Giving Up Church

[karlee]

I have been goingto anaddictions program through my church. I attened for 6 months then quit. I have been
going for about a year now. About 2 months ago, I tried to commit sucide. It was everything. The drugs, alcohol, my husband(he is very controling and abusive), extended family, and lots of other stuff...I did apologized to my couselor....However, my couselor and the other people at the church are not talking to me. I really need to talk to someone about some things. I even called the pastor. I keep getting I will call you back and I never get a call. There has been many other people that has quit the addictions program. I believe this has to do with all the leaders (couselors etc..) always passing judgement instead of perhaps just listening..Sometimes that is all we need, is just someone to listen to us..I do not know why, but I have been having things come up from my past. I was molested by my dad. Then at the age of 21, I was s*xually tormented and harassed by a couselor for 4 months. I was pregnant with my second child at the time. This man told me he would take my child(only child at the time) away from me if I did not obey him. He was a military officer and noone believe me..Finally, several women came forward...Well, anyway I try to talk to my couselor about these things. She keeps telling me that I need to forgive them and forget it. She tells me to stop living in the past...She will not even let me talk about it...Now noone at the church is talking to me since I tried to commit sucide.
I screwed up. I understand this...However, why should I bother going anymore..I am at the point that I do not even know what I believe anymore. I am starting to think all Christians are hypocrites. I just give up...

[best]

Originally Posted by karlee

I screwed up.

NO!

You did not screw up.
From what you say... they screwed up BIG TIME.
I would say... How Dare They!

I am so sorry this happened. You need to find a good counselor. One that listens and doesn't tell you to forget about the past. We all need find answers and forgetting about the past is not how we do so.
This makes my blood boil.

What I would say is... forget about them and look for a good church and a good counselor. A church and counselor that do not judge us but are there to help us find answers and the truth.

[Ann]

Karlee, I agree with Best that you did the right thing by reaching out, and shame on them for behaving so badly.

Don't give up, all people are not like them. Find another church or program and take good care of yourself because you are worth it...yes you are!!

Hugs and Prayers for you.

[lilac]

No, you did not screw up !

I would find me another counselor and another church.....It makes me rage when "good" church members act like these people have. A church is not for perfect people , it is for broken people. You should be able to get the love and support you need without judgement. God is the only one that can judge us ..... sorry to rant, I feel for you, and am sorry you are hurting.

[CarolD]

Awww....how sad for you!
Mega Hugs and Prayers for your peace.

Have you been doing AA or NA as well
as the church program?

And I totally agree with Best!
You stay strong and survive the shunning.
I had no idea that was still practiced
in any modern day religion.

Keep posting with us...you are with friends here.

Blessings

[Anna]

I am so sorry that you have had to face such a rejection from your Church counsellors and members. That is so unfair to you and please know that they are wrong. You need to find another Church or counsellor or AA or whatever will work for you. Please don't give up.

[Chance]

I understand! I no longer go to church, however I attend NA Daily. That is my Spiritual Program and my HP is everywhere. One thing this is part of your journey just as it was part of mine. Someday you will use this part of your journey to help someone else. Keep the faith and keep doing this for you.

With Love and Respect

Vic

[TonyB]

Karlee,
I don’t post in this thread that much, but your experience has inspired me to step out from behind the curtain. First off, let me just express my deep sorrow for the things you have had to endure. I share Best’s sentiment of anger with our fellow Christians that have once again failed to reach-out to someone in need.
My advice is simple. Pray. Like you have never prayed before. Speak to the Lord from your heart and He will hear your prayers. Keep praying. The Lord loves you very much and He will guide you. You have but to become willing and seek Him with your whole heart. Put your complete faith in God and trust that He will deliver you from these trying times.
I have a little bit of experience with counselors too. There is no way they should not be willing to let you delve into your past. It’s only through understanding our pasts that we can look to make changes for our futures. I would seriously consider seeking a qualified substance abuse counselor outside of the church.
TB

[Grasshopper]

My prayers go out to you.Had somewhat a similar experience,only it was with AA folks.Everytime i wanted to talk,i was judged,and told go help others.You are right,when you say sometimes we just need to talk.I felt i was in the wrong place.I felt like i was,,,ya know i still today cant find the right words for how i was feeling.thing is,that i felt all alone,when i needed help badly.It was a turning point for me.This was the spring-board,that brought me to my knees asking God ---help!!!it started my relationship with God.reading,and asking the holy Spirit to help me,guide me as im learning the Holy Bible.My pain,was healed.Came to the point in my life where i can say,Forgive them Lord,for they know not what they do.It was very painful to go through this,but God turned it to something good...Today when seeking guidence,i pray and ask God to direct me,to the folks He would have me go to.And i have found some really compassionate folks,understanding folks,,with ears/guidence.And i pray some more.Only God can heal my hurting soul.

[BigSis]

Just as I have found "sick" meetings, and been horribly treated and terribly disappointed, so do I think there are also other 'sick' groups... clubs, service groups... and even congregations.

Changing groups does not mean giving up on the whole organization. Another church in the same denomination, another denomination in the same town, or even a church out of town might bring you some new perspective.

But most of all, I agree with Tony... pray for precisely what you want and act as if it has already been granted... you might be surprised at how QUICKLY things will change around you.

