this uncomfortable, unmanagability inside. Like something is trying to stop me from reading or going to worship. I know that it is my disease or my personal demons that want to continue to control me, and don't want me to have faith, but they are tough to fight against.

I have been having that feeling for a couple of hours now, so I got my shower early and got dressed in hope that it would make me feel better. It didn't. Then I remembered this forum, and decided I would spend the time before I leave for Mass posting here and trying to relieve my spirit.

Hopefully I will be spending some more time here.

[Alive]

Positivity is in you.Use it..think positive all the time...it will be ok...we have to believe in the Lord's power in our lives!surround yourself with good people....and prayer always makes it right!


take care, nice to meet you here!

[best]

Hello Laurie

Remember me? *LOL*

So good to see you.
When I start getting in a funk, I realize who is trying to put me there and why.

Like something is trying to stop me from reading or going to worship.

Not something but some one.
I find a joy in that because he is telling me that what I am doing is pleasing to God and not to him. Satan will leave us alone for two reasons...
1) We are not doing the right things so he has no reason to pull us off course'
2) We tell him off and tell him who is our Lord. Take a hike satan, Jesus is in control in my house and with that he must leave.
satan will only bother us for one reason... we are doing things right. Sure does fill me with joy when he tells me I am doing things right and then I tell him to take a hike.


For any who have not met Laurie... she is a wonderful lady. Not only do I know her from here at SR, I met her, her husband and son in person. She is such a wonderful lady (and nice looking also.)

[gimmeid]

I grew up rebuking and casting away from me horrible things, to find as an adult or sober they were my own emotions. I carried this immaturity to lengths enough to kill me, and I've learned to not blame the devil for the way I feel.
The devil did unspeakable things -to- Job, but in the end, God held him responsible to mature past the way he felt, thought, and spoke about the whole ordeal.
Denial has always brought troubles too me, not sent them away.

[gimmeid]

I don't mean that to say your doing something wrong. For all I know you could be doing too much right.
My quests had got me nowhere fast by the time I started waking up to the reality of the quest Christ had already made to me.

[namommy]

Thank you all for your replies.

I am having such a hard time right now with life. I always turn to the book of Job when life gets like this, and it reminds me of who is in charge.

[Grasshopper]

Hi and welcome!!!

[caileesnana]

glas you are here! The devil is real and will stop at nothing to destroy your faith and belief on the Lord. Keep reading and believing. God is mightier that Satan!
susan

[emmer]

Hi namommy , I'm sorry your having such a hard time right now with life right now.
At times my own life has been pretty rough. some things i can't even speak of.
anyhow- hello & welcome. Keep posting.

[angelgirl]

Hi Laurie,,

Welcome .. Your post brought me back to being taught just what Best was explaining, that Satan attacks us when we have turned to God, he wants to "bother" us. Make us miserable in a sense. Make us question God.
But it really a good thing, because Satan leaves people alone that he doesn't
worry about trying to win over from God.

This can feel like a tough spot, like you said, having a hard time... Continue to
turn to God.. Pray. He is there for you. He will listen.

You will be in my prayers.
Love,
Becky

[Grasshopper]

Good book that ive found is called---how to survive an attack,by,Roberts Liardon.
Basic points of recovery.
1-pray
2-feed on the Word of God
3-worship
4-confession of the Word
5-have another pray for you
6-listen to good Gospel tapes,read The Holy Bible
7-fellowship with other Christian folks

[namommy]

Thank you, I'll check that out.

[cmc]

Hi namommy,
It's nice to have you as part of this forum! You received such wonderful replies here.

QUOTE]I start to feel this uncomfortable, unmanagability inside. Like something is trying to stop me from reading or going to worship.[/quote]
James 4:7 "Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
This does not say...resist my feelings, resist evil or resist an evil spirit. I tend to take the bible literally and so I just tell the devil himself...'I resist you...leave me alone.' Then I will fill my mind and spirit with the things that Grasshopper listed. Many times what I feel is just...a feeling (like what Gimmeid shared), and I can still use this verse as a tool. If I know what I feel is wrong, simply acting out against it....like going to church anyway...is a good choice. That's like 'fake it till you make it' or 'do the next right thing'.

a bit on warfare:
As a young Christian I was reading various books on the occult such as fortune telling, mind reading and horoscopes to name a few. I unknowingly opened my heart/mind/spirit to these things that appear to be safe, harmless or 'just fun' but looking to His word, it is not so. I got rid of all the stuff and prayed for forgiveness and freedom from any influence of those things in my life. It's that simple. Any experience before salvation or after is dealt with the same...by the work of the Cross. He forgives and fills me with His Holy Spirit- so I will be aware and empowered about spiritual things, but I need to know God's word to recognize these things for what they are.

The blood of Jesus brings us much more than salvation from hell...His work on the cross brought the forces of evil under subjection to HIMSELF. I'm so grateful.

[rayofsunshine]

Originally Posted by By His Blood

Pray immeadiatly ask God to rebuke satan and his demons from your life in Jesus name and they will flee from you

Welcome, NAMommy. This quote was the first thing that came to mind when I read your post. I also like the other replies that sum up you must be doing something right for satan to bother you. It's amazing the peace that washes over you when you pray for the demons to flee in Jesus name. Praying for you!

