Prayer for Wisdom!

[chero]

I'm so confused right now. I've been trying to make plans to leave my AH. Even though I'm not sure if it is the right thing to do. I don't know if it's God's will for me to leave or not???

To tell you the truth I don't even know if I care if it's the right thing...I want out of this drama so badly!

Here's the thing. Someone, out of the blue, offered to buy our house today. We hadn't even considered selling but now we are talking about maybe doing it.

The thing is, I feel like maybe this would open the door for me to leave...escape is a better word.

But I don't want to miss God's will...and I need some wisdom!

[best]

Originally Posted by chero

Someone, out of the blue,...

On a clear day when I look ...Up.... I see blue.

Don't rush a sale because you feel a need. Research the price offered and get "your" best price.

Tough times can mean the need for tough measures. If you are in a situation that requires you to leave to remain safe... You need do so.

[cmc]

Chero,
Here is what you shared on another forum:

But something just happen that made me sit up and take notice.

Out of the blue he said I was never going to leave him. He said he used to try to get me to leave but now he just wanted me to know I'm never going to leave. He's said he is locking the door and not letting me go. He was very calm and I stayed calm.
and
Okay, I know what ya'll are going to say. And I will admit, it scared me.

It was so strange and I AM scared or shocked...I don't even know how to feel.

Wisdom demands to take care of first things first. This would mean that you fully realize the seriousness of his threats and past actions. God has provided you with all the words of wisdom from many here who have fortunately survived domestic violence.

Selling your house doesn't matter...if my safety or my life was threatened, I would not care where I lived...or with who. There will always be some 'reason' for you not to go...unless you really want to leave. Making a move like this happens in small steps...but those steps must be in order. Selling your house, getting a legal separation or not....these things are incidental to your having plan of Action to keep yourself safe.

Have you called any of the DV hotlines? I'm guessing that by this time you are feeling so many things that it's hard to sort it out...It's a frightening place to be. Does your family know about your situation? What would you tell "me" to do if it was my husband treating me this way?

Asking for wisdom is always a good thing- I won't pray for you to have more wisdom...I will pray for God to give you the courage to do what He wants you to do. I will never tell you that it will be easy to do these things as I have never experienced this myself. There are many here who do know what it's like. I believe that God lead you to SR to the F&Fof A and to this forum too.

You are loved and we all care for you. Remember- first things first and use what you know and have learned here. That is God's gift to you- He knows and He has provided an outstretche arm to save you...Grab Hold of it. He has plans for you that are good.

[chero]

CMC, I'm so sorry! I dialed the number and kept hanging up. I don't know what to say. I feel terrible about it. I just cried and cried. I'll try again tomorrow.

What would I tell you if the roles were reversed? RUN! RUN! RUN!

You're right, it's courage I lack and not wisdom. And no, my family doesn't know.

I finally told my best friend a little of it tonight and she said, of course, LEAVE!
Guess what I did...I came home....to AH.

Maybe everyone on the friends and family forum is right...it'll take a stretcher.
I don't want that to be true. I'm so scared and I feel so numb.

I don't know how it got this bad? I don't understand how this has happened to me.

[IO Storm]

My EXAH did that following and questioning...until one day I

knew it was time....but I was dumb..

My bag was packed by the door..I was at the end of the dining

table and he was by the doorway.

He was drunk and said "You're cheating on me you w----!

You're crazy and a c--- just like my mom!" He was pounding his

fist on the table and the windows were rattling..

I pretended dialing police but actually called my sister so I

had a witness...she stayed on the line..and he let me go.

I never went back...

Like Duet...you may suffer the aftermath...it was horrible but

worth it.

Chero, you are my friend and I don't want to see you get hurt.

I think you still love him..but as Melody Beattie once said.

"What's to love?" (In the current situation)..And as someone on

F and F said the love will be there after he gets help.

Even then it will take some time...before it would be safe for you.


