TOPIC: Would You Share Ur ESH On The Process/Decision Of Letting Ur HP In Ur Life?

[aasharon90]

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent had
a drink of alcolol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely
grateful.

Would you like to share your own
ESH on the process and decision
on letting ur HP of ur understanding
into ur life?



Step Three: Made a decision to
turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood Him.


"Faith, to be sure, is necessary,
but faith alone can avail nothing.
We can have faith, yet keep God
out of our lives. Therefore our problem
now becomes just how and by
what specific means shall we be
able to let Him in."

My process to let my HP in on a
daily bases is thru prayer and
meditaion. The process of helping
others here and there by sharing
my own experiences strengths and
hopes of what it was like before
during and after alcohol.

To turn my Will and Life over
constantly for my HP to guide
me and strengthen me and Thy
Will be done.

He is within me each time I
accept life and circumstances
just as they r suppose to be.



Thanks for letting me share.

[TryingisDying]

I always had God in my life and it is a important part of my life....BUT when I hit bottom and felt like I was dying, I then was ready to have him help me. I realized at that point that he was the only thing that could help me. BUT I had to really hit a painful bottom to understand this

[best]

To know Him is to love Him and the best way I have found to get to know Him is by reading His words.
Reading the bible is what helped and still helps me better understand God.
Daily giving up my free will and asking Him to guide my every step allows His spirit into my life.

[IO Storm]

My decision was made for me. I crashed desperately, health ruined in early May, 2006. I had been on here
under another name.
My daughter took the reins and turned me out of my mother's home. I was on the street...for about one hour.
MY EXABF wonder of wonders, like the Good Samaritan
picked me up and secured housing for me. I stopped using
on June 8, (I hid it from him of course, I couldn't stop the amphetamines) and have slowly, so slowly started back.
My Story:
I had stopped drinking Feb. 8 2006. I continued abusing pills and had a profound gambling addiction that eventually led to theft.
Facing legal issues and the alienation of family members,
I was under medical care and my doctor feared the worst about my test results. I had lost most of my hair.
I felt hopeless, in shock recalling my actions. I asked God, why, how could I have done those things? Why?
One day in mid-June I was lying on the bed in my hotel room staring into space. I was asking God to give me the strength and forgiveness to..get it over and done with..
I wanted to go and be with my Daddy and our 3 unborns......I was waiting for poor BF to bring my car home. I planned to drive to the country and use the small knife I had concealed in my purse.
It seemed at that moment my mind cleared and I heard the TV. It had been on but my mind had not heard anything but the voices inside...I heard the voice on the TV.
I sat up and looked and an Afro-American minister was praying in the Spirit, and he turned, looked at me, pointed at me, and said
"You will not kill youself today. You will not commit suicide today because you are too precious to the most High God."
He prayed in the Spirit briefly, and I said aloud. "Lord. I accept this for me."
I have not used since that day. I have been diagnosed and am treated for a severe bipolar Type I condition, but have had no delusions of any kind.
I have reunited with my family. And what grace, I fell into my mother's arms later that evening. When I told her I was so sorry for stealing from her, she cried and thanked God and said, "Honey I forgave you while you were doing it".
I had to be shown that if fallible human beings could still love me after such injustices done them then a perfect God must love me even more.

For me it was not so much my decision of letting God in.
He would not let me go.

Love,

IO Storm
"God holds me still in the eye of the Storm".

[aasharon90]

You guys are absolutely right in ur sharing....

Thank you Best for inspiring me about reading
the bible. Trying....i did hit bottom as well 16
yrs ago and turned my will and life over to
Him for guidance.

Storm...sharing your story is exactly how its done
to stay on the road of recovery....sharing ur
own ESH with me and others gives us hope.

After yrs of being in recovery i do know what
has to be done in order to stay on the path...

But i find myself veering off from time to
time and i believe that is what causes
chaos in my life....

Yes, i have to confess i have gotten off
the path and its because im only human...

I know things that i do arent always right
in the eyes of God....Im guilty....

I stuggle with my weakness on a daily
bases and ask for forgiveness and strength
to dust myself off and pick myself off and
begin again....

I think admitting that im a sinner is important
to me...it keeps me grounded and allows me
to ask for that forgiveness in order to stay
in the good graces of my HP.

Remember when u went to confession
as a child if u r Catholic and the priest
would give u prayers to say afterwards....

How many Act of Contritions did u have to
say or Hail Mary's or Our Fathers?

