My God eluded me

[toad]

I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother, and found all three.
(author unknown)

Your throne is founded on two strong pillars, righteousness and justice.
Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants.
Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship,
For they will walk in the light of your presence, LORD.
(PSALM 89:14-15 NLT, A psalm of Ethan the Ezrahite)

The first time I saw the quote about searching for your soul and God, and finding them in your brother, was in 1992 when my AA sponsor gave me his card. On the front was his address and phone number, and on the back was this quote. I thought it was a catchy little phrase, but it did not register with me very deeply. In February of 1992 I went into treatment for alcoholism. The VA said that I should try to do something about my problems caused by my Vietnam experiences, and recommended a PTSD program at Fort Roots, in North Little Rock Arkansas. In order to qualify for the PTSD program we Vietnam vets needed to be clean and sober for six months. At that time in my life I was having trouble getting along with my wife, my family my church, and my friends. Most of all I was having trouble getting along with myself. On top of that I was pouring in the best Canadian whiskey money could buy, which acted as a magnifying glass placed on my character defects. A Scripture verse comes to mind when I think about that time in my life, “O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death” (Romans 7:24). I went to treatment, worked the program of AA, got a sponsor, stayed clean and sober for six months, and then headed to Little Rock. I spent two months with other Vietnam vets; we lived, laughed, cried, ate, slept, argued and fought together. We became a whole made up of many parts. For all of us it was the first time since nam that we had been together with that many vets. It was a time of healing that came about fourteen years late in my life. I remember when I was on my way home, riding the Greyhound Bus, how happy I was that I went and finished the program. I did not know what lay ahead of me. Back home all alone I found myself with the same feelings that I had when I returned home from nam in 1968. I was a military fish out of water in a sea of civilians. I turned to my old friend the bottle, forgetting all about the card I had in my wallet with my sponsors phone number. It took about 14 months for me to try and sober up again. In 1993 I went back to treatment and stayed sober for 30 days. It wasn’t until 1996 that I gave it one more attempt, and that lasted for 10 months. Then In 1998 I swallowed my pride, walked back down the steps of the Catholic Church to the AA meeting and my sponsor once again gave me his card. As I read the quote on the back one more time, it penetrated my hard heart. I realized that my God who had eluded me, could be seen clearly in the lives of those who had been there to help me sober up. Thanks for letting me share, God did for me what I could not do for myself………JRE

“More will be revealed.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164)

[cwohio]

thanks once again for sharing a piece of your recovery and faith!

[cmc]

toad,
Thank you for sharing how it was, what you did and how things are now.
It is so encouraging to read your story.
God bless you,
cmc

[sugarssweetpea]

You are such an inspiration and an encouragement to me. I look forward to reading your posts. Thank you for sharing.