God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the
mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
-- Psalm 46:1-2




Love,



Sherry

[IO Storm]

Here is one I borrowed from Hope 4 Life from the Sticky....

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass
through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

Isaiah 43:2

I have meditated on this and it has helped through fears...


:

IO

[chero]

Thank you for the verse, IO.

Maybe I do think I still love him. I don't know? I guess I do. I don't know. I just don't know.

I feel like I'm in the runners stance waiting for the gun to fire and start the race.
What am I waiting for?

How many guns have to go off? It's like they've gone off so many times and now I'm deaf to them.

So now what? Just run?

There has to be something wrong me.

[BigSis]

(((Chero))) Nothing is wrong with you that hasn't been wrong for lots of us.

I lost friends who couldn't stand to watch me stay in an abusive relationship. I had people who claimed to "love" me tell me I was stupid and deserving of the abuse because I wouldn't leave.

I am not going to tell you those things, because I remember how much they hurt.

I will tell you that I was advised to make a list of all the reasons I stayed... everything, whether it seemed valid to other people or not... it was MY list and MY reasons.

Once I had my list, my counselor then told me it was ok to return to my abusive situation. But she did tell me one thing.... once I chose to stay, then I was no longer a "victim" - staying was my choice based on my reasons. And when I was ready, I could also choose to leave.

Man, that was empowering!! It moved me into a phase of action... and I did leave, when I was ready.

Got that list going? ((hugs))

[BigSis]

But I don't want to miss God's will...and I need some wisdom!

What will that look like? My Higher Power speaks to me through others... when I keep getting the same message over and over, it occurs to me it might be God's Will and I am ignoring it because I want MY will.

Happens to me over and over again... you'd think I'd learn, eh? (grin)

[prodigal]

I don't post here often; I'm usually over on F&F. However, I felt led to respond here to Chero's request for wisdom. God gives us a balanced mind. If we are living in the flesh and trying to solve our problems in the flesh we end up at one extreme or the other. I was in precisely this same situation several months ago. I was running around driving MYSELF crazy trying to figure out how to deal with AH, how to get AH out of my life, where to go, what to do, etc., etc.

Then I got still and started listening to God. From a purely Christian perspective, God wants us to come to Him and lean on Him for our strength. Right now it sounds as if all you need to do is get into the Word, pray, pray, and then pray some more, and step aside and let God be God. He will take care of you in this situation and speak to your spirit and let you know what to do. The Holy Spirit speaks softly and gently, so if we're jumping up and down and freaking out, we'll miss His message.

You are in a bad situation. As I posted over on F&F to you, I walked out on exAH at 11 pm on a Sunday night after he began threatening me and attacking me. I had no idea where I was going at that particular moment. Looking back on that situation, the Lord took care of me every step of the way. I had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a job and a car. Not much else, but whatever I truly needed was given to me, courtesy of a loving God.

I believe God imparts wisdom to us through other people, but the bottom line is this: He speaks to our spirit, not our flesh. However, if you feel you are going to be physically threatened by AH in any way, please get out. THAT is wisdom and just plain old common sense. You need to stop reacting to your AH, and if that means leaving, then step out in faith and God will walk with you every step of the way.

[chero]

I know you are right, Prodigal. I know everyone is right.

[cmc]

Chero,
It's not so much a right or wrong thing but that everyone here cares about you, very much.
Here is a prayer for you:

Lord please guide my steps, make my mind and heart line up with Your will for me. Please give me the strength, wisdom and courage to do what You want me to do. Help me to listen to your voice and heed your words to me.
Thank you Lord for being with me and for Your loving guidance.
I seek to do Your will.
Amen.

[rayofsunshine]

Praying for strength and courage for you Chero.
Sorry you're going through this. (((HUGS)))

[chero]

Thanks for the prayer, CMC.

I feel like I'm walking forward but I have completely lost sight of the light.

[IO Storm]

Chero...

You are frozen and numb......

Just keep movong a step at a time...and the Lord will guide those steps.

Love,



Sherry