I'm so sad & depressed, I don't think I will make it.

[Sterling]

Sorry, guess I should have started by introducing myself. I'm new around here. My husband introduced me to this site.
He is an alcoholic & he entered a 14 month, Christ centered rehab program earlier this week. I am so lonley for him. I feel like he has died.
I turn & expect to see him there a dozen times a day, but he's not. To make it worse we receintly moved & I have no friends here.
My heart breaks for my little son. He just seems sad. He can't tell me, but I know he misses his daddy. He keeps asking to go home (our old home.)
I know this isn't the family forum, but I wanted to post on the Christian forum.
I want to be strong & not hinder him or his progress, but I don't have any strength left in me.
I'm not totally dumb, I do remember the bad times. Especially towards the "end" things were really horrible & are why he is where he is now. But all the "you have to look at the bigger picture," "rehab is better than divorce," & "1 year is better than 40" that I get from others doesn't help at all. None of that changes the reality of living without my husband for the next 14 months.
Please tell me there is someone here who can relate???

[INHISGRACE]

Hi Sterling,
Welcome, I am so sorry for your pain and depression. I am going to go to rehab and am struggling with the thought of leaving my wife and kids. There are no words that can console your pain but there are many on here that are in similar situations. Keep posting when you are down, and try to keep your faith. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[cmc]

Hi Sterling,
I'm glad you decided to post here, there are many here who care and will be praying for you.
First of all, it is a good thing that he is seeking help, but you still bear the burden of being alone, being a single parent and trying to make sense of this to a small child. You can do this and you are not alone. We are here and there are many others who share your experience.
You are correct that this is not the family forum, but we are a family here and in my experience- this is true of all the forums here at SR. You are welcome to post wherever you feel comfortable and you are most welcome to do so here.
I hope you will reach out to others in your new area and find a good church to attend. I also highly recommend Alanon meetings if you haven't already. I find that if I allow others into my life, I am helped not just by what they bring to me, but also what I am able to offer as well.
There is a good children's book about alcoholism offered through Alanon, called "What's Drunk, Mama?" and I highly recommend it. It's suitable for ages preK and up, and might help your son to understand things better.
God bless you and your family during this time.

[best]

Separated for just over two years so I know some of the feelings that you may have. What kept me holding together was by staying busy. Most of the time was spent working. I was doing 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. I spent every moment I could at church that the doors were opened for fellowship. The one thing I had though was a sister who lived close by (hour away) and for holidays I would go there for a family dinner. Potlucks at church give some of that family feeling as well.
Most of my free time (idle time)was spent reading the bible.
I would go for walks. Tried bike riding. Would go fishing. Tried getting my sons involved in doing things with me. (didn't work since I was the one needing the recovery at the time)

If you have a church home. Look there for some fellowship among the ladies.
If you don't have a church you can call home...look for one.
Being in a new area with him home or not...it is a good place to find some friends all the same.
Reading, prayer, and staying busy will do you well. Seek the fellowship of others at a nice church also. 14 months may seem like a long time but It will pass faster then you realize.

[Sterling]

Thank you all. The first few days after I dropped my hubby off were incredibly hard. It didn't help that I was completely alone & didn't even see another person (other than my son) for 2 of those days. Things have been easier lately. I just really need to be ministered to for a while & no one around me seems to really care. I am looking for a church. I really need to feel God near me, need Him to be real to me right now. He seems so distant.
I am attending a alanon group, it's actually a manditory one hosted by the place my husband is in rehab. But it only meets every other week & I think I need something more. I found a couple of Celebration Recovery meetings nearby that meet weekly so I think I'm going to check that out.
CMC thanks for the book recommendation, I am going to keep that in mind for the future, but my son is only 2 now & I don't think he would be able to understand.
Best, I hope you're right about how fast it'll go. Thank you for posting, it's good to know that someone else knows what it's like.
InHisGrace, I hope my post didn't discourage you from going to rehab. It is hard on my son & I, but so was my husband's addictions. At least now, along with the pain & stress, I have hope that we could have a good future & raise our son to be a godly man. I don't want him to go thru all that we have. Thank you so much for your care & prayers.
Thank all of you so much. You have no idea how much I needed the care & support you have given me.

[vtlady]

Welcome Sterling. I hope that your able to find a home church in your area soon. I know that you will miss your hubby terribly in the time that he will be away. And he will also miss you. But this is a great step that the both of you have taken. And yes the time apart will be well worth it in the long run. Always feel free to pm me at any time that you need some one to talk to or just share with. You may also send me an email if you like. Bless you and your family. Special hugs for the little guy.

[Sterling]

Thanks vtlady!
I feel less alone with all of you here. I really believe that this is what God whats the body of Christ to be!!

[jenjram]

Oh, that must be so difficult. Remember that this is also a time to work on you. As an alcoholic(me), I know it helps tremendously if the spouse is prepared for the reunion. Get involved with your church, reach out, get involved with Alanon...your life needs to change, too. Alanon would be incredibly beneficial for you, I'm sure.

Pray. God will show you the way in time. But remember that you need to focus on you during this time, as well.

[snowwhite]

I certainly can relate, though my feelings of not being able to make it are because I lost my daughter this past year! You are experiencing a type of loss like me, but somehow we will make it. I don't know how and when, but we will! It's a terrible feeling to have to let someone go, and it takes a long time to heal. But I suppose it's something we have to go through now.

My heart goes out to you and so do my prayers. I've been so lost lately and I feel so much of your loss and pain! You will have good days and bad days but know that people do want the best for you! I know that your son and your husband have been your life and letting go of one of them is terribly painful.

And as far as friends go, I still feel so alone with what I've been through, and I think with your loss, you still would feel alone right now to a certain degree. But when you feel able and you get stronger, reach out to make new friends who will be productive in helping you and who will care about you! Mine are just sitting in waiting right now. I am not a good friend to anyone right now, not even to myself.

Like me, you posted at the right forum! You are searching for so much inner peace, too...not just family support! I hope we both find this peace! I know you will eventually!

Keep being strong for your son, but know that you, too, have to get through this to be the mother he needs. So like everyone has told me, be gentle on yourself, and realize that this is like a grieving process for you, too, and it will take some time. Don't judge yourself for your feelings. You can't change what your husband did. You can only change what you do!

All my love and prayers!

[pooh bear]

Have you thought about joining Al-Anon?