Fear

[divinedesign21]

I've been suffering from fearfulness lately and I know that God does not want me to live this way. What I'm really scared of is myself. I don't seem to want to allow success into my life. I sabotage everything good that comes my way. I want to have a high self esteem. How do you go about building self esteem?

Failing
Every
Aspect of
Recovery

[cmc]

Welcome to SR! I'm glad to see you here!

"Perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18

Unless it is a holy fear of God...fear does not come from Him. James 4:7 "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." I don't resist the fear but who sends it.

This is an option (perk) open to those who have accepted Jesus in their heart.

Once I accept what Christ has done for me, confess my sins to Him and acknowledge Him to be Lord in my life- there is _really_ no more room for fear. I am safe in Him. Yet I still face fear...sometimes I face some downright difficult stuff. Nowhere in the bible does it say that life will be easy...

I run to Him and pray "Lord help me." and I know He is with me through whatever it is. I gain strength each time I have to face my fears- and over time and practice things do get better.

There is no guarantee that I will not ever be afraid this side of heaven. Having Jesus as my savior, reading His word, praying and belonging to a loving church family are all things that can help me deal with fear.

Doing these things will increase my faith.

My faith and trust in Him help to conquer fear. If I lack faith or need more it's there for the asking if I pray and seek Him.

[toad]

Originally Posted by divinedesign21

I've been suffering from fearfulness lately and I know that God does not want me to live this way. What I'm really scared of is myself. I don't seem to want to allow success into my life. I sabotage everything good that comes my way. I want to have a high self esteem. How do you go about building self esteem?

Failing
Every
Aspect of
Recovery

Hello divinedesign,

Have you worked a 4th step? I understand from my own experiences with my alcoholism and addictions that fear was one of the main motivators. Only after working a fourth step with the help of my sponsor, and then doing a 5th step, was I able to come to some understanding of the fears that were driving me.

I guess my next question is do you attend meetings, and do you have a sponsor?

Here's what the Big Book of alcoholics Anonymous has to say about fear, share this with me..........

"This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brough us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

"We review our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse."
(Alcoholics Anonymous pages 67-68)

The Big Book of AA goes on to say that God is the answer and instead of self-reliance we must have more God-reliance.

Faith and fear cannot operate together, so faith must be the solution to the fear problem. When I let go and let God have the things in my life that I could not do anything about, then God was able to do for me what I could not do for myself..........toad

[SaTiT]

A minister had to re-translation the bible for me.
It didn't happened over night..lots of one on one sessions.
The bible has been translated so many time throught different langues.
And the style of writing were different back when.
Have you ever read instructions in enlish on stuff made out of china...it's wacked ain't it?

Fear GOD...that was a tough one for me..becuase I run for the hills.
Plus a combination of my parents telling me..."god is going to get ya
if you don't behave."

LOVE god...it took me a while to re think it or accept it

Sin...really, really tough on this one, becuase i had an endless list of it.
Mistakes...I made a lot of mistakes in my life...i learned from my mistakes.

Sin= falling short of what I'm capiable of. Will... to correct that, I need to
sober up and learnd how the be the 1st rated/better part of me which i'm
capiable of.

FEAR..is fualts evidents apperience real.
God gave me a mind to use...but my mind started using me and control me
with fear...Fears are illusions create by my mind.
You know...the apple..the friut of knowelge..it's just our ego/lower/evil mind.
Survival instink...gone hay wired or out of control.

Follow your heart...well, go to my heart so the mind dosn't think anymore,
where the mind can't control me thur...thoughts > emotions> reactions.
Will, how do you control the mind.?..A simple command while I'm in my heart.
" i'm in control."..."stop" Then you can direct it and use it as god intented it.
where is JC ??? in the heart...yes?

[Fluttering]

Where there is fear there is no room for God...We do not apologize for our God...[BB]

We ask that we be given the strength to face our fear....then we ask ---anything asked in Jesus name it will be granted...That is a promise given to us in the Bible. We ask the fear be removed.

It is not uncommon for our fears to once again rear their ugly heads....It happens often and yes we are our own greatest enemy...but also Satan is much like our foe Alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful. So we must ask ourselves what are the fears...where do they come from and then Ask God, in Jesus Name to allow us the Grace to waer the spirital armor to defeat this foe as well. this spiritual warfare truly is very much like the war waged between David and Goliath... Ad we can and do win the victory...if we work at it.

It was through a number of fourth steps and having both a spiritual mentor and a sponsor that I was able to face my greatest fear --which was myself.

Fear takes up space where God wants to dwell. Feqr can keep you fro the sunlight of the spirit....

Thank you for your honesty--All we really have is a daily repreive based on our Spititual condition.

[divinedesign21]

I did my fourth and fifth steps with my sponsor but she's not my sponsor anymore. I posted in another section on this forum "Frustrated with sponsorship."

I am looking for a new sponsor and will be starting my step work all over again.

I was mainly asking about self esteem though. How have some of you developed your self esteem?

[toad]

Originally Posted by divinedesign21

I did my fourth and fifth steps with my sponsor but she's not my sponsor anymore. I posted in another section on this forum "Frustrated with sponsorship."

I am looking for a new sponsor and will be starting my step work all over again.

I was mainly asking about self esteem though. How have some of you developed your self esteem?

I heard an old-timer once say that what we needed was not self-esteem, but self-respect. He went on to say that how we develope self-respect was to find someone we respected for the right reasons, and do what they do.

Self-esteem is an inside job........