(((hugs)))

[GlassPrisoner]

Are you in any type of 12 step program ?

We addicits and alkies NEED to speak to other alkies and addicts. You can get some of your spiritual bread from the church, but my experience has shown nothing works like working with others (alkies and addicts).

Unless your counsers are ex/recovering users, they really can't relate fully to your problems. Not can they share their experience, strength and hope.

[serina]

Karlee -

I agree with what everyone said. look for a new counselor and church. that is not acceptable behavior. also, i recently read a book that encouraged me by Stormie Omartian. she is a Christian and was abused as a child. she was suicidal for years with depression and fear. maybe you could read it. i've read it twice. i'm sorry for what happened to you.

[IO Storm]

Karlee:

A member of my family just asked for help. She has not stopped doing

what she does, but the pastor of a very large recovery church is

counseling with her. Her first and only step is to write out all the

feelings she is dealing with as they are crushing her , and the memories

of the past that are tormenting her mind.

Pastor is guided by God's wisdom, I know, as she has been wounded

far beyond most women I know, even as exposed to in my career as

social worker. Just writing out the pain as it hits and attending

a weekly church service and counseling session.

That is enough for now. I see God working.

Karlee, there are thousands of ministers and millions

of "church people" with this type of heart for recovering, deeply

wounded people. Jesus himself came to heal the broken hearted,

to set the captives free, to make the lame to walk again, and cause

the blind to see. And there is a place for you.

I agree with Big Sis and Tony, prayers have already gone

up for you, and continue. Add your own from your heart

and leave it to God, thanking him for the answer.

Stand back and watch what happens.

It works.

Love,



Sherry

[rayofsunshine]

Karlee, I'm so sorry you are hurting. I agree with the others. It's time to change churches. Their not all that way, I promise! Maybe try visiting several in your area to find one that makes you feel at home. I'm actually in the process of changing churches myself, in preparing for my AH release from prison. There's alot of good people in my church, but my pastor is not supportive of those with addiction. He's never had experience in this area and has made it clear he's not a conselor. When we went to him to talk when my AH was struggling with his addiction before his arrest, it was all he could do to pray and hurry us out of his office. So I've made a point to visit other churches when I have a chance, either visiting preaching services or by going to special singings. We're planning on visiting other churches together when he is released to find a place we can fit in and grow in the Lord. So keep looking! Don't give up. You are worth it. God loves you so much!

[dontcareinmi]

"Sometimes that is all we need, is just someone to listen to us"

Jesus has never turned anyone away - when I have problems, I like talking to my friends, family, church but nothing can sooth my soul like a heart to heart talk with God

--------------------------------------------------------
How long has it been, since you talked to the Lord,
And told Him your heart's hidden secrets?
How long since you prayed,
How long since you stayed,
On your knees 'til the light shone through?
How long has it been since your mind felt at ease,
How long since your heart knew no burden?
Can you call Him your friend,
How long has it been,
Since you knew that He cared for you?

How long has it been since you knelt by your bed,
And prayed to the Lord up in Heaven?
How long since you knew,
That He'd answer you,
And would keep you the long night through?

How long has it been since you woke with the dawn,
And felt that the day's worth the living?
Can you call Him your friend,
How long has it been,
Since you knew that He cared for you?

How long has it been since you talked with the Lord,
And told Him your heart's hidden secrets?
How long since you prayed,
How long since you stayed,
On your knees 'til the light shone through?

How long has it been since you woke with the dawn,
And felt that the days' worth the living?
Can you call Him your friend?
How long has it been,
Since you knew that He cared for you?

[IO Storm]

Karlee: Hope all is well for you today sweetie.

Dontcareinmi:

Ohmigosh: Where did you find this?

My mom and I were talking the other night about this song...

When I was 3-7 in my old pentecostal church our pastors

at the time were close friends to my family and both gifted

in song. They sang this often. Thank you so much for

sharing it's full version!

These were precious people, they became missionaries to

Africa, the mother and dad eventually succumbed to

malaria and something else, as vaccinations were not as

effective then as now. They will always hold a special place

in my heart.

Thanks again.


Love,



Sherry

[Fluttering]

Remember they too are human and do human things...

Find another solution ...a different church... People are people and sometimes we come across those that place their own beliefs or whatever in the way...

If you are in an abusve marriage --do you thnk God would be happy about you allowing that on the precious child you are..

I might suggest you concider how you view recovery...and what it is that you want...

when we are up against the wall...sick and tired of being sick and tired that is the place we need to be to make healthy changes

[LeftBehind]

It's true that you have to look to God at some point for your help and not expect other imperfect people (with problems of their own) to solve all of your problems; however, these people don't sound like they are really qualified to counsel you. What I mean is, they don't understand. They are still in the "why can't you get over it" mentality which shows their lack of grasp of this issue. Good intentions aren't enough. They need to take the time and work at understanding and mature to the point where they can actually be of some use to people in your position. Honestly, I would move on and start trying different meetings and churches until you find something that starts to work and then stick with it and work it (don't leave). My two cents only.

[Johneebegood]

Karlee, Sure you will find some hypocrites in church... But it is far better to be in Church with some of them than in Hell with all of them... My prayers are with you today