| My previous thread .... God is speaking here!
This is not a coincidence and I know we sometimes think it's God when it's not, or we don't think it's God when it is! Regardless, things went from cold-but-polite roommate to "Mr. Affetionate" on 2/5. Just a week ago .... Suddenly, he came back from a weekend in Phoenix and wanted to get all lovey-dovey. As we know from our experiences with A's, they rarely explain why they do what they do ... they just do it! So, not to question the will of God, I said to myself, "Okay, Lord, his heart has softened after all this time. I am not going to get into some deep discussion, I will simply follow his lead."
Fast forward .... he hasn't spoken a word to me in three days. On Thursday, we were set to go on a three-day Mexico cruise. I made reservations to stay at a nice hotel in Long Beach near the pier the day before the cruise. Planes are not known for leaving on time - or at all! - from Yuma. Anyway, I woke up by chance and it was 11:30 in the morning. He was not in bed. He was passed out drunk on a blanket with a pillow under his head in front of our family room fireplace! The night before I had told him I wasn't sure what to pack for him. He told me he would pack for himself. Regardless, I left out some clothes on the bed by the suitcase so he could choose some items.
At 12:30 p.m., after I had showered and figured I was going on this cruise alone, he got up. "So we don't have much to do, right? Are you going to shower?" I replied, "I have showered, packed, and it is time to go to the airport." He got VERY angry. I went into the bedroom, he was standing beside the bed looking at the clothes, and he said, "IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF BEING VINDICTIVE???" Huh????
Actions, always look at the actions. He didn't want to go down to the corner mailbox with me, let alone on this crummy little cruise. So he opted to get drunk and forget it all.
I got in the car and simply said, "I don't understand why you think I'm vindictive or why you are angry with me. I just laid out some clothes I thought you would like." He started screaming at the top of his lungs, "WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE??? WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE??? YOU WOULD STILL BE THE SAME AND WOULDN'T ACCEPT THE APOLOGY!!!" He started swearing like crazy. I asked him to get out of the car. He refused.
We ended up flying to Long Beach. We got to the hotel. He started being "Mr. Nice" and speaking to me on the cab ride from LAX to the hotel. He got drunk. He pushed me and shoved me to the floor in our hotel room after he got drunk in the hotel lounge. He flew home the next day. I was left alone to figure out what to do.
I'd say that the Lord is making things pretty clear to me .... I'm thankful that although I'm hurt and sad, I am not so depressed anymore that I cannot feel anything else but depression.
P.S. - I didn't go on the cruise. Too much hassle to change him from being the "main" passenger on all the security documents. I rented a car at LAX (all flights to Yuma booked) and had the time to think about things on the almost-8-hours it took me to get home. I'm filing for divorce next Tuesday. God is good. God has given me peace about this decision. I am not afraid. This thread came back up to the top of this board for a reason. Now I understand the genuine love and caring that our Lord gives to us sinful human beings. Thank you, Lord!!!!
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02-13-2007, 02:54 AM
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