New!Hard Month

[karlee]

I am a 41 yr. female addiced to opiates, alcoholic, self-cutter, have an eating disorder, and am a manic-depressive. I also have elipsey and other health issues. First, my middle brother tried to attacke me at my parents' house. He would of seriously hurt me or killed me, if it were not for my dad. This caused me to have a grand-mal seizure. Then the next day I ended up in the Er because of cutting both legs really bad. Then a favorite cousin died from a blood clot caused by a broken leg. He was 46 years old. Then I was back at the doctor's office because of bleeding stomach ulcers. A few days later, a young nephew was ran over by a family friend. The driver is facing may be facing a prison term of 8 to 15 years. She had a nervous breakdown over it. I am torn between of wanting her to go to prison. Yet, feeling she has punished herself. Yet again, she was very neglectful and this accident should never ever happen. Then I was back at the doctors because of my escophcus was bleeding because of vomiting cause of my eating disorder. Then my brother and his girlfriend caused an major issue. It upset me so bad that I had another grand-mal seizure. My dad had to c all the cops and I was almost hospitalized over it.I am in addiction cousling program through a sound Christian church. However, my couselor and perhaps most of the couselors there has had it with me. The same with the women in my class. This is because I have gone to class high or drunk several times in the past year or so. I have been in the ER for almost overdosing at least 2 times during this time. They say I am not serious. Yet, I do not know what they want. First, they told me to tell my doctors my issues. I have told them my issues. Now I do not know what more they want from me. It has been so hard for me this month. My pychrist put me on valium to calm me down. Many things have happen that I haven't said and the things I have said. Then my couselor told me I have nothing to fear, if I am saved. However, my husband can be a very controling and abusive person. They just do not seem to understand. In the 2 years, I went for 6 months and quit for severl months. Then went again for about 6 months and quit for a few weeks. I now been going for a year. I am about to quit for good this time. I just can't seem to stay away from the drugs and everything. I haven't thrown up in 5 days and haven't done the self-cutting today. I did drink and used today. It just so hard..Perhaps, tomorrow will be better. I keep trading one thing for another..I been struggling with these issues since I was about 13 yrs. I am so tire of all this...I worry about
passing this down to my kids. My 16 yr. daughter has recently been diagnoised has being a manic-depressive.
Perhaps, if I had been diagnoised at a young age. Then I wouldn't have so many issues now. However, I was molested as a child and later s*xually attacked by a cousleor when I was 21 yrs. old.

[cmc]

Welcome to SR. There are several forum here besides this one that I think will be of help to you. Take a look around and please read the stickys at the top of each page. There are some excellent biblical resources to be found in the stickys on this forum. I hope you will take some time to read them.

You are not alone and there are many here at SR who will come along and share with you: how it was for them, what they did and how it is now.


You are always welcome here on this forum, but I suggest you also post in some of the areas that apply directly to some of the particular problems you mentioned- this way you will get more specific replies.

I look forward to seeing you around. Please keep coming back.

[rayofsunshine]

I want to welcome you to SR too. Theres alot of good support and encouragement here. Keep reading and posting. You will gain a lot of knowledge and get lots of needed support.

Just my opinion from reading your post, you do seem to have alot of things that you are suffering from, and although you are trying your best, what you're doing doesnt seem to be working at this time. Maybe try something different. Try another christian recovery group in your area maybe, or maybe an in-patient recovery program. Try to focus on you and your recovery and don't participate in any arguments your husband might invite you to. You are worth the effort, keep trying! I'm praying for you and sending (((HUGS))).

[best]

Welcome to SR.

As I read I am reminded of Job's three friends... they blamed him... your not serious enough... you must be doing something wrong...

I can picture Job sitting there the same as you and thinking...what do they want? I have done all I know and tried what they tell me.

Job was rightious in God's sight. Through his whole struggle he continued to praise God. His sruggle was long and tough but in the end of the struggle God gave him back ten fold in blessings.

Paul in his struggles cried out and God replied... My grace is sufficiant.

Seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be given unto you.

I see our mental heath can be affected by three things... morals, faith, or chemical balance. Look over your own life and see if there are areas that need change and change what you can. If you feel you need more faith...ask for it. If I was in your shoes...I would talk with my Dr and ask about treatments that are available to help with the manic-depression.
We do what we can and ask God to help along the way. When we reach points that we can't...ask God to fully take over and help us change where needed.