May you have the favor of God upon you as you find a new sponsor, and may you be blessed and prosper in all ways.........toad

[Fluttering]

Self-estreem, self-confidence, self respect, they will all come in time.. As you grow aong your spiritual path you will see..

Don't let others define you...Lie toad said...it is an inside job

******************************************

The longest journey is the journey inwards

[IO Storm]

Divinedesign21:

As far as biblical references go, cmc gave just the ones I

would have shared with you. She is truly a great spiritual

support in time of need.

You, as we all do at times, are suffering an internal stress.

Is it possible you are thinking about having "to do" your steps

again with a new sponsor? Unless the new one asks it of you,

maybe you will just share the step work you have already

done. Give it over to God and believe He will guide the new

sponsor and you and give you peace.

That is what recovery is all about.

We will all be praying.

Love,

:

Sherry

[SaTiT]

I had low self esteem when i first got sober.
Becuase my mind was so aware of everything about me and
all the flaws I have. I read a book " reclaiming your self esteem"
A lot of suggestions and tools in there that I can apply.

My sponsor also suggested that I look myself in the mirror
everyday and tell myself, I love myself.
yes...very silly and very corny...I thought it was stupid.lol
I ALLOW myself to do it .lol
But i try it, gradually i started laughing at myself,
graudaully i begin to smile at myself
Did it for over 60 days...
JC said "Be of good cheers for I've overcame the world"...okay.lol

The 4th step is just a simple list of my asset and liabilities
I had a harder time making my assets list.
My sponsor would step in and tell me to do an assets
When he notice i started beating myself up.
i had a heck of a time with the word moral.
So i had to do baby steps
i like oranges , i don't like lama beans
I like ice cream, i don't like pie......and so on and so forth.
Just getting to know me better....i did'nt even knew who i was.

I work the 12 steps over and over again
to peel layers and layers away.

The forth step was a lesson in forgivness..for me.
I had to learn to forgive myself of mistakes i've made
I had to learn how to forgive others...intentional/non intentionally hurted me.

Knowing that i'm not perfect...I slowly expected less of others to be perfect.
Also..if i know others are not perfect...I know they are not better than me.
I became less judgmental of myself and of others..
knowing this...my self esteem increased

i took one of those online self esteem test...my self esteem is above 90.
which is very high. compare to how i was.

Just beucae I forgive someone dosn't mean I have to put myself
in the posistion to be hurted again. i can trun the other cheek
and trun my butt n walk away too.

I seldom use the words right and wrong now...when it comes to dealing with poeple.
I use healthy or unhealthy...so I can evaluate.
I do this...it's becuase i have a problem with the word Judging.
It's becuase i was drilled over and over again and judging was a sin to me as a child.
I had to make sometype of a judgement....It's just certain words that triggers me sush as morals.
Everybody is different..

[Over_It]

Positive self-talk and refuse to give the devil any help - No negative self talk.

"I am a new creation in Christ Jesus," over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over...

"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life." John 6:58

Renew your mind - fill it with the word of God. Read it, speak it, listen to it. \

I was sitting on a plane once - I hate flying. I was so fearful. Not fearful of flying, but fearful of falling out of the sky. I had my bible with me and looked up "fear" in the little section in the back. I was led to a verse in Matthew that said, "Can worrying add even one hour to your life?" (In my nkjv it says, "can you add one more cubit to your stature?," but it's the same idea.) Nope. Worry can't change a thing, except remove joy.

Don't waste any of your precious life worrying or thinking down on what God has for you in your life. Make a concerted effort with everything in your being to actively thank God for his plan for your life and research your bible to be confident in what that is.

Jer 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

You must be pretty special!!! On top of all that, Jesus loves YOU enough that he came down from heaven to die on the cross and save YOU from sin and death. Let that one go past your mind and sink down into your heart. Wow!

Who are we to argue with the God of the universe when he loves us? Let us love (the verb) ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. I'm not talking about pride, but about honoring the truth of what Jesus has done for us. God is holy and sovereign, and loving.

"I am a new creation in Christ Jesus."

www.abundantplace.org . Deanna was pretty down on herself as she was in a real bad place in her life and felt she was unworthy - it can be crippling. She has had an incredible journey. She's written a couple of books - you may like them.

God bless you!

[best]

Fear can be an anchor that holds us down.
Not trying I fail.
Trying and not doing it right I learn.
Not doing it right is not failure...it is learning and growing.
I tend to be a perfectionist when I set my goals. I stopped getting upset or lowering my self-esteem when my goals didn't fully get reached when I realized where my skills, knowledge and talents have limits till I learn more.
Progress not perfection.
A healthy perspective towards life is what I found in these words...

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

and finding that no matter what I do or how I do it...God will use all things for His glory.

[divinedesign21]

Funny, I went and looked at cars today. Went to a dealership where a friend from AA sells cars. He had given me his card awhile back. So we were sitting there talking and I told him I was looking for a sponsor and he says, "My girlfriend's got fifteen years, she would make a great sponsor." So he gave me her number. Now I can't find it anywhere! I go back to pick up the car monday so i'll ask him for it again!

[toad]

Originally Posted by divinedesign21

I told him I was looking for a sponsor and he says, "My girlfriend's got fifteen years, she would make a great sponsor."

Is that odd? Or is it God?

[gimmeid]

That's good, grab hold of someone you can trust, still up to you to decide to trust em.
Dittos what Toad said-
And struck me right off, your post sounded like me. I go back through notebooks before I quit drinking where I wrote all about fear and what it robbed me of, etc.
Bunch of crap. I wasn't getting honest with myself about what 'it' was.
Trust God and clean house.