[Lobo]

Everyday I ask God to deliver my daughter from evil. I also told her when she feels like she is being tempted or attacked by satan to just repeatedly say JESUS.

Keeping you in prayer...............Lois

[gimmeid]

I was raised in a knee jerk religious way, and the insanity I was pulled out of was more than I can put into words. Wild eyed crazy and fresh sober, and going through my fourth step with my sponsor, I learned about things like disgust, that I thought was either the wrath of God being poured on me, or the devil. Just to give you an idea. I outta be in an asylum or on the streets(have been.) There was no natural coming back from where I was. So I'm sensitive to this stuff, having seen it at it's worst. And to top it all off, going through the struggle of seperating my own insanity from very real and serious incidents, where I know I wasn't crazy.

Why should the devil bother much with people who are wandering around in perpetual spiritual make believe? Going about raising eyebrows instead of opening eyes.
You want spiritual warfare? Go about doing and living God's will. Period. Everything else will fall into place. Including any dealings of the type being discussed here. It makes me cringe to see church signs proclaiming 'Spiritual Warfare in 2007! We're not gonna take the devil's mess!' Wonder what personal issues the preacher is burning in conviction over while he teaches the congregation to chase shadows instead of facing themselves.

Guess what people, the fight is over. Finished. Jesus won. Our fight is ourselves, and our human condition. The only grounds the devil has -within- us is where we are in agreement with him. And -to- us, through the same stuff at work in others.
Sickness? Illness? If you have and are capable of properly exercising gifts of healing, discernment, etc, Great. Then do as God shows you, no more and no less. But also, look into James. Instructions are pretty clear, who lives up to them.
I have never been -sifted- that it did not eventually culminate in difficulties and shortcomings I either denied or clung to feircely being burned away.
Growing, overcoming slavery to our natural condition is incredibly difficult. Coming to terms with our instincts run amuck, the seven deadly sins driving our relationships with the people around us, and our self centered emnity with God, one decision at a time, is painful to end all pain. Paul didn't describe 'the other guy', you know, the one we're glad we're not, in Romans. He described all of us. The good, the bad, the ugly. He didn't describe the devil coming along and terrorizing and turning poor innocent people into sinners. He did declare God gave us one and all over to our sins out of our own pride. With one way out, repentance.

[gimmeid]

I wrote the following last year, describing the end of my old life and coming to faith. Maybe some of you could see a little of yourselves in it, not in the same extremes, hopefully, but enough to take thought. I described these happenings colorfully, but exactly as they occured. And after years and years of doing all the rebuking my rebuker could rebuke.


I have had a lifetime of experiences I never asked for, some of them I understand, some of them I dont. The end of my drinking, my mind was broken. Delusion after delusion of being cured, terror of things I saw, mind shredding stuff.
I lay in bed awake every night, my teeth were literally chattering with pure insanity. I felt and saw stuff that was to terrifying to express in any human manner. Human terror has death as a last, pitiful hope.I wasnt human anymore, I was becoming the very demons that tormented me, and I felt I could die without even noticing. It would just continue.
Going into a half sleep, half DT coma one night, I was on a road. God's presence was at one end. I pressed forward towards Him, and the closer I got, the brighter it got, and the shame I carried grew searingly more powerful. Finally, it was literally impossible to draw any closer. The shame and guilt made it impossible to even look.
I turned around. The other direction, it grew darker, and the abyss and nothing that was so terrifying, silence was the only expression. It is impossible to describe it, and impossible to go further.
So I sat down. I felt empty of any feeling or emotion, and I sat, indian style, and set my face like stone.
I came out after that, back to this world and the obsessive compulsive nightmare turning around in my mind.
The next night or so, I was still in the same state. In this world, but still sitting there, where I was, impossibility in any direction.
As I lay there, in bed, sweating and shaking, I demanded audience with Jesus. I declared that He had abandoned me, and had left me to my fate. I demanded an answer with every shred of earnestness in me.
What happened next was the literal beginning of the end of my old life. I became conscious of a presence, standing back, and something else. My own heart. My own heart.. it was like leather, and callouses, nothing like the red, pink thing that beats in my chest, but as in a vision, cold, hard as a rock, like layer after layer of leather, and it was right there for me to see. That was His answer.
At that moment, I became consious of the solid core of hate, anger, just pure rage that was like a solid knot from heart to head. It literally consumed one of my eyes, and I could not open it all the way.
Insanity?
You people want to know what alcoholic insanity is? Is it just getting in a wreck or drinking more than you should, and you dont know why?
I decided tonight, I will tell you what insanity was for me.
The things that had chased me my whole life....
The demons that I commanded depart away from me.. over and over, since childhood as far back as I can remember.
It was all my own twisted, tormented emotions.
The first steps toward sanity cannot be taken without seeing the insanity for what it was. God wasnt sending me to hell,
All along He was waking me up to see the hell I was all ready in.

[rozied]

Dear Gimmied, Thanks for sharing your experiences. My As is 40. He claims to know & love The Lord with his whole heart & I do believe him. He uses scripture against the whole family anytime he screws up. Right now he is bk in jail & I really feel like printing out your last post & sending it to him as The Lord will not be mocked. The anger & rage inside my son for his childhood I believe are keeping him from getting clean & sober. I believe my son is also in a hell of his own making.
Thanx for sharing.
Love & Prayers,
Diane