Prayers of FORGIVENESS...

I need them....

Thanks guys for helping me....
reminding me of whats important
in my recovery...

Stay true to myself and the Man
upstairs.

[best]

Originally Posted by aasharon90

I stuggle with my weakness on a daily
bases and ask for forgiveness and strength
to dust myself off and pick myself off and
begin again....

What I find works a little better...
Knowing that I struggle daily... every morning when I start my day asking for His help before I start my day sure does cut down on how much forgiveness I need ask for at the end of the day.

[Krys_wyo]

I am a big football fanatic, i love movies about football so that is what God sent to me to slap me upside my head.
My husband and I were renting movies, i seen a football one and got it, didnt read much into the words on the back just seen it was a football movie.
Needless to say by the end of this movie both of us were in tears (as we were most of the movie) but it hit how turning my life over to him is the only way and so I did.....I found God and i didnt know he was missing.
The movie is awesome everyone should see it, it is called ......Facing the
Giants........no big actors or famous names just a awesome movie.
"With God all things are possible" ......by the end of this movie if ya didnt believe it before you will after!!!

God has always been in my life I see that now, i have just never fully let him into my heart. Since I have I feel lighter, the hate i have carried for the man who molested me years ago is gone, it has been replaced with empathy for him, i forgive him for what he did, i will never forget but i can forgive.
Life seems to be getting a little better everyday, things are going right, and I know it is because of my choice to open my heart.
I bought a cd with a bunch of worship songs (I can only imagine) and i blast it loud and proud and sing along.
Today is my 35th birthday, and I shocked my Mother when she asked what i wanted i replied "a bible".... she cried.
My daughter bought me a shirt and gave it to me last night so i can wear it today, it is a blue tie dyed color with the words "With God All Things Are Possible" on the front and on the back " See, I am doing a new thing! I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
I cant wait to get my new bible, i cant wait to put on my shirt, i cant wait to help others see the path that has been lit up with a beautiful light to me.


It is amazing to think that i have been sober for almost 9 months and thought i was so far ahead but then to read what step 3 says and realize i am still such an infant in my recovery!

[BigSis]

Hi Sharon,

When I first got into program, I chose the power of 12-step - the program success itself - as my "higher power". I figured it had been around for decades and had helped many people. This kept me going just fine for several months, even as I started step work.

But when it came time to "turn my life over"... I realized I could not do that. I really didn't trust you guys enough to turn MY LIFE over to you! (today, I might make a different choice, but this was then).

My sponsor asked me to think about creating my own Higher Power... not out of whole cloth, but taking what I felt to be true and taking out the parts that felt painful and hurtful. She asked me if I believed that my HP would REALLY want to punish me and hurt me the way I believed when I walked in.

I listened to her, but didn't "absorb" her comments for a very long time... I just put the whole idea of HP on hold. Then I met a man who had been in program a very long time. A smart, logical, scientific thinking man... who I admired very much.

He told me he didn't HAVE to know what his Higher Power looked like. He did not HAVE to understand the nature of his God. He did not have to have ANY IDEA what HP was about.... his job, was to let go of trying to control his life and all the things around him.

That struck me. No one knows. We can imagine, but NO ONE on earth can say for certain they know what God looks like. What color are His eyes, His hair, His skin... or even if He has any! None of the ideas that I had been told of what God was about fit MY conception of unconditional love. It was such a relief to realize... I didn't HAVE to know!

My part was letting go...

I can believe that the universe has a natural state that is peaceful and has a tendency to move toward that state.

I can believe that a thousand gods are vying for my attention and will bestow gifts upon me in return for my belief.

I can believe in an old man with flowing robes.

I can believe in a light.

It doesn't matter whether I believe in Him. It matters if He believes in me.

I believe that good things will happen in my life - even without my fiddling. As I expanded my awareness, I began to "see", to "notice" when those things happened. This was "evidence of" a Higher Power working in my life.

Once I expanded my awareness, I discovered I could accept that some things were happening outside of my direct influence in life - things I could not easily explain. After I was aware, and accepted that "something" was happening, I began to be able to "let go" and allow these things to happen.

In letting go, I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to God as I understand Him.

[BigSis]

Uh... erk. I just realized I posted this in the Christians in Recovery forum. If I have offended anyone, that was not my intent. I saw Sharon's post in the "new posts" list and responded. I am not trying to inflame or incite or put down anyone elses belief.... just stating how step 3 worked for me.

(((hugs)))

[aasharon90]

Thanks guys...AA ur shares,
thoughts, beliefs are ALL
wonderful....

Most of all they r urs....but u
shared them with me and others.

I always have room for more
enlightening thoughts and ideas.


Krys...Is I Can Only Imagine the name
of ur new CD?

[best]

Originally Posted by BigSis

If I have offended anyone, that was not my intent. I am not trying to inflame or incite or put down anyone elses belief.... just stating how step 3 worked for me.

(((hugs)))

None seen and none taken. Was a beautiful understanding of how HP can be listed out for use in AA.

As the bible says...
Least we become like little children.... The innocence of your finding answers is wonderful to see.

As we grow in understanding, we grow in our spiritual life as well.
As the bible says... we start on milk and grow to a point of eating solid foods.

[Krys_wyo]

Yeah thats is the name of it and that song is on there to, i have seen that same cd advertised on t.v. alot.
It is a great cd alot of songs to really jam and just get into.

[Krys_wyo]

And i got a awesome bible from my Mom and she also gave me The devotional Bible edited by Max Lucado.
So I will read the Bible then read the other one then go and read the book that explains them all.....lol ....basically that is what my Mom said to do cause alot of it wont make sense for awhile.

[IO Storm]

Krys wyo:
How beautiful to see a person who I perceive to be a good soul who has been through hard experiences to have a miraculous touch from God straight to the heart. Don't worry about learning everything at once in recovery or in your faith. In AA, we call your experience a pink cloud, but it seems your newly opened heart is falling in love with the Lord. Bask in it, and grow in it, and the learning will come.
Bless you.

IO Storm

[IO Storm]

"Why should I worry?
Why should I fret?
Cause Iv'e got a mansion builder
Who ain't thru
With me yet."

Chorus
"Mansion Builder"
(Second Chapter of Acts)
Musical Group

[SaTiT]

That's is so cool sharon.
I want one of those t -shirt.

As sick as I was, I had the bible open in my house everyday.
Before i came into recovery I was looking for answers.

I had a very tough time with accepting many facts in my life at the time.
I had just gone through a divorce and to me I deem it as the unlitmate
sin. Or I was going to hell no matter what i did for the rest of my life.
U... know the impending doom, so I had to go even deeper into the
comprehenceable demoralization. I hated god. I hated the fact that
I prayed everyday and everynight that somehow god will see us through.
I fought tooth and nail to keep my family together. And the lost of my
duaghter...put me into the stratosphaere. She was the only pure thing
in my life. She knows not of hate. She loved me as i was.
After loosing her, I tried to commit suicide, I guess , i must spent a week under wacthful eyes. When i was released from that hospital . Every step
I took was painful, i hated god for keeping me alive.

Sure, i manage to have a carreer. i became a workaholic and did everything
under the sun to distract me from that pain. I cried myself to bed everynight
that i didn't passed out or didn't stayed up all night twicking.
And abussing drugs and alcohol and putting myself in harms way on
purpose was just my way of telling god to go to hell.
I was commiting suicide the slow way, but of course i get those moments
Events thaT I have no scienctific explanations for.
But i would trun my back, i close my eyes and heart as a child in defiance.

I don't know...i was sick and tire of being sick and tire of running.
I came across a passage in the Bible oneday
"with god all things are possible"
"be of good cheers for I've over came the world"

I had plan to take my own life once more.
i drove out to the dessert.
i screamed to god with all my anger and pain. I cursed God
Why...why..are you doing this
I fell to my knees," just take my life, take it , becuase i'm not doing anything
useful and really f@# ing it up" Do whatever the hell you want with it.
and I can't bare the pain any damn more.
As I prepared to be strike be lighting.

I heard;
" my child, I love you no matter what"

me ;what about the brim stone and hell fire crap?

G-d,
" I never said such things....maybe people have, but I havn't"


Within a couple of days....i found myself sitting in the rooms of AA.
The things was...i had never heard of AA, NA.
Anything is possible......

I also remember going to church and a little nice old lady
asked me if I've had been saved.....mmmm more ways than one....as i was thinking to myself.

Also when i go to the beach...there's young christians trying to convert me.lol
Ask me if i've been saved or if I if invited JC into my heart.lol
They have hard time with "god loves me no matter what "
Bless thier heart.

After all wasn't it JC himself that wasn't really into religion or institutions.
And didn't he drove out the money changer of sacrifice, for a fee.

Wasn't his teaching about GOD belongs